Melania's Treasure Chest

Two sisters stumble across a peculiar shop where they learn that monsters are real.

 

            The two sisters stride up Main Street with their long, red hair swinging at their backs. Monica has just dropped her car off at the mechanic’s shop a block away and they now have an hour to fill with some sort of entertainment on the busy street in Buffalo.

            “Wanna get some coffee and sweets at that Italian bakery?” Jessica asks.

            Monica pushes a pair of horn-rim glasses up her nose with an index finger “My diet, remember?”

            Jessica pouts. “What about that used bookstore where we found that super old copy of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow?” 

            Monica glances at her watch. “Sure. Let’s just keep track of time. We could probably spend the whole day in there.”

            The young women wait to cross the street and then continue the three blocks to the bookstore with their identical ground-eating lope. Monica is two years older, but the sisters look so alike they could pass as twins. The only way some of their professors can identify each separately is that Monica wears the horn-rims while Jessica has violet contacts.   

            They approach the bookstore and see that it is dark and “For Rent” signs are plastered all over the windows. “Blast!” Jessica stamps her foot in the sort of comical and exaggerated reaction she’s prone to.

            The girls stare at the sidewalk a moment and wrack their brains for an alternative plan. Monica notices a sparkling pink line of paint that trails from back the way they came and then disappears into a wall to the right of the bookshop. “What the hell?”

She steps closer to the brick wall and runs her hand over it. “Hey Jess, there’s a door here. Isn’t that weird—you, like, can’t even see it till you get real close.”

            Jessica stands near her sister and touches the wall. “Here’s a doorknob!” They look up simultaneously and see a sign above the door painted in sparkly gold and pink letters: Melania’s Treasure Chest.

            “There isn’t even a window. How do they expect customers to notice this place?” Monica shivers and crosses her arms over her chest.

            “I could swear that sign wasn’t there just a second ago,” Jessica is still looking upwards with her hand on the doorknob. She turns to look at her sister “Should we check it out?”

            Monica shrugs, “We’ve got nothing better to do.”

            Jessica turns the knob and swings the hidden door inwards.

            A pleasant chiming accompanies the girls’ entrance into the shop. At first neither of them can make anything out in the small room. A bright light momentarily blinds them and this is strange because there are no apparent lamps. Jessica shuts the door and the street noise behind them.  Their eyes focus on a clutter-filled room with packed shelves. The brilliant light seems to emanate from the objects themselves. There are so many things to take in at once that it is several seconds before they realize there is a counter in the far left corner with a very tall woman standing behind it.            

            “Good afternoon ladies!” The woman aims a megawatt smile in their direction. She is the tallest woman either of them has ever seen—standing at nearly eight feet although with a delicate bone structure and in correct proportion. A pile of blonde hair rests upon her gargantuan head giving her another six inches or so in height. She rests hands the size of salad plates upon the counter. “And what sort of treasures are you searching for today?” 

            “We’re just seeing if anything catches our eye,” Monica smiles back at the woman. Jessica chuckles nervously. 

            “My name is Melania and I’m at your service,” she points a red fingernail to her left, “There are more rooms up those stairs and feel free to let me know if you need any help picking out your treasures.” Melania speaks with a hint of an accent but it is hard to pinpoint her heritage—maybe Northern European, maybe Eastern European??

            Monica begins a clockwise circuit around the small room while Jessica heads counterclockwise. The bric-a-brac filling the shelves appeared cheaply made at first glance but upon closer inspection most of the objects are made of sterling silver, or plated with gold, or decorated with Swarovski crystal and genuine gemstones.

            “I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this place before!” Jessica exclaims as she examines a small, jewel encrusted egg on a golden pedestal. 

            “We are very exclusive,” Melania adjusts the yellow, silk scarf adorning her neck. “Only the most deserving of customers stumble upon my shop, and everyone who sets foot in here finds exactly what they want.”

            Jessica casts a sidelong glance at the woman and tries to puzzle out her meaning. 

            Monica heads over to the stairs that are almost completely concealed by a clothes-rack hung with brightly colored kimonos that seem to be fluttering despite the fact that there’s no breeze to stir them. 

            Jessica follows her sister up a set of worn, wooden stairs in a cramped stairwell. They enter the upper room which is just as crowded as the room below, but dim and with different sorts of objects. Marionettes dangle from the ceiling, masks adorn the walls, animal furs cover the floors.

            “Creeeeepy,” Jessica says in a sing-song voice. 

            The sisters delicately step on the plush, shiny furs. “Um, aren’t tigers endangered?” Monica mumbles. Some of the furs come from animals neither girl can identify and this sends chills up their spines. 

            “At least the masks are pretty,” Monica inspects a pink, frothy mask of silk and feathers that would be right at home at an eighteenth century masquerade ball.

            “Ew, they freak me out with those empty eye-holes staring back at you,” Jessica steps sideways into a marionette which clatters back and forth on its strings. “I’m going to go up there and see if there’s anything better,” Jessica points to yet another staircase. 

            “Mmmhmm,” Monica answers while tracing the feathers of the pink mask with her fingers.

            Jessica bounds up the stairs leaving her sister amid so many objects that gaze with a sinister intelligence. A marionette behind Monica begins to swing and clatter. She startles and turns to find the room empty and the marionette stills itself. She turns back to the pink mask and gasps as she sees eyes looking back at her from inside the mask. One eye winks at her and she screams. 

 

                      ******************  

 

            Jessica follows the stairs up another claustrophobic stairwell and enters the room on the third floor. Her jaw drops as she sees the walls covered floor-to-ceiling in used books. “Score!” She exclaims and hurries to the closest bookshelf. A small, round window lets in enough light for her to read the titles. Thick books on mythology and zoology fill this shelf. Jessica scans the shelves and discovers rare editions of fiction out of her reach on an upper shelf. She rolls a ladder that is attached to the wall to the fiction section and climbs up. She thumbs trough dusty volumes of Charles Dickens, Edgar Allan Poe and Sherlock Holmes mysteries. The dates show that they are very early editions. “These must be worth tons of money!”

            Jessica spends ten minutes perusing the titles until her gaze falls upon the book she knows she has to have—an early edition of Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland.

            “Ahem,” the polite throat-clearing surprises Jessica and she turns to look behind her while gripping the ladder tight. 

            “Have you found your treasure?” Melania asks in her cheerful manner.

            “I think I have! I don’t know if I can afford it though. There’s no price on it but it’s so rare…” Jessica trails off and turns her eyes back to the bookshelf where the books have rearranged themselves into an enormous and hideous face smiling at her as if the whole wall of books were a gigantic monster. Jessica screams and throws herself off of the ladder to get away from the face. She lands hard and her ankle pops. She crumples to the floor.

            “What the hell was that?!” Tears begin to seep out of Jessica’s eyes at the searing pain. Melania approaches and towers above the injured girl, appearing more like a giant than before. Her hands are crossed in front of her in a business-like manner.

            “That was one of my pets darling,” her mysterious accent thickens. “They’ve only just dealt with your sister. She found her treasure. She wanted that mask so badly that it woke my pets. They feed on the emotions a human emits when he or she covets something very strongly.” While speaking, Melania slowly steps toward Jessica who inches backwards on her butt. Monica’s horn-rim glasses are tucked into Melania’s yellow scarf. The giantess is clearly threatening her in some strange way.

            “Monica!!” Jessica shouts but gets no reply. “What the hell do you want from me?”

            “Didn’t I just tell you?”  Melania reaches to the floor from her great height and picks up Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland which dropped from Jessica’s hands as she fell from the ladder. Melania is close now and shoves the book into the girl’s shaking hands. “You get to have the book you desire so badly.” She throws her head back and laughs. When she lowers her eyes they are dark and serious. “But my pets get to have you for dinner.” Melania swiftly kicks Jessica back another couple of feet into the gaping jaw of the bookshelf. She disappears into the maw of the monster. After a minute or so the enormous mouth of the bookshelf burps and Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland shoots out and into the hands of Melania who re-shelves it should another customer covet it. 

Author's Note

At what point do you realize there's a supernatural element to this story?
Do I slip at all between past and present tense?

Reviews

[Kasey Klein]

I think you hold the present tense well enough.

I'd suggest you have a hard look at the formating of your dialog, which for the most part is better than most. However, you have some missing periods and misplaced commas.

For example:
Monica shrugs,(should be a period) "We've got nothing better to do."

I realized this was supernatural where you write:
"Two sisters stumble across a peculiar shop where they learn that monsters are real."

For what it is and what you wish to accomplish, I like the story. It's a straightforward playful piece.

[HoWiE]

Hey there Alice, this was an interesting piece - Carla asked me to have a look and let you know what I thought. It's told in a slightly unusual way in that it's told in the present - as if the reader is viewing them through a TV or something - there's nothing wrong with that of course, it's just a different way of telling a story. (I don't recall seeing any disparity between tenses, so that worked well). I think this piece certainly shows a lot of promise. We got the idea there was something supernatural from the unusually hidden door in the wall, it was almost Alice in Wonderland-like although there was a little bit of Clive Barker about it too (have a look at 'The Thief of Always' sometime, it has the same sort of feel as your work). As for the story itself, I think perhaps it ended a little quickly - perhaps a bit more of a lead in into how and why the 'pets' would decided to eat the shop's clients. You don't always have to have a reason but sometimes when something is so out of the ordinary as this is, you sometimes need a little clue as to why and how things happen. I definately liked the tall woman, she was an interesting character, but what was her story? Why did she feel the need to punish people who covet objects, is it a biblical type thing 'Thou shalt not covet they neighbour's wife' or in this case as mask or a book? The shop is a glorious setting, I love the colours and the textures that you portray, it seems almost labrynthine too with it's different rooms; this seems in-keeping with the peculiarity of the shop and works pretty well. There were a couple of things I might change (of course each to their own, you may not agree, lol and I'm not saying I'm right at all!). If you want me to take a look at this in more detail and put in some notes or ideas, I'd be happy too - I don't want you to think that I'm treading on your toes or anything lol. Overall I quite liked this, it has a nice feel to it and think that it could be something very very cool if a few tweaks were made. Thanks for posting and thanks for Carla to pointing it out. Cheers and keep up the good work - HoWiE ;-)