The Celebration

It's a raining on the island, Tera is sitting alone in the towns most respectable resteraunt, casually checking his watch waiting for his wife to meet him there. Checking his phone one more time, in case he missed her call, before he gets the chance to look up, there's this noise as Kaetalita rushes into the seat opposite him, at there table.

'Baby, I'm sorry I'm late' she says, taking a sip from his wine glass, and then casually throws her bag under the table, which lands on Tera's foot.

'What have you got in there ouch!'

'You do know it's rude to ask a woman about the contents of her bag' she smiles at him, to show him that she's only joking.

A waiter takes their order, and the pair sit there and talk,

'So, what's the occasion, why are we here tonight in this restaurant?' Kaetalita asks her husband suspiciously.

'You want to know now really? Alright Well, baby I did it! I got into the pro surfing circuit'

"BABY, Good job! OH MY! My husbands a pro surfer!' kaetalita practically screams to the whole resteraunt.

 

The two share a romantic dinner, and after two hours they finally leave, they came in seperate cars, although the weather is getting worse and they decide to go home in Tera's car. once inside his fairly new vehicle, Kaetalita leans over and kisses him pasionately, Tera kisses her back, she climbs atop of him as he reclines his chair back.

"mmm, kat baby, maybe we should finish this at home, that creepy man outside is staring at us' Tera whispers.

''Oh my Gosh, He is too' she jumps back into her own seat and Tera starts the car.

'I still can't believe your going on tour next summer, i'm so proud of you.' Kaetalita says in between  mouthfuls of chocolate.

Its bucketing down rain which makes it extremely hard for any driver to see out of their windscreens.

'I'm glad we left your car back there, I'd be so worried if you'd been driving by yourself in this weather' Tera is very protective of his wife, always has been ever since she first agreed to go on their first date, back when they were only 15.

'You just love my company' Kaetalita jokes.

'Man this is terrible weather, I can hardly see where I'm going, if i didn't know this town like the back of my hand, We'd probably end up in the ocean'

'Tera, i love you' Kaetalita randomly declares, and Tera takes his eyes off the road to look at his wife, his beautiful wife,

'I love you too' he whispers, and that's all he remembers, the rest is blank.

Reviews

[Abram Walker]

I think this is a great beginning! I can tell this was originally a screenplay by your descriptions of the scenery and the characters actions. Great ending though. I think a cliffhanger in the first chapter is great way to get readers to want to read more! Looking forward to reading the rest. I am no way an expert at spelling or grammatical errors, so I'm not sure what to look for. I would agree that a quick spell/grammar check would suffice, but overall great first chapter!

[AK]

I know you already mentioned that you are just writing it before you forget the idea, but really try running a spelling and grammar check. The tense in which the story is written is kind of weird, present continuous in the beginning and then simple present. Try not to fluctuate the tense, it'll be better to read. To see if the tense is proper, just read out the story and see how it sounds. When it 'sounds' good, it'll be good to read. If you want to choose a tense, try past. Most readers prefer reading in the past tense and it's easier to write too. Nice beginning though..

[xx]

I can catch glimpses of where you're taking this, and I approve whole-heartedly, even though I'm not much of a romance buff or anything of that sort. To be honest, there needs to be more to reel me in, personally, but again - that's just me. I'm more of a science fiction/fantasy reader. What you have, though, is promising! Just a few things you might want to do:

Spelling! Spelling is important, and it's wise to proofread your piece, going over every sentence carefully and looking for any silly mistakes that might be in them. And then proofread again! Just in case. :)

Grammar check! Although there are writers who manipulate sentence structure in an odd way, it takes a great deal of practice to be able to manipulate them effectively - if you go over your piece again, I'm sure you'll be able to fiddle with the sentences, but as they are now, they muddle up readability. Remember your "there," "their," and "they're" - and remember quotation marks for dialogue, not apostrophes. And remember to appropriately punctuate dialogue, so that you are ending them with either a period, comma, or exclamation mark, or question mark, and so on, as necessary.

I'm sure that you will find it easy to fine tune this piece if you go over it a few times, so don't give up! Keep writing! :)

-Mina