i don't want to die.

I let out a silent scream, as he came for my neck,

His fangs glistened in the moonlight.

My heart's racing 150 beats per minute.

Adreniln filling my veins

 

Was he someone i knew?

He does look familiar.

I wonder who sired him.

But I don't stop to think,

 

I have to keep running.

I don't want to be vamp food,

I don't want to die young

please somebody help me,

 

 

 

I'm too tired to run.

 

 

Reviews

[AK]

Okay, constructive criticism on the way.
First, I didn't really get scared or get the feeling of the persona getting scared. You could try adding somethings like 'I was drenched in cold sweat' or describe the vampire a little more.
The flow's a bit haywire you know going from the vampire's looks to your feeling to the vampire again.
And when the vampire's behind you, you run not think of his sire. It wouldn't even cross your mind really! And you run for sometime, only then become tired of running. So yeah, proofreader it.
Akanksha Suresh

[Rasputin]

This is a fundamental part of horror- the inability to escape certain danger. It's like those dreams where you're trying to run away from something, but it feels like you're running in water.

[Marie]

Frightening...the thought of having to run from somethng you do not know.

[J. J. Nightingale]

OH .. A FANTASY .. A GOOD CHANGE OF PACE FOR YOU ...

COOL, AS WE OLD FOLK USED TO SAY ! .. JAZZY

[SlightlyOdd]

Hmm good interesting i like it

[S. Michael Long]

i like this, and i see what you are trying to do, but i worry that it may be over emphasized, try to remove any visual expletives, (like the larger fonts) i think you have a really nice start here, it reminds me of the vampire diaries or true blood (:

[The old me]

Really amazing poem. The color differences add a lot to it. And every line is very intense and emotionally pact.

[Who Cares]

Nicely written, I like it