Criminal Within Me.

Criminal Within Me.

A Poem by SuicidePact.

I wipe the tears from my eyes,

Wash the blood from my hands.

What have I done?

Why have I done it?

I’ll plead temporarily insane.

If I run now, maybe I won’t get caught.

If I run now maybe I’ll have a chance at life.

When they find me, it’s the end of me.

What will I tell them? My family and friends...

Will they believe me? When i say I don’t know why?

Will they comfort me? When I start to cry?

© 2012 SuicidePact.


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EMF
A nice opening hook. Well structured and smoothly done, but you might want to consider expanding it, sometime in the future. It could be that there is an awful lot more there. I liked it as is though. If farms out so many questions to the reader that they can't help but become a small part of things

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love it!! Nice write

Posted 12 Years Ago


Love this !!!

Posted 12 Years Ago


I love the emphasis you put on blood. It really stands out in the piece. Lovely work here.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Nice hook >_> I still have no idea what she has done..but at the same time, it's stuctured well, and the questions itself make you think......

Posted 12 Years Ago


So many questions with no answers. With no prior knowledge of what happened, this has become a great piece.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Very good. Thanks for sharing. Cheers

Posted 12 Years Ago


i like the first four lines. i think thats what most criminals think after they kill someone. good job!
-mariah

Posted 12 Years Ago


Damn. That seems like it ended abruptly. It seems to have been literally cut off. Not that that's a bad thing.
I enjoy the mixture of guilt and panic that hits the narrator (you, I suppose) all at once. The implications are truly staggering. I had a dream once that was almost exactly like this (which sucked a*s, because I got caught).

Posted 12 Years Ago


i like the frantic tone mingled with concern. Nice layout as well. I agree we need to read more..could be a page turner :)

Posted 12 Years Ago


I really hope you aren't speaking from experience on that one :/ I've done that before and it's one hell of a fight to stop and really take a look into the mirror and give a care about this twisted world. Ever need to talk there are a lot of people who will comfort and care, promise :)

Posted 12 Years Ago



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68 Reviews
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Added on April 5, 2012
Last Updated on April 5, 2012

Author

SuicidePact.
SuicidePact.

Not telling!, SecretVille., Australia



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