The Swift Passing of Life

Contest Entry

 

Prologue

 

 

The world we know is huge, I mean, massive.

But the actual world we exist in, the circles we twirl in, the footsteps we make, the places we go, the city that we live in...

All these are really quite small.

 

A long time ago, a once close friend, my last and only girlfriend infact, said to me:

"Arthur, the world is small. It's so small that I could pick it up in one hand!"

Needless to say, I laughed and thought this complete nonsense, but knowing my girlfriend to be the intellectual sort,  I then asked her:

"How can that be? My hand is barely big enough to hold an apple!"

To which she replied dramatically,

"But surely that apple is the world?!"

 

At the time I didn't understand her, and a knudge, a little niggle at the back of my mind started to grow. It had been there for a while I think. She was beautiful and witty and intelligent, but it was like a brilliant white flame to moth. She eclipsed me. After a short time I had had enough. She was too eccentric, too full of life, too crazy that I could no longer stand the heat. She was too intense, and I have not seen her for a good 20 years now.

 

And yet, even now, I am searching through my old files and blowing away the cobwebs, I am trying to find her telephone number.... because I want to know what she meant.

I want to understand her.

I need to understand her soon because if I don't, I may not ever have the chance.

I have Four Weeks until I die.

 

My name is Arthur Swift.

And I want to start to live.

 

 

Author's Note

revisions made 4/05/08
revisions made 26/03/08

Reviews

[Susan S.]

At first I was taken off guard by the centering but after a while I got into it. It's an excellent prologue with just enough of a taste to draw the reader in and hook 'em good. You're up against some stiff competition, so I would like to make a few suggestions.

The idea of the writer at the typewriter is WAY overdone. It's really clich�. It is my opinion that it weakens the piece. (slight, but there)

The other thing I have hesitations with is the idea that this guy would blow off a "close" friend after just one statement. I suppose if it was the last straw... ...or if he wasn't as close, a co-worker or acquaintance or friend of the girlfriend I could see him shying away.

Brilliant work, good luck with the contest.

[Silver_Moon]

sad... but great work. :)

[run vs remember]

When it comes to reading fiction, I'm way too picky. Which is annoying, but I can't really help that for me, it has to be something different. The words sort of have to move on their own, it has to flow a certain way that I don't completely understand.

But whatever it is, this is it. It's great. I'll definitely read more.

[fkglhf;hfg]

w-o-w. this is good. its causal and honest and i want to read the rest. the centering was a little weird but its very intriguing and I'm dieing to read more. great work!

[Blitz]

reading this reminded me of something a friend told me. something like how big and how crowded the whole world is but we manage to carve out a place for ourselves. you can enjoy a handful of life, being perfectly content with what you hold but then there is always the chance to reach out for more.

[samuraipanda]

this is fantastic. for me, the very first requisite for good writing is if the opening hooks you. this prologue does just that, and makes me eager to continue on with the story. it's quite pretentious of me, but i often put a book down if the first line isn't great. right from the get go, this story is glazed with such powerful voice, and i can't wait to read more. i look forward to reading more of your writing, but especially in regards to the continuation of the story of arthur swift.
very well done.

[Lorna Hutchison]

I enjoyed reading this, it is quirky and unusual. I'd be enough for me to want to read on, good stuff! ;-)

[Inactive]

This prologue is amazing! I couldn't look away, I had to finish reading it. The fact that he needs to know what she meant because he only has 4 weeks to live was an excellent touch.

[Taj Sonchai]

I love it. This is an awesome piece.I was trying to submit a title for you, but I got lost in the shuffle somewhere? Got confused about the submission.

So I'll submit it to you here. "An Aquired Taste for Fruit Lost"
Good luck with this piece in whatever plans you have for it.

~Taj

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Good job. It pulled me in, and I liked the words you chose, and the way you described his longing to be with this one girl, who pulled him in because of her wit and intellect, yet was as intense as fire. Kinda reminded me of myself, and made me reminesce over one past relationship i had.

the format was a little confusing at first, the centering, but the others who reviewd were right, it pulled you in more, the way you spaced it out.

overall, i love it. and want to read chapter 2.