Playing with my Food

Realization my coping skill set is failing me physically.

My pants fell down as I walked to the door. 

My stomach lives in its own knot, like my braids. 

   the braids bounce at my collar bones, striking in the sunlight

       through the stained glass door. 

       Soft flesh stretch across them like a sign you should say something.

Earlier today, “you look great!” but I don't like them,

 I've come to know I only like and bother with my present lovers 

But suddenly I know my crutches, my vices are all coming back to jab me like a fire gone dull. 

All my defenses and utensils I used to use to make it look like I really ate my full made-with-love meal, instead of playing with it, are stabbing me in the side.

                                      I feel myself needing someone soon,

                                         I've never submitted to myself.

Reviews

[James William Dyer]

This poem displays it perfect, the essence of it. A few snags: "Soft flesh STRETCHES (instead of stretch)..." and first line second stanza, ""but I don't like them" you (imo) would be better off to italicize the I or give it some syntactical emphasis, otherwise the reader is left confused and stumbling first read through. On the line that begins "But suddenly", your Image gets hazy, when you talk about "vices" "jabbing you, and the "fire gone dull", that line discombobulates the feeling you're trying to get through. "made-with-love-meal" (and I know what you're saying here, but the reader doesn't) sounds awkward and could (just my opinion), be rephrased. The last two lines, annotated to the corner, they don't really seem to fit the rhythm. "Playing with your food" think of the overall Image and its Sub-Images, I feel there should be more said about eating, the act of it, the need of it, the placement of it, how it's prettied up and made "composable", yet the very act of it is gruesome. Your evocation of emotion here, though, is great, superb, just (in my opinion) needs some ...taming?

[TL Boehm]

wow. My stomach lives in its own knot, like my braids....

[spiritwind]

WELL WORTH the time reading and musing over this as well as your time writing it!
This line grabs me [and jabs me] : "All my defenses and utensils I used to use to make it look like I really ate my full made-with-love meal, instead of playing with it, are stabbing me in the side."
Then you smack your reader with those last 2 lines!
Brilliant. Now stop reading what I have to say and go read James William Dyer's review--that man is a Master Poet and he knows whereof he speaks! And I think he sees a lot of talent in you as do we all!

[eglantine]

Ok, first, awesome title. Second, AWESOME first line! Totally caught my attention and snuck a smile from me. Absolutely enjoyed this, no suggestions, really. Thank you for sharing this.

[stimey]

i LOVE it. f#cken love love love it.

LOVE it.

[JacqMarie]

I agree, It was one of those that came out quick and I just threw it on here and I know I get the emotion through, but the structure/overall image/concept is lacking. I'll repost after I rework it. I'm just trying to check myself.. before I wreck myself

[Sunny Skye]

Nicely done! I like this very much. The emotions are very well shown. Good job!

-SkyeBlanco

[G!o]

Really well crafted thoughts and evoking emotions. I can't find any flaw but to say this is amazing.

[Baby Ricochet]

Love the first line. I would. Thanks