She.

She really looks like death, her eyes a vortex waiting for you to fall into the trap.

Don’t look into them; you may never be the same.

Don’t look into them; avoid your own personal doom.

She’s like a cat waiting for the perfect time to pounce,

She’s an animal, a beast inside a mask.

She’s a danger to your soul; she’s a danger to us all.

Don’t fall for her mind tricks; ignore what escapes those devil lips.

You’d better run, you’d better hide, before she gets you, before she unleashes her inner being.

Before it’s too late, before no one there to hear you scream.

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear SuicidePact.,

I think you should rearrange the first line to put more emphasis on how she looks like death. In addition add some more detail before the eyes being like a vortex. Add more character to the vortex of those deathlike eyes.

Change "inside" to behind.

And "inner being" should be replaced with something else. Your diction has characterized this person in an animalistic manner. The rest of the poem should follow suit.

and finally change "no one" to "no one's."

The idea reminds me of a chick I used to know. Oh my gosh, a sweet girl when you first talk to her, but if you a male, you had better watch out. She'd be ready to wrap her tail around a man's neck and snap it quick. She was like a hurricane, destroying everyone in her path, even herself at times. Really sad. I felt sorry for her at first then I got mad when she started getting to my guy friends. Oh well, hope she's doing better.

Sincerely Livana Lowell (LL)

God bless

[Angelic Surrender]

deep.

[rikdem]

wow, just the way it was put together and the parallelism just makes it flow good job :)

[Sugar Plum ♥]

Oh that is really amazing! I love the mixture between dark gothic and vampire character and face of Medusa from Greek mythology...The melody of the poem is great too! thank u...
~nia~

[Suze]

Hey - I know the person who this is about! Not really, but it sounds like some people I've had to deal with over the years. Good write!

[Po3tByH3art]

Wow this is very good, this really needs no work seems like a girl whom is trapped and can only wish to have not done wrong, but either way good work! :)

[Raven Starhawk]

This reminds me of someone I met online a few years back. >.> As I read I couldn't help but think of that woman who likes to lie, cheat and manipulate. Although I am not sure what this poem is about it stays with me, leaving images that I can relate to that time long ago.

[Sophie]

This is a great write! One of my favorites :) my fave line is: She’s an animal, a beast inside a mask.
beautiful description here!

[reflectingus]

I love the intense emotions in this poem, it is so powerful, and you have done a good job of expressing that insecure and powerful feeling. I like how you kept it short and direct, and that adds to that daunting effect.
"She’s an animal, a beast inside a mask"- I like this partt

[Jay. E. V.]

ooh i dont knwo how to feel about this one;D
sounds like a man eater poem, but could be supernatural;D do I smell an idea for a short story?;D i think i do