Freedom

A tale of inner demons. TRIGGER WARNING - mental illness, suicide.

It was the summer of 1970. The sun made the sweat glisten on my skin, looking like dew set on a flower of the early morning. As I trekked up this massive hill, hiking stick in my hand, making the leaves crunch underneath it as it dug into the ground with each step I took. Silence like a cancer, it grows. It was peaceful until it was invaded. I heard rustling behind me but I didn’t pay no mind to it. I’m in the woods, there are going to be animals here. I admit, it did startle me. But I just kept going forward. I had too, If I wanted to get out of here alive. I don’t know where I’m going but at least I’m going somewhere. “Damn, I need water.” I whisper to myself as I do myself a favor and stop and sit at a nearby tree. I take off my backpack, I unlatch it and get out that heavenly liquid I desired so much. I drank little by little considering I only had one bottle. I put it in my bag as I hear a low growl that startles me to my bones. “I have got to get out of here. Alive.” I whisper to myself once more. I get up from my spot, hiking stick in hand, ready to get the hell out of here. I start walking in the opposite direction from whence the noise came. I walk faster this time, speeding up every so often when I felt the thing that made the growl get closer. I didn’t know what it was, and I didn’t want to find out. Death wasn’t going to take me. No, not today. I stopped at a spot where I knew I could concentrate. The howling winds, the birds chirping, and the growling were getting jumbled together, making my commute to safety more difficult. As I stood there, I closed my eyes, separating the birds, growling, and howling winds from each other. I know I shouldn't have stopped but I felt as if I needed to do this. Then all of a sudden, I heard this loud yowling coming in my direction. I also smelt burning. Was the forest on fire? I wasn’t going to find out. I dropped my hiking stick and ran for what seemed like forever. The leaves slipping under my feet. The dew from the morning that had already come and gone making them the equivalent of slippery ice. Something took a hold of me as I stopped and turned to see the culprit of the yowling. It was the creature of all nightmares. The living epitome of a demon from Hell. It looked like its body had engulfed all its features. From its arms to its face. Its mouth was still there for some reason. I found it odd that it's following me but yet had no eyes on the surface of its face. Maybe under the burnt, veiny beige color it had as skin. It looked like its body was struggling to get out of what looked like elastic skin. Now, moving closer and closer as these observations flooded my mind, it started to what seemed like spew black liquid from its mouth. But the liquid wasn’t any ordinary liquid, it was some kind of acid. It burnt the leaves as it stumbles toward me. It put me in some haunting trance, I couldn’t turn away. But I knew I needed to and fast. I somehow escaped but not without it spewing black acid on my arm. I called it a number of names as I ran from it, holding my arm at the parts it didn’t get. As I ran, I thought, “How the hell did I get here? To this point and now running from a creature that I would’ve never guessed actually existed.” I find as I’m thinking this, my fear turns to motivation to get out of here. It’s either this thing or me. And I’ll make it known that I’m the one getting out of here alive. As I’m running, I hear it take one final howl into the sky. I turn around to see if it’s still on my tail. When I turn around, I see a herd of these things. Spewing black liquid and howling in different directions. I turn back around to see where I’m going as I realize I’m at the edge of a cliff. I think to myself, “I either die from the anticipation waiting for them to kill me, or I go out as a person who escaped these demons.” as I’m thinking, I can hear them howling and retching. I close my eyes and take one last final breath before I lift one foot off of the edge and turn around and fall to freedom. As I’m writing this, I know the “demons” are my own, The liquid the spew are my thoughts. The thoughts that made me follow this path. I’m sorry to everyone who tried to help me. I no longer can be helped. To my mom who desperately tried to do everything for me. I’m sorry for the pain this is going to cause you. I love you all. Sincerely, John.
I sob so loud and my cries are painful to the chest as I read this for the millionth time. The suns hitting my black dress covered back. I bring the tissue to my face, staring into the coffin now covered with white roses. I look around thinking the white contrasts with the black clothed crowd. I step down from the podium as I go by the coffin, kneeling down. My hand graces the cold, metal top. I stay like this for a while. I whisper to the coffin, as tears stream down silently, “Mom loves you.”