Take a flight, with a calculator in hand, to a dance studio, which requires taking a chance and becomes useful to your dance partner, who thinks your both pretty cool looking, who will think you a worthy partner, love you for that because shameless dance if the most liberating, worth the entertainment value alone, and keeps you company. Not that I dance. I just needed to cover all your issues. Look not to others hoping to find yourself. Then read this Haiku.
Void, empty, lost, afraid
Racing toward nothing known
The light, in my hand
You tell it like you feel it and using the bigger, bold font makes for a bleaker poem.
I can't read a poem like this and, in case this is not fiction, make a comment or two about needing to value and love yourself, before others can love you or you can truly love anyone else, for that matter. All human beings feel worthless at times and I don't think anyone hasn't done something they are ashamed of, but rise about your mistakes and learn from them. Life is a learning journey for all of us. We may not ask for a lot of the lessons we are given, but all you can do is, try your best. Don't be any harder on yourself, than you would be on someone else. Cut yourself some slack and carry on!
*huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug* Okay, I totally know the boat you're in. I start there every day, it seems like. But you can GET OUT OF THIS HOLE! I say that with all the love in the world. Stay strong, S.P.