Dear Cow/Lemming and Wannabe Zombie

Dear Cow and Zombie,

   It has come to my attention that you two b*****s are utterly brain damaged. I'm sorry for the loss of a very valuable thing that helps you somewhat function. Just remember, it is inhale and exhale to breathe. On the other hand, I should draw pictures since you two are incapable of doing anything on your own.

   I have put up with the crap from you two for four long f*****g years, ugggh it was horrible. What can I say though it is my own fault, I have a soft spot for the feeble minded. It has been four years of listening to Zombie whine about that tub of goo she calls a boyfriend.

   It has been four years of listening to the cow whine about how her family doesn't love her. Frankly if I were you two, I would have done the world a favor and slit my wrists looooong ago. You're a waste of space and are just sucking up the oxygen for those that actually serve a purpose in the world.

   I had to sit back and remove my own head from y sphincter to realize that while the cow may have her chicken, and the zombie may have her big fat fugly security blanket boyfriend. They both may be out from the watchful eye of their family. They aren't happy and they aren't going to make it in the world.

   Why? Because cow can't think for herself she needs people to tell her what to do like the useless lemming that she is. She is too afraid of what the world would think if she dyed her hair black or got another tattoo. Right now the b***h is living on welfare and off her boyfriend who is also leeching from the state.

   The boyfriend hopped on his burro and could have had a job to support them but he would rather sit on his fat a*s and mooch off the government. How sad, and he refuses to let his cow pay for anything, it's ok she has no money except for the pennies she collects when she jiggles her fat rolls on street corners.

   The other one the zombie wannabe well b***h you got the zombie part right since you're always on the quest for brains. Too bad you didn't get one when you visited Oz. I would think the wizard would have taken pity on your wretched pathetic self. Actually, you and your boyfriend are an abomination to nature.

   Zombie whined about how her boyfriend hasn't been sexing her up and how she has been cheating on him with some guy she met from the internet. Yes, that is a real accomplishment good for you and I'm the one building a life on false hope.

    If you're unhappy with your life then do something to f*****g change it instead of whining and bitching about it. Zombie has to just leave her boyfriend and things could be semi better, she can take her fat a*s back to school to be what she really wants to be.

     Thing is you two b*****s are bound by fear; I am not bound by the fear. I may not be happy but if I have to listen to constant f*****g whining from two people who I believed were my friends and they want a better life but aren't willing to get off their fat asses and get it. I'm going to be a bit of a b***h. I’m tired of the constant f*****g whining about how you two dumbasses are going to do something or be something.

            Cow you could have f*****g left Washington at any time and stayed the hell away; you’re welcome that I was a reason to get your roly poly a*s away. Zombie, you know what just go away and take the f*****g cow and her talking enchilada with you. You both make me sick because you’re the very picture of everything I hate in the world.

            Soft, whiny, VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN F*****G CIRCUMSTANCE! You know what b*****s I wouldn’t say I have built a life on false hope because well let’s see who have you two met? Cow has only met two famous people in her whole existence and the zombie hmmm zero!

            My list is long I have met famous people, non famous, semi famous, and some pretty f*****g cool people that are nice enough to stick through the s**t even if it does hit the fan. You two aren’t worth two drops of monkey piss.

            Also you know what I wanted to change my appearance and it was a little scary but guess what I f*****g did it. You want to change your hair then do it you f*****g p*****s. It’s just hair it will grow back.

            I realized I have also been more places than these two f*****g morons will ever go. Hmmm lets see I have been out of the country, in the country and across the country. Where have you two b*****s been? Oh that’s right….nowhere because you’re too f*****g afraid to go anywhere.

            I might be a vain, shallow b***h that occasionally has her head up her own a*s at times. But I know what I want from life and I’m not going to let anyone or anything stand in my way of obtaining it. Why? Because I’m just that damn confident in my abilities as a person to achieve my goals.

            If I want to move to Germany, I will f*****g do it, why haven’t I done anything yet about it? How would you two b*****s know? The one can’t type because the fat blocks her fingers and the other one isn’t around. I have been apartment hunting and learning the language.

            I want to live there I want to be able to speak the language and read it damn it. I’m not going to want to have to rely on other people. As for me being strong and having the whole me against the world persona, in a way it is me against the world.

            Zombie said I could count on her to have my back, yeah RIGHT sure I could when the b***h was actually not being selfish about her own f*****g issues. As for the cow well you know what that was a lost cause and she should have been drowned.

            Am I harsh? Damn straight but I have gone through my life trying to make every f*****g body happy and it is tiring. I’m going to start being the selfish c**t that most people believe me to be and say screw the bluebird of happiness for others, I’m seizing it for myself.

            So you know what Cow, make your pathetic little digs at me on twitter, hide behind your private profile on myspace. I DON’T CARE! Because you never would have made it in the world if I didn’t help you, and you won’t make it in the world on your own so your little government mooching boyfriend can support your fat a*s.

            I’m better than you, because I actually give a damn about my health, you’re happy being a fat little dumpling, but you know what it’s because of that you won’t be able to have kids. Which is a good thing because if they have you as a mother those poor kids are going to be utterly screwed up!

            Zombie you can go f**k yourself because you are going to be stuck in that nasty little lazy relationship you have in Indiana. You’ll never make it in the world either and you’ll be miserable.

            I might be lonely in the end but you know what I’ll have my career, my money oh and not to mention the hot guys I will get to s**t around with because I will actually be living life. You two can come to my grand bash of fourty and flirty when I have it, this way I can rub my success in your stupid little doughy faces and then have the police escort you from the property.

            Go to hell and as the song goes if you were dead or still alive I DON’T CARE!

 

Reviews

[Eidolon Michael]

HAHA THAT WAS AWESOME! You really remind me of how I feel about a lot of people in my life and what I've always wanted to say to them. Man, I'm going to keep it in my personal notes not to ever get on your bad side. This letter was awesome and the words you used to express your feelings, while at times slightly vulgar, were very interesting and got your point across perfectly. It was very well done. And you don't have to answer this, but is this aimed at a real person? If so, I really feel bad for them lol

[Michael X]

talk about living the dream..! hmm
"Right now the b***h is living on welfare and off her boyfriend who is also leeching from the state."

this feels like an epic rant, but more so an expose into the nature of a dying friendship- raw and unremorseful as well as hardcore sentimental who wouldn't be intrigued by such a realese of sincerity,
seriously, this is brilliant, like i actually couldnt stop reading it, humorous, whitty and vulgar,
and actually dynamic in the emotional outpouring, it speaks of life, love and memories. Wow!

[Sean M. Addams]

wow... this piece is very amusing to me ... very well expressed dark in places but it fits this place nicely... overall nice work you always have the most interesting writes:)

[Jemma]

I would really hate to get on your bad side.

VICTIMS OF THEIR OWN F*****G CIRCUMSTANCE ---- Best f*****g line!