Love, to me

A treatise

Love, to me, is something like a mirror. It's not something you need to find yourself; you can see who and what you are without it. But when it's placed in front of you, it's not something possible to avoid, not without cutting off most of your senses. And it makes you see yourself, clearly and in more detail than is possible without it.

 

However, unlike a mirror, who you fall in love with is more than just a reflection of you. The deepest part of them is the deepest part of you. Who you are drawn towards is the value you set to yourself. A person who is certain of their own value will be attracted to their idea of the highest type of person, someone they admire for their values, morals, and standards. Whereas someone convinced of their worthlessness will be drawn to those they despise. I don't believe any of this is ever done consciously, or ever could be; it's just a matter of cause and effect. How you see yourself is the cause, and who attracts you is the effect.

 

You could argue that this doesn't always fit - because no matter how you value yourself, you can't control how your body reacts. No, to an extent, you really can't. But like I said, I don't believe this happens consciously. Whether you know the person really well, see them for the first time at a party, or even just walking through a grocery store, what I said about  cause and effect still applies. It's never just someone's body that you see, if it is then they're either sleeping or dead, because when you look at someone, your mind takes in more than that. You see the way they walk, the way they carry themselves, the clothes they wear, their expressions, and already you begin to learn who they are.

 

To me, the right person - well, the right match - would be something like a puzzle-piece. That is, if puzzles were made of only two pieces. They're both their own shape and their own design; neither is really lacking. But when they're put together, it creates something new, something they couldn't have on their own. It doesn't make sense to be in a relationship with someone too much like you, because then nobody fits in anywhere.

 

To me, the right relationship - a good, strong one - is like two ribbons. They're wrapped around each other to make a rope; they're stronger together but not weak on their own either, and they support each other independently. No matter if one is more dominant than the other, both are still needed to make that rope.

 

And, to me, the most important element in a relationship is honesty. Honesty in its most complete way. It means no beating around the bush. You say what you feel , you say what you want, you stay true to who you are, and you live up to your expectations. Because, at the end of the day, when you close your eyes to sleep, it's your own mind and heart that you feel and no one else's, and if you don't take care of your own wellbeing, how can you completely and effectively take care of the one you love without also hurting them in the process?

 

After honesty comes trust, branching directly after. I don't know if there's anything that will turn a relationship more sour more quickly than losing trust. The more trust there is, the more serious the relationship becomes. Each is trusting the other with their heart, their thoughts, and their bodies. To me, sex is not the greatest expression of love itself, but of trust as it applies to love - and in the person's love for you. And your physical attraction to one another, obviously. 

 

I do not believe there even is a "greatest expression" in love. It's expressed in many many different ways, big and small. And whether it's big or small is all in the feeling that's behind it. With that, a single flower you pick from the garden could be made more meaningful than a $10,000 diamond ring, and sex can be made as insignificant as a handshake. And sex, I believe, is something too significant to debase in the way that so many people do. The way I see it now, a person is 'ready' to have sex when they're in love, when they have full trust in the person they're with and vice-versa, and when both are ready to express those feelings. It's not about obligations, it's not about pressure, and it's certainly not about a deadline. To me, any other way would just be a cheap imitation of how it really should be.

 

 

 

Love, for me, is like a tree that only grows one fruit at a time. So to say it's a big deal when it appears is definitely an understatement. It's something I put too much stock in, perhaps. Love....the feeling of love, is something I hold on to greedily. I never let go of the feeling. The only way it leaves me is when I have to watch it rot away and die.

 

So this is what love is, to me. But really, in the end, being all rational and logical about it can only go so far. I most certainly do not have it all figured out, and I could go on for pages and pages trying to. Still, the basics of the whirlpool of thoughts and feelings I have on this subject are here. Love - the most confusing, most painful, most beautiful thing that ever existed...is all a part of life - and like everything in life, it is what you make it. 

Author's Note

Some of this was written in a persuasive-essay type of format, but none of this was intended to persuade anyone. This is just me and my thoughts.
Still, I'd like to hear what you think, about any aspect of this. If you want to argue a point, agree, praise, criticize, or anything. And let me know on any spelling or grammar problems.

(Two years later) I have to say...I am awfully proud of this. How did I manage it...? I can hardly remember. It would make more sense to have written it now, with so many more experiences behind me. Nevertheless, with those experiences I now just agree with myself more...

Reviews

[Alexander Fox]

Your playlist started playing Xavia the second I started reading this. I thought you would get a bit of painful humor out of that. "The way I see it now, a person is 'ready' to have sex when they're in love, when they have full trust in the person they're with and vice-versa, and when both are ready to express those feelings. It's not about obligations, it's not about pressure, and it's certainly not about a deadline. To me, any other way would just be a cheap imitation of how it really should be." is a beautifully written sentiment. As for the rest of it, I see your reasoning, but do not exactly agree. I loved the way you described attraction as a reflection of ones own self-worth, but I still have to point out the consistencies of attraction to set physical types over personality types rampant in our society. Just a note. You are most certainly an idealist.

[Ellen Hammond]

Very interesting way to explain love, some of it mirrors my own thoughts of what love is. I agree that the loss of trust can turn a relationship sour very quickly. My favorite paragraph is one that expresses love in a way I never thought of saying it. It is:

"To me, the right relationship - a good, strong one - is like two ribbons. They're wrapped around each other to make a rope; they're stronger together but not weak on they're own either, and they support each other independently. No matter if one is more dominant than the other, both are still needed to make that rope."

Very insightful. I really enjoyed reading this as it causes me to ponder. Great job!