College Girl

Pretty Angry. Says it all really.

So every step is a
well placed move,
You know every
hop, skip, click,
turn and slot
into the queue
to get a burger,
chips and a
health bar
Cos
you're on
a diet kick.

So the summer
dress hangs
lightly round
your hips but
your eyes cry
from a perfectly
wretched affair;

What was his name?
Kyle? Carl? Kip?
Will he see you and
think - Hey...
She's It.
Will he walk you
home, sending
birds and bees into
your flame red hair?

What a wretched affair.
What with your Eight
Pound Eighty an hour,
hitting the streets,
Pushing the workers
who wash them
to join Greenpeace.
What with the;
"No sorry, miss,
I'm on my way
to dig dung pits
for Three pounds
an hour."
What a wretched affair,
But maybe Kyle, or Carl
or Kim will see you
as you talk to him,
And think; Hey...
She's It.

Perhaps deep down
beneath the crust
you've hidden some
real sadness, girl.

The stuff that
shakes you to the
bone.

But for now you're
a ship on the ocean,
Hitting the sales
and thinking;

What a perfectly
wretched affair,
For an English
college girl with
flame red hair.
 

Reviews

[Vanessa]

Firstly, my favorite line reads,
"sending
birds and bees into
your flame red hair"
I adore that. And second.. I thought that the ending was a nice conclusion that was like to the rest of the words, and so the connection was there.

I love the use of simplicity here, in "chips and a health bar" and what not.
One thing, just to correct your mistake, in the fourth stanza you write 'Kim' rather than 'Kip'.
Thought I'd help you out there.

GREAT poem.
//VK

[Ian]

This is a really good poem.
My favorite lines were:

"What a perfectly
wretched affair,
For an English
college girl with
flame red hair."

Great write!

[Adrian K. Smith]

There is a bit of that something else, that weaves its way into the language of this piece. I felt a certain festering plastic layering the surface, going through the motions, hiding it away while working a cause that is the cause of few as they worry on about their own cause. Wanting to be seen, as she wanders the scene, wondering what might have been tomorrow. Yes, her life is a wretched affair among the masses.

[Rachel DeHart]

I adore how you twist the imagery of this around... Completely flowing from image to image, I love it.

This stanza is my favorite.
"What a perfectly
wretched affair,
For an English
college girl with
flame red hair. "

[Collette]

I dig your piece...a lot. It has a lot to say about the way our youth is moving into adulthood, at a sickening rate. I enjoyed these lines immensely:


Perhaps deep down
beneath the crust
you've hidden some
real sadness, girl.

The stuff that
shakes you to the
bone

mainly, because I feel as though our youth is over dramatic and spoiled...we hardly know what true sorrow could possibly be. There is such a hype on living glamorized lives filled with "drama" and "depression", yet most wouldn't even know what to do in a true crisis situation. Survival of the fittest is going to the dogs, my friend. Your writing, however, is a clear sign that some of us aren't afraid to admit we don't know the sadness...or that we're not going to over-glamorize trivial things. Thanks for sharing!

[annjeelynn]

Nice form and fabulous imagery...I enjoyed it a lot. My faves:

Will he walk you
home, sending
birds and bees into
your flame red hair?
(fabulous!)

and:

What a wretched affair.
What with your Eight
Pound Eighty an hour,
hitting the streets,
Pushing the workers
who wash them
to join Greenpeace.
What with the;
"No sorry, miss,
I'm on my way
to dig dung pits
for Three pounds
an hour."
(brilliance!)

thanks so much for sharing this!

; )angie

[Not Afraid of Bruises]

LOVED this, all of it. For a girl on her way to her first year of college, it both spikes dread in me, and cheers me. can't wait for it, and yet, i guess i can. keep writing - loved how you mixed dialogue in this with a repeating line - works well.

[Orlando Murcia]

I agree with Digital Sunset, those are my favorite lines
this was a great piece of work bro

Great job !!

Orlando M

[Kiri J]

So the summer
dress hangs
lightly round
your hips but
your eyes cry
from a perfectly
wretched affair;



I just love your turn of phrase. I'm awash with shivers at the quiet rage and resentment you harbour for this girl. as if she's too far out of reach to hurt or to hold so you send acid words in a vain attempt to express yourself so that she will understand.

This is excellent.

[Siddartha Beth Pierce]

This is great! What a tremendously provocative story. Thank you. I was compelled from beginning to end.
Light,
Siddartha

[...]

Ridiculously awesome! :]
Simple and effective; my favorite style! ^^