Rachel

A short chapter i wrote to become familiar with a new character im trying to write. please forgive my grammar its written on my iPhone.

 It was a beautiful sunny day in rural Arkansas as two young girls were playing outside by the families garage. The younger if the two, Rachel who was eight years old, was searching for her big sister by creeping around the garage. She wore an ear to ear grin as she stalked around behind the garage. Rachel loved when her big sister broke down and played with her. After all her sister was a brand new teenager and slowly forgetting how to play and have fun.
  Rachel saw a flurry of blonde hair blowing from behind the crab apple tree growing behind the garage. She knew her sister was hiding there. Rachel slowly crept to the side of the tree and with a big grin she slowly poked her head around where her big sister was standing. Rachel's smile instantly vanished as she saw the look of concern on her sisters face as she stared out toward the road. Following her state Rachel saw an old rusty Chevy truck with a creepy old man sitting behind the wheel gazing at them dreamily.
  Suddenly her big sister stepped toward the road and yelled toward the truck, loud enough so mom could hear, what are you staring at you old pervert!"
The man seemed to snap back to reality and quickly started his Chevy and drove off in the direction of town.
  That night at supper, Rachel asked her mother who that old man was that always parked out on the road and watched them playing. Her mother said to her" that's old Mitch Basinger. He's a lonely old man who lives a few miles west of here. He's always been harmless. I imagine he's just very lonely and on tremendous pain from the loss of his family.
  What happened to his family we asked in perfect unison. We quickly glanced at one another and grinned, then our attention fell back to mother in hopes she knew what happened to his family.
  Rachel's mother went on to tell them about the tragic accident that claimed the life of his two daughters and cost him his wife as well.

  The next day at school Rachel was talking to her friends about creepy old mister Basinger. It seemed everyone had a different story about this man that no one knew. Some told how he was the areas first serial killer who outsmarted the system so he was set free. Others said that he was an old perv that got his jollies watching young girls play.
  On my way to lunch I saw my best friend Jinny. Hey girl" she mumbled.
  So?" I inquired. What did she say?"
Jinny smiled and said I'm in!" woohoo we both cheered.
" what about Hanna? I asked did u hear from her yet?"
I haven't talked to her yet today but I saw her on the way on today and she shot me a thumbs up do I'm thinking it's a go... All the way "she shrieked.
You see we talked over the weekend about mr. Basinger and wether or not our parents thought he killed his daughters or what happened. Jinny's mother told her a very freaky story about how he did his family in with a combine harvester, but then of corse she said she was joking and that the poor mans been thru hell since the car accident that claimed the lives of his baby girls.
  Hanna's parents said they never heard of him or any accident but I think that was because they only moved here last year. But none the less we were planning a slumber party from hell this weekend. We were going to sneak out at midnight and goto Mr. Basinger's farm and have a look around for ourselves and decide if we think he's a maniac or just an old fart.
  As we walked toward the cafeteria we spotted Hanna coming out of the girls room.  "hey Han, I hollered, she snapped her gaze from her skirt to me with a scowl that almost made me back up a step. What happened Hanna, asked jinny.
  Oh it's just the perfect start to a Friday let me tell ya, she said. wai wai wait. Let me start from the beginning of course. I woke up, she went on, had my bag packed already for the slumber party.
I cut in and said " yeaaaaa you get to come!!" Hanna silenced me with a glare.  Sorry I squeaked.
  Anyway, Hanna continued, I got my shower and did my hair, and it was a very good hair day mind you." I then proceeded to exit my house only to have the wind assist me down the steps and have its way with my hair. So back in I got to find a hat and change my dirty assed jeans. THEN, I get to school and goto use he restroom and .... Sniff sniff.. I wanna go home Hanna cried. This is the worst day ever.
Hanna what happened in the bathroom? Jinny asked.
Your going to laugh at me so I'm not telling Hanna replied.
Hanna come on we're your best friends I reassured her. Hanna looked at me for several seconds than to jimmy for several seconds.
"well, when I sat on the toilet and started peeing, sniff, I realized as I felt warmth running down the back of my legs. That some one put suran wrap over the toilet bowl.
Jimmy and myself both leaned back and saw that the back of her skirt and her socks and shoes were all soaked. A burst of air slipped from my nose and made a kind of reverse snort. I turned away with my hand overt face trying not to lmao. I heard jimmy start to say oh Han that's the worst thing-" that's about all the farther she got before laughter exploded from her and me at a distance laughing into hands.
  Oh thanks alot. I'm so lucky to have you guys to support me in my times of suffering. Hanna shouted with both her fists clenched and point Ed straight at the floor. After one more round of belly laughing. I went to Hanna and tried to hug her. She spun outta my grasp and said " no thanks.
  Oh come on Han. We're nog laughing at you , we're laughing at what happened.
A smile slowly crept across Hanna's face and she said "I guess it would be pretty funny if it wasn't me, but it is me dang it will I guys please grab my overnight bag and meet me in the locker room. I'm so taking a shower.
  As Hanna half waffled off tho the showers, me and Jin went to her locker to get her bag if cloths she was taking to my house for the slumber party. She was actually pretty lucky that it happened on a day she brought extra cloths.
  That afternoon at my house, we played monopoly and watched tv and of corse we talked about boys.
  " mom were headed up to bed. " I called out. My parents sleep on the ground level and almost never go upstairs. So we went up and got changed into our dark cloths and snuck out my window, which lead to the back porch canopy. From there it was a short jump onto the hill beside the porch.
  I figured Mr. Basinger's farm was about 500 yards from out back field. We ran around the barn by way of the weeds and tree cover. No the most covert operation since we were giggling the whole way.
  We were about halfway across our back field when jinny tripped pver something and fell on her face. As she stood up she was screaming and holding her nose and bent in half at the waist.
  Oh crap, Jin what happened. Did u hit your nose on the ground I asked as I saw blood running from between her fingers.
  No she said I'll be fine. Dan that sucked she muttered.
What happens to your nose? Hanna asked.
Jinny's eyes were still watering badly as the bleeding nose was subsiding.
One of those dam branches went about two feet into my left nostril and scratched my brain. Hanna and myself cringed and started shaking our hands all around and squirming as the thought of what happened to jin. Oh my freak,  that is disgustingly painfully demented and I wish I never heard you explain it.
  After we all recovered from the mental trauma following Jinny's nostril trauma, we were again on our way. As we crossed the last field that edged up to the Basinger's farm. We saw old man Basingers truck exiting the driveway. We all hit the dirt until we saw the creepy old guys taillights fade in the distance. We girls made our way into the barn where we just saw mr B pull his beater out of.
  Aside from the brighter than usual moon outside it was pitch dark. As we entered the barn I turned on flashlight to have a look around. The floor was covered with stale rotten hay. I guess he doesn't farm anymore." I said as I let the handful of rotten hay fall to the floor.
  As we looked further we noticed all the pens and holding areas were empty. It looked like the barn hadn't seen an ani
Al in years.
Ok this is crap, let's go in the house" Hanna said to the shock of Jin and myself.
  " no freakin way, Jin said as she looked on my direction. Following her lead, i said yea lets not go on his house.  What were looking for is on the machine shed. Hanna scrunched up her forehead and asked what's a machine shed?"
It's where farmers keep their best family slaying equipment. " I said thru zn evil grin.
  Your scaring me rach ", said Jin as I grabbed her hand and started across the cow yard. I saw a smile cross Hanna's face as I ran by her towards the machine shed.
  The building had giant sliding doors along with a line walk in door, which were all locked.
"crap.  Their all locked. I said as I pulled one last time on the giant sliding door.
  Hanna called out," this ones unlocked." as she slid in behind a loose metal siding sheet. "gimme the light whispered Hanna's slightly muffled voice from inside the shed.
  Wo you weren't kidding she called as she inspected the harvester inside. Before I knew it Jinny was sliding in behind the sheet as well. She popped her head out and shot me a grin and then vanished inside the building.
  I pulled the metal sheet away from the gap and began to shimmy in when I heard a motor and soon after saw headlights aiming down the driveway directly at me. I hurriedly slid thru the gap hearing a loud tear as my jeans caught a protruding piece of sharp metal.
  OMG did he see you?" Hanna asked me.
  "I'm not sure, I don't think so but I'm not sure I said as I knelt there panting likei just ran a ten K marathon.
  This way guys", we heard jinny call from the back of the building. She found another loose panel which we all exited thru and ran our asses off , back to my house.
  When we got back to the house I noticed all the lights were out in the living room and in my patents room as well. We were home free. We snuck on and up the stairs as quiet as a mouse. I opened the door to my room and screamed when I saw a shadowy figure standing in front of my window. I quickly slapped a hand over my mouth to muffle the shriek. Then I saw it was my big sister.
" what r u up to Rach?" she asked. We all crowded onto the room and I pulled the door closed and said we went to Basingers farm like I said. Remember.
  She looked at me shaking her head. U better hope he didn't c u. She said
  He didn't. I don't think. I offered.
She stood there shaking her head as she stared down at my leg. "What the hell happened to your leg?"she enquired. Looking down i noticed the tear in my jeans from the metal on Basingers shed tore into my flesh as well as my black jeans. It was bleeding something fierce.
my sister started towards the door shaking her head and let herself out.
  The next day while playing hide and seek with her friends by the barn, Rachel walked into the old chicken coop and when her friends went in after her, she was gone. The only thing the girls remembered while searching for her was the sound of a loud motor out on the highway, and watching Mr. Basingers truck disappear into a cloud of dust.
  After searching the Basinger farm the police found some blood in one of the out buildings ....  it matched Rachel's blood type

Author's Note

Im brand new to writing. this is pretty much the first thing ive ever posted anywhere. im hoping to learn what i need to do to get my ideas from my brain to paper. i look forward to any and all reviews. Thanks

Reviews

[CecilA]

Jag,

Great start. Keep it going. When you've finished you can do a rewrite and correct errors and make changes. Keep the 'Editor' at bay until you've got your story the way you want it.

Great intrigue and showing writing. I love it.

Sincerely,

Cecil

[Jag]

Awesome! Thanks so much friend. Support like that really energizes me. Ill definatly do the editing after the story's done. Thnx again.
Jag

[AWickedMoon]

Love it so far! Great start to your story there was a place where you forgot to do quotation(dont worry I forget this all the time) and there was a few spelling errors.

[Jag]

Thnx a lot. I'm learning.

[AWickedMoon]

No problem send me RR's anytime. :)

[Jag]

Please send me yours as well. I enjoy your writing

[AWickedMoon]

I will! :)