Cauliflower

Two boys walk home

Two boys stood at the railing, looking down.  Do you see it?  The leaf?  Did it drown already?  Nah, I think we missed it.  It's already downriver by now.  Shoot.  Did you bring a stick?  We can float that.  Nope.  No stick.  The boys checked their pockets.  Nope.  Nothing.  They leaned on the railing and looked off into the distance.  Now what are we going to do?  You wanna jump?  The shorter boy recoiled from the edge at the thought.  Nope.  It's too far down and too fast a current.  Why don't you jump?  Well, you just said why not.  Fast and far.

Let's go home.  The older boy checked the sky and saw the sun was getting low enough that their mother would already be home.  That meant there'd be something tasty to hold them before dinner.  Yep.  Let's go.  They trudged along the side of the road, kicking rocks and scuffling in the leaves, heads down as they looked to see if anything shiny glinted in the dust.  Bottle caps, pull tabs, crumpled foil - all interesting.  A big farm truck drove up the road and they jumped onto the grass.  Well, dang, son, that thing was making some time.  Yep.  They looked in its wake for droppings.   The little one gave a holler!  Lookee here!  He'd found a bruised cauliflower.  It's a head!  There were zombies on the truck and one of them lost his head!  Idiot! You've lost your head!  That's just a vegetable.  Still, Frankie, I'm going to take it home.  Mama likes vegetables.  Maybe she'll want to split it open and scoop out the brain inside!  Ain't no brain in there, numskull, just like you.

They walked along and came into town.  The little one with his caulihead under his arm.  Well, if it ain't the Richards boys, called Mrs. Spivens from the porch.  What you fellas up to?  Nothin', ma'am.  Just went out to the bridge to watch the river.  It's all calm and tame now, but did I ever tell you boys about the flood?  Yes, ma'am, you did.  And what did I tell you?  How the river swolled up and went over the banks and washed away the church and now godless heathens live in town and have no place to learn about Jesus.  Mrs. Spivens crossed her arms over her chest, well, yup, that's about it.  And did I tell you what happened to two little boys who'd been up at the bridge, just like you two?  No, Mrs. Spivens.  Frankie whispered to his brother, I bet they met a bad end, though.   Mrs. Spivens gave him the stink eye.  Well, being the kind of boys who didn't listen to their ma, they were up there where they weren't supposed to be and when the waters rose, they got caught and were swept away down river.  The Boonsboro sheriff found their bodies lying on the bank stone cold.  Them boys met a bad end just like you two will if you keep sassing old ladies.  With a little snicker, although not downright sass, they said, Yes, Mrs. Spivens.

They walked past the general store.  Hey, Frankie, do you have a penny?  I want a candy.  No, I do not have a penny and, if I did, I wouldn't give it to you.  Frankie, why are you so mean?  He went to smack his brother, but held back.  That's a good question, you know.  Maybe Mrs. Spivens' meanness jumped over to me and now I want it to jump out of me, so I won't be carrying it anymore.  But if you get it, then it'll bounce around at home until we're all just bein' mean to each other.  

Frankie looked serious as he thought about getting rid of the mean before it got stuck in his family.  OK, I tell you what.  I'm gonna conjure this mean right out of me.  And then he saw the cauliflower head.  And I know right where to put it!  Gimme that head.  His little brother raised his eyebrows, you're still being mean.  Gol'darn it!  Okay, please.  Please, give me the head.  And he did.  

Frankie put the head down on a stump.  He remembered watching that preacher on TV and how he prayed and sighed over a little girl who was lame.  He put his hands on the cauliflower and raised his eyes up to heaven.  Jesus, he called, Jesus, take the mean I got in me, pull it out of me, and fill this head with it.  Jesus, take this from me and let me live in peace.  He closed his eyes, intoned In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost, mean be gone!  And then he stomped on the cauliflower, shattering it to bits.  He looked down in satisfaction at the white pieces spread across the road.  See, now it's gone.  His little brother sniffled a bit at the death of his prize.  Yep, it's gone.  Can we go home now?  Yep. Let's go.