I no longer recognise myself.

I reach toward my bedside table to reveal the knife I had hidden inside the empty tissue case.

 

I can feel the aching of my veins, they control my inner thoughts, wanting to be opened, wanting to be exposed.

 

No time for quick decisions, I can't choose to just ignore, so I bring the blade towards my pale white skin.

 

Which quickly turns to crimson, I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips.

 

Tears stinging my eyes, burning down my raw skin, my heart aching, I feel sick from the inners of my being.

 

What are people going to say? Attention seeker! emo! loser! the hateful words I am yet to come by.

 

I play with my blood, tracing the blade with my bloody finger, and I slowly begin to look up.

 

When I look into the mirror I see the devil, I'm no longer me, and I never will be.

Author's Note

# This is a little different to my usual style.

#I'll happily fix grammar and spelling, please point it out.

# tell me what you think honestly.

#The ending I'm not too sure about, any thoughts on that one?

Reviews

[Leah]

The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:

" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.

I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.

No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...

Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.

Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.

Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.

As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.

And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."

Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.

[AK]

I really liked this style of writing, very different from your usual. I think it should be Emo! Loser! Instead of emo! loser! as they are separate sentences on their own. Secondly, the last line is nice, no problem. Just that as all the stanzas have two lines, you may want to shift 'and I never will be' to the next line. Hope it helps,
Akanksha Suresh

[jennifer little]

nice poem great job

[Emerald Seas]

You touch on a part of culture that is kept hush, hush - more prevalent than many realize I suppose. I hope the blade stays put away and this is only an exploration into the psyche of a cutter. A difficult subject to tackle, and I think you do a good job of seeing things from "their" eyes. The ending is a bit harsh for me, but it has a dramatic flare.

[zero binty]

It's not an ending though. Just a glimpse into a moment in your time. When you realize that whatever is causing you to feel like this is not worth losing future opportunities, different paths start showing.

[Who Cares]

NOOOO DO NOT change the end, I lik eit just the way it is. This was powerful and eyes opening. The imagery is INTENSE and I am soooo loving it :D

[eatmills]

Don't change the ending it is perfect.

Loved this "... I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips."

I agree with Rene. The images you have painted with words have created a surrealistic atmosphere.

[fireblossom]

Veins wanting to be opened. waiting to be exposed...very powerful. Those veins are the girl wanting to be heard or understood or wanting to expose her pain in one final attempted to be heard...

Well written SP

[Lowesy]

Writing - Only thing I saw was the 6th line down, after the exclamation marks there needs to be capitals, other than than, done good. I disagree with Marie, I think that the last line works well. It adds to the something inside you that you hate, rather than you being unhappy in general. It means that you want to overcome it.
Personal - everything ok? You must be thinking stuff to write this stuff.

[Susanna F]

A hard poem to read - this is not something I have much experience with in particular, but you have revealed the feelings behind a phenomenon that is too often dismissed as you describe. As such, this is very good. I have had similar feelings and acted out in self-destruction, however, and it sounds to me like a legitimate case of depression, something that can be treated, if not cured. If you have the time and inclination, you can check out my piece "Depression from the Inside" and maybe you will be able to relate to me, too. Good luck, and take care of you.