Heart to Lose

I don't have a heart to lose

So I could not feel anything

No its not like that,

I don't want to feel anything

because I am afraid of getting hurt again

I too loved someone

I too had friends that I could trust

But then what happened?

What changed between you and me?

There was heart left for me to lose.

I am at my extreme end

I am going insane

As my heart is afraid of little dark

I am becoming a fool out of my own dreams

Like I am sleeping in my grave

I am so lonely

That this silence seems like a horror

That this dark seems like a death.

My heart aches for some support

But i could not express it emotion.

I am laughing and crying

I want to live

But at the same time I am already dead

I had really gone insane 

After all, I have no heart to lose.

Author's Note

I could not show the emotional states of human beings too well and so it is my first time writing this kind of poem. Is it true to emotional genre?

Reviews

[Anahat]

A nice write..
Heartbreaks often break us...But we need to move on in search of something better that awaits us!
Nicely penned :)

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Jainmayank

A big welcome from Writers Cafe.

I see you have made it onto the Writers to Watch list. Well done.

I will often support new writers on this site to give them a view on their writing and where encouragement is earned to provide it.

I have a tendency to review in many ways, but often long. Whilst there are some technical buttons I press in reviews, what you will get mostly is an emotional reaction straight from one reader to the writer, mine from me to you.

Let's go:

1) Form: Five stanzas of four lines each (quatrains). The poem has traditional shape. I have my own views on form. I prefer the texture that shape brings rather than words scattered on a page with no form. Personal preference.

2) Rhyme: You do not consistently seek to rhyme, but occasionally you do like:

So I could not feel anything:
'No its not like that,
I don't want to feel anything'

You may be using the same word, but its repetition as you try to sort out your feelings is effective.

3) Rhythm: There is no repetitive or recurring beats to the bar. But all you need to do is look at the length of each line to see that there is an equality to the sounds in each line, which brings melody to the poem in my view.

4) Style? Hard to define. Always in cases like yours here, either free verse or poetic prose, where prose is put in the shape of a poem. Lots of poets do it. You are in good company.

5) Use of English: You keep your language simple. There are no deep and complex words in here. Sometimes more esoteric words can add value to a poem. But that is not what you are trying to do. You keep it simple as there is a simplicity to your notion here. As for grammar, I see little to no error.

6) Metaphor /simile: Comparing one thing to another, an emotion with something else is often a good way of adding value to any writing. You do simile at least twice:

'I am becoming a fool out of my own dreams
Like I am sleeping in my grave'

'I am so lonely
That this silence seems like a horror
That this dark seems like a death.'

That's good!

7) Favourite lines:

Actually the similes you use above; and

'But at the same time I am already dead
I had really gone insane
After all, I have no heart to lose'.

8) Meaning: Sometimes writers write in a complex way so it is hard to work out what they mean and then the reader, as they always have the right, is obliged to apply their own interpretation.

But again you keep it quite simple.

Were I to summarise your meaning it would be the following: You give your topic away in your title - 'Heart to lose'. Perhaps you are asking yourself the age old question. 'Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all?' More than that, having lost in love you feel you have been drained and cannot leave yourself so vulnerable again. Your mix of disparate feelings get you to the point where you no longer know yourself and feel insane

9) Emotional impact: Perhaps this is the most important piece of any writing. Whatever else you do, do you leave the reader thinking about your poem long after they have read it? Do you make an emotional impact?

In this case you do with me. And you do it well.

Your subject is rigorously maintained throughout.

But you need to know that the emotional reaction of each reader will differ depending on the life experience of each individual reader. In writing we are not talking to an audience. We are having a conversation with each reader at a time.

Yet I believe here your topic is something with which most can identify.

But maybe I identify more than most?

I have lost in love with 4 long term partners, including 2 wives, quite apart from the more minor losses of the short term girlfriends.

The sense of loss and rejection leaves me numb so that I feel I cannot feel anymore other than a sense of rejection and complete and endless loneliness. In the end I go stir crazy. I feel I am going mad or insane as you put it. You feel you can never love again. You no longer have a heart to lose.

My situation is made worse by suffering from a mood disorder, a mental health disorder - bipolar disorder. That simply means that you will take any situation in life and have a much stronger emotional reaction than most.

I know the taste of loneliness, where actually I have retired early and I am completely alone with no support of any friends or family and the taste is bitter. But yet I survive to live another day. I fight back. In the end if you permit yourself to, you may find another partner better than the one you lost. Life is not over until you give up. Then it is over.

My thought? Never ever give up seeking what you want. You will find it again if you keep on trying and fighting.

10) Conclusion: A well written and emotive piece of writing with which many will relate, I above all.

I am pleased you are a writer to watch. You deserve it.

Keep going and write more. This is a good place to hone your skills as a writer by reviewing and being reviewed.

I hope these comments are of some use to your.

With my kindest regards


James

[nazia]

The feelings. they make us so vulnerable. We never want to get hurt and so we do not want to go out there but you cannot smell the roses without going through the thorns.
A well expressed work :)

[Bushra Naqshbandi]

Emotionallly powerful. It expresses the pain, the longing and the torment so accurately. Nicely penned! :)

[Liubov Blithe]

That shows your feelings, what could be more powerful and emotional? I think it's very nice to read when a person feels the same!

[AYVID N]

You have made a very good effort to express your hurt, disappointment and disillusionment Mayank. There could be a little straightening out needed with the grammar part but if you ask me, the poem is good as it is because you have effectively conveyed your feelings. The rest will be taken care of with constant practice and so keep writing.