I no longer recognise myself.

I reach toward my bedside table to reveal the knife I had hidden inside the empty tissue case.

 

I can feel the aching of my veins, they control my inner thoughts, wanting to be opened, wanting to be exposed.

 

No time for quick decisions, I can't choose to just ignore, so I bring the blade towards my pale white skin.

 

Which quickly turns to crimson, I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips.

 

Tears stinging my eyes, burning down my raw skin, my heart aching, I feel sick from the inners of my being.

 

What are people going to say? Attention seeker! emo! loser! the hateful words I am yet to come by.

 

I play with my blood, tracing the blade with my bloody finger, and I slowly begin to look up.

 

When I look into the mirror I see the devil, I'm no longer me, and I never will be.

Author's Note

# This is a little different to my usual style.

#I'll happily fix grammar and spelling, please point it out.

# tell me what you think honestly.

#The ending I'm not too sure about, any thoughts on that one?

Reviews

[Leah]

The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:

" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.

I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.

No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...

Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.

Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.

Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.

As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.

And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."

Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.

[K.C. Zbryk]

You capture the dark emotions in this quite vividly and pull the reader with you on this twisting jouny through your mind. I though this was very well composed and presented. Honestly i an often conflicted on how to end a piece and am constantly debating editing or changing my work. Kerouac didnt thing editing was appropriate and even went so far as to call it censorship. While others meticulously dissect their writing polishing it to a shine. In the end i think the opinion that matters the most is yours. Went on a small rant there, but i thought the writing was very well done.

[Michael Thrower]

This, I think, perfectly depicts how people feel when they release like that. You did a great job and I'm sure it will be able to touch a few people who really have this problem, it even touched me. Again, great piece, keep it up. I'm favoriting this one too.

[Geraldine]

The ending is brilliant for me.^^ This is an excellent piece.

[nathan]

wow dark this poem is

[Shy Girl]

Honestly..this write scared me a tad. Like really looking in the mirror..Relief of the inner pain is fleeting and then the shame sets in...you described the course of events from the reaching for the hidden blade..on to the effects that one can't go back and redo, so to speak. Very life like in esence and meaning..good job :)

[Sunflower]

I really love this write, excellent

[I Shred This Cabbage]

good write. i don't really enjoy the subject matter but you have captured an intimate feeling all the same.

i don't agree with the comment below. there is an immediacy to the style that helps focus it to a moment. too much editing would probably lose this. and you really have to write from a contained vocabularly, stretching for words will produce insincere poems.

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I like the ending actually, from what you said in your author's note. This is really nice, I really like the heartbreak and feeling in this, the meaning. Really really good.

[Becky Clancy]

I thought it was both sad and scary at the same time, but it was still a good poem (:

[paradise]

honestly scared me alot but was a nice poem