Criminal Within Me.

Criminal Within Me.

A Poem by SuicidePact.

I wipe the tears from my eyes,

Wash the blood from my hands.

What have I done?

Why have I done it?

I’ll plead temporarily insane.

If I run now, maybe I won’t get caught.

If I run now maybe I’ll have a chance at life.

When they find me, it’s the end of me.

What will I tell them? My family and friends...

Will they believe me? When i say I don’t know why?

Will they comfort me? When I start to cry?

© 2012 SuicidePact.


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EMF
A nice opening hook. Well structured and smoothly done, but you might want to consider expanding it, sometime in the future. It could be that there is an awful lot more there. I liked it as is though. If farms out so many questions to the reader that they can't help but become a small part of things

Posted 12 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

I love the hook, it runs real smoothly, and really grabs the attention of the reader. Considering from what I've read maybe a second part to this is needed to see what happens?

Posted 12 Years Ago


Heart stopping poem. Excellent write.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Nice work as always :) I like it

Posted 12 Years Ago


adding more to my last post, we also want to know "what you did" you gave us a great hook, but you never gave us the story behind the hook.. i guess ): I still love this! it has major potential (:!!!! -s

Posted 12 Years Ago


i like the idea of this.. but i really want to know why you did it, just like you asked the reader, (how do we know why?) tell us! nice write- s

Posted 12 Years Ago


Extremely well written, i love this one of yours. Made perfect sense, because many criminals dont know exactly what they've done until they've actually done it, and the guilt creeps over. Mostly they're done in passio scelus.

Posted 12 Years Ago


this is great from beginning to end. Love it.

Posted 12 Years Ago


The guilt of being caught, not of being a murderer, an interesting detail.
What do the families and friends think of their loved one being . . . less than a desirible member of society. A question to keep you up at night if there ever was one.

Posted 12 Years Ago


Ahh... Macbeth what have you done?

Nice write and yes the blood in a different colour gave it a center. Would have changed "My family and friends..." to "My friends and family..." most people would tell their friends first and it's a rhyming thing and "When i say "

I agree with EMF this is the genesis of something bigger.

Posted 12 Years Ago


This is good it grabbed my attention and i like it

Posted 12 Years Ago



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68 Reviews
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Added on April 5, 2012
Last Updated on April 5, 2012

Author

SuicidePact.
SuicidePact.

Not telling!, SecretVille., Australia



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