The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:
" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.
I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.
No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...
Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.
Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.
Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.
As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.
And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."
Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.
i take my cue in reviewing this from your title...I no longer recognise myself. This is a tortured write, expressing many emotions and fears, i think you have shown the nature of this theme quite well, thanks.
Very interesting and great imagery. Maybe the ending could say 'I see a stranger' instead of the devil? Just a thought since you mentioned you weren't sure about it.
This line bothered me, "No time for quick decisions." The whole ordeal is a quick decision because it's a desire that the narrator has "chosen" to act upon. The line seems disconnected from the rest of the stanza is what I am saying.
And this line, "I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips" is awkward. What were your lips preparing to do, scream? If the narrator had hidden the knife and couldn't ignore his or her yearning skin, he or she has done it before, so it seems a bit strange. Try revising it.
This line "I feel sick from the inners of my being" is vague. Add some detail. This idea is old, so add some fresh detail. Actually the whole line is a nit of a cliche.
"I am yet to come by?" what does this mean?
And finally the last line. Delete the "I see the devil" and "I never will be," then the ending should be fine.
Of course I read your piece(first),scrolled down for the reviews, and yes, Leah's presentation of the poem captivates me more than the original (sorry). The thought conveyed became more clear so suddenly I felt the emotion of the piece...