BALLYBERG: THE MOST PECULIAR TOWN IN IRELAND

Every country has that really one weird town.

“You’ve got a lot of explaining to do. We’re going to talk to you and your friends one by one. You just tell us the truth, and this will go smoothly,” said the Garda Officer. Officer McCarty was known for being tough. He sat back in his chair facing the young teenage boy who tried to keep his calm. The dimly lit room gave off an air of seriousness. The one main light shone down on the table just as you would imagine in movies.

 

“Erm, well I’d have to say it all really started in the morning-

 

“Please state your name for the recording.”

 

“My name’s Patrick O’Sullivan, I live in Ballyberg. Me hobbies are hangin’ around the bog, having a laugh-

 

“This is no place for taking the mick! Cut the messing and get on with your story alright?” interrupted the guard. At the same time another officer entered the room and sat down facing Patrick. Pressing the recorder once more, Officer McCarty nodded at Patrick to give him the go ahead.

 

“My name’s Patrick O’Sullivan.”

 

“Tell us what happened this evening,” asked the second officer.

 

“Well I’ll have to start from the morning. You see me and my brother Osín where in the kitchen having breakfast. Now he kept whingin’ and it was wrecking my head…

 

“I want Kernflakes,” said Osín, tapping impatiently on the kitchen table.

 

“Are you sure you don’t mean Cornflakes?” replied Patrick.

 

“Sure that’s what I said “Kernflakes”, do ya not understand English?”

 

“That’s not English your speaking anyways.”

 

“Ah, go away would ya.’’ The one thing Osín really ate during the whole day was bowl of cereal. No one quite understood his fascination.

 

“Good morning boys,” said a tall dark haired woman in a grey suit. She put her briefcase on the counter and started to go through the mail.

 

“Morning ma.”

 

“Morning mammy,” added Osín.

 

“Aren’t you a bit old to be calling her mammy,” sneered Patrick.

 

“Aren’t you a bit old to be talking to that second year?”

“Erm excuse you mister, she’s two years younger than I am and I was asking about me homework right!”

 

“Ah would ya stop Pat, you haven’t done homework since YOU were in second year!”

 

“What?” asked Mom inquisitively, looking at Patrick.

 

“Erm, you look gorgeous Mammy, brilliant even,” replied Patrick. School wasn’t the kind of topic he liked to bring up with her.

 

“You just do your homework Patrick.”

 

“Yes ma.”

 

“Mom?” asked Osín, ‘‘Do we have any Kernflakes?”

 

“I don’t think so but there’s rashers, sausages and eggs on the table. I think I put some pudding in the fridge too.”

 

“And there’s other cereal in the cupboard,” added Patrick.

 

“But I always eat Kernflakes for breakfast.”

 

 “I’ll buy some after work,” said Mom. “I forgot to last night. I went ahead and bought your school books though.” The notion didn’t do anything to help Osín. He simply sank into his chair, disappointed.

 

“Well next time get important stuff like Kernflakes,” he whined. Mom just smiled and rubbed his head.

 

“Well, I’m going off to work, remember dinner is at 6pm. Be here on time today, I mean it.”

 

“We will,” they answered in unison.

 

“And be good. Stay out of trouble.”

 

“Ma,” said Patrick,” We’re always good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The guards just look skeptically at Patrick for stating he was always good. Being under question wasn’t exactly helping him either.

 

“What? Sure I didn’t say I was perfect.”

 

“Is this story going anywhere?” asked the second officer. She was obviously growing weary of his tale.

 

“Oh yeah it gets much better,” said Patrick in the most nonchalant way possible.

 

“Well right after Mammy left the phone rang and…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hello,” said Patrick with a mouth half full of porridge.

 

“Are you rehearsing for the play?” asked a girl.

 

“Shannon it’s half-nine in the morning, there are farmers who aren’t even up yet.”

 

“I don’t want you making a show of me on stage Patrick.”

 

“You do a good job of that on your own, you don’t need my help,” he replied, hanging up the phone.

 

“I’ll tell ya Osín if she comes near this house I’m ringing the guards.”

 

 

 

 

“So you like acting?” asked Officer McCarty

 

“I love it, I’ve been on seven plays and on the telly a few of times.  I even managed to be an extra on Fair City three times. Do you want my autograph now? It’ll be worth something one day you know,” said Shannon with honest enthusiasm. The two officers looked at her strangely. She was unusually eccentric.

 

“Right,” said Officer McCarty. “Tell us how you fit into what happened today.”

 

“Well I was in my room rehearsing in front of the mirror…

 

 

 

 

 

“I was young, I was free,” said Shannon. She constantly rehearsed her lines.

It’s all she thought about during the day and dreamt about in the night.

Known for being a perfectionist, it’s why they called Shannon So Right, due to the fact that she had to have everything just perfect.

Shannon sat facing the mirror, reading, working on her facial expressions and tone of voice. All she wanted was to go into fifth year perfectly prepared for the annual auditions of the school play. This time, she was finally old enough to be the lead. And no one cared or bothered as much as Shannon.

 

“I need lights.” She pressed a button by the mirror and the fancy lights built into the frames lit up.

 

“Perfect,” she said with a grin. She put her hand through her neck long black hair as if to fix it.

 

“Not so perfect.” Shannon took a strand of her hair and cut a part of it off.

 

“There we go.” This isn’t the first time she did this. Two weeks ago her hair was past shoulder length.

 

Dring-Dring-Dring-Dring-Dring. The doorbell went off over and over. Shannon ran down the stairs two steps at a time. She always did this even after having fallen on numerous occasions. If anything Shannon was incredibly clumsy, yet she only ever falls going down steps.

 

“Oh, hi Sinéad,” said Shannon.

 

“Come on I need to show you something.”

 

“Well I’m ready anyways.”

 

“Great now come on.” Shannon locked the front porch and they both ran hastily down the garden steps till they reached the gate.

 

“Wait, I’m in me socks!” shouted Shannon. She ran back to fetch her booths by the porch.

 

“Sorry about that, I was a bit excited,” added Shannon.

 

“Did you cut some of your hair again?”

 

“Erm-’’

 

“Shan, if you keep at it you won’t have any left,” warned Sinéad.

 

“Well ok I suppose. This surprise of yours better be good.”

 

“Oh wait till you see MY NEW CAR!” said Sinéad overjoyed.

 

“YOU GOT A CAR! Now I don’t have to ask mammy to bring us to the cinema!” said Sinéad.

    

“Sure it’s like two minutes away Shannon.”

 

“Who cares, you have A NEW CAR!”

 

“Uh-uh and it’s all mine! I just got it an hour ago. My dad bought it.”

“Well where is it?”

 

“Just around the corner.”

 

Shannon and Sinéad both ran awkwardly in excitement. Completely oblivious to the fact that there could be someone around the corner. And there was.

 

“Hey, slow down there girls, you almost knocked me down,” exclaimed a boy about their age.

 

“Eoin! Sinéad just got a car, you have to come with us for a spin.”

 

“Driving with two jumpy teenage girls? I don’t think so.” They paid no attention to Eoin’s protesting and pulled him along with them.

 

“Well you could at least tell me what kind of car it is,” said Eoin.

 

“It’s a blue one,” replied Sinéad.

 

“I meant what make is it? How many litres?”

 

“It’s a blue one,” repeated Sinéad. Eoin rolled his eyes. After a few moments they reached the car park. And there on it’s own was a small blue car. It looked so new, as if it had only been made a few seconds ago.

 

“My baby!” shouted Sinéad jumping up and down. The excitement of it all was too much for them both as Shannon and Sinéad darted for it.

 

“So shiny,” commented Sinéad.

 

“So AUDACIOUS!” added Shannon.

 

“Do you even know what audacious means?”

 

“It’s my new word Eoin and it sounds snavalicious.”

 

“Snavalicious?

“Now do you two want to argue or take a spin in me new car?”

 

“I’ll stay out here thank you very much,” answered Eoin.

 

“I get to sit at the front,” said Shannon sticking her tongue out at Eoin.

Sinéad pressed a button on her keys and the car beeped. The girls continued to shriek with laughter and joy.

 

“Would you guys keep it down, there are people asleep on the other side of the planet you know.” They proceed on as usual and got into the car.

 

“I love the smell of a new car!” exclaimed Shannon.

 

“Pity you guys had to ruin it though,” smirked Eoin.

 

“Seatbelts on everyone,” said Sinéad.

 

“You sound like my ma, YOU’RE SO GROW UP!” added Shannon.

 

“I know right?”

 

“Eoin,” asked Shannon, “ Why are you wearing two seatbelts?”

 

“Just a precaution.”

 

“Wait till you hear this guys,” said Sinéad. She turned on the radio, searching for a station.

 

“And we have another text,” came a voice from the radio. “It’s from a Sinéad in Ballyberg. She says ‘I just got a new car off me parents and I can’t believe it’s mine, I just want to tell everyone.’ Well Congratulations Sinéad we hope you have a safe and wonderful time with your car; remember speed kills so take it easy. Next on 360 FM we have the new song by The Chippers ‘I Want All That and a Sack of Spuds’ take a listen.”

 

“That was brilliant,” laughed Shannon.

 

“Yeah, and I love this song.”

 

“No you don’t,” interrupted Eoin.

 

“I do now because it’s playing in MY NEW CAR!” exclaimed Sinéad. The sound of music and the two girls singing could be heard from outside in the parking lot. Eoin clearly wasn’t as excited as the others, he couldn’t handle their screaming.

Sinéad was ready to drive, the freedom, the open road. It was all waiting.

But… the car wouldn’t go. Each time she tried to start the engine, nothing would happen.

 

“Oh no my new car!” she whimpered.

 

“What’s wrong with it?” asked Shannon, her heart sinking with each passing moment.

 

“It won’t budge.”

 

“What a sickner!” laughed Eoin.

 

“This isn’t funny,” snapped Shannon.

 

“I don’t get it,” sighed Sinéad, “ It was grand a few minutes ago. I even put got some diesel into to just up the road from here.”

 

“Sinéad,” said Eoin, “ Did you say diesel?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Well this car only goes on un-leaded, not diesel.”

 

“You put in the wrong the petrol?” asked Shannon in shock.

 

“But there wasn’t any un-leaded in the garage.”

 

“Well you just ruined your engine,” added Eoin.

 

“My baby!”

 

“Ah Sinéad even I know shouldn’t do that,” said Shannon.

 

“My dad’s going to go mental.”

 

“Girls!” shouted Eoin. They jumped, turning quickly, looking to see what’s wrong.

Suddenly a light went off! FLASH! Eoin smiled as he looked at his phone to see the picture.

 

“Priceless,” he laughed, un-buckling his seat and leaving.

 

“NOT FUNNY EOIN!” yelled the two girls.

 

“Don’t mind him Sinéad.”

 

“But my car-

 

“It’s ok, it’s ok we’ll fix this… somehow.” Sinéad hugged Shannon, she was grateful to have a friend with her. Just then the phone rang.

 

“Is it your dad?”

 

“No it’s Eoin,” replied Sinéad, clearly annoyed, “He probably wants to apologize.”

 

“Put it on loudspeaker.” Sinéad shrugged her shoulders and answered the phone.

 

“Yes, Eoin.”

 

“Yeah I heard you got a new car, why don’t you drive down to my gaff and we can go for a spin.”

 

“EOIN!”

 

“SO NOT FUNNY!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So you enjoy playing jokes on people?” asked Officer McCarty.

 

“The occasional joke yes,” replied Eoin.

 

“So was tonight another one of your ‘jokes’?”

 

The smile on Eoin’s face faded. He gulped and leaned back into his chair. The seriousness of the whole situation was starting to sink in.

 

“No it wasn’t, honestly. When I left the girls I felt sort of bad and rang up Osín. I thought he’d be able  to help them, honestly.

 

 

 

 

“Osín… Osín,” repeated the second officer. He continued to stare blankly at her, as if completely unaware of everything around him.

 

“Osín, could you please tell us what happened when Eoin rang you?”

 

“Is that your real hair?” asked Osín.

 

“Erm yes, it is?” replied the officer.

 

“It’s really yellow,” commented Osín,” Doesn’t look too real you now.”

 

“Let’s stick to the subject,” interrupted Officer McCarty, “What happened when Eoin called you?”

 

“Well I was about to have cereal, even though there wasn’t any of me Kernflakes left. So I got some, put it in me bowl, added the water-

 

“Water?” said the second officer.

 

“Yeah that’s what I said.”

 

“You ate your cereal with water?”

 

“Well there wasn’t any milk left, what did you want me to use, juice? At least I got me water from sink. Didn’t have to use the garden hose like last time.”

 

Reviews

[Gruntbuggly]

Right from the start, you do a good job of establishing the location, but some of the fine detail is a bit jarring here. It's not "Garda Officer", it's just "Garda". Similarly, it's not "Officer McCarty", it would be just "Garda McCarty", or - as he is known for being tough - he would more probably be known by a nickname.

These are just picky details, but get them wrong, and they can undermine all the work you get right in terms of setting the location, just as the way an actor's poor attempt at an accent can write off a whole movie.

Other than that, you might want to consider fleshing out the dialog with more descriptions, and try to give a few more clues earlier on about the incident being investigated. Give the reader a reason to want to follow it through.