The unsent Apology

The apology that would have won you back. I'll never send this. It's not on my agenda.

These are the words that are written on my heart. The ones that really matter. 

And I can never say them to you because you would come back home to my hell....

You don't belong here anymore. The world is a better place for you without me.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"*****". I'm not asking for forgiveness. But please hear my apology...

You were the best woman I will ever meet. And I took you for granted.

You were the most honest woman I will ever meet. And I didn't believe you.

You were the kindest woman I will ever meet. And I was cruel to you.

You were the most loyal woman I will ever meet. And I betrayed you.

You were the most beautiful woman I will ever meet. And I didn't tell you often enough.

You were the strongest woman I will ever meet. And I slowly wore it down.

You were the most patient woman I will ever meet. And I always tested it.

You were the most compassionate woman I will ever meet. And I showed you none.

You were the smartest woman I will ever meet. And I treated you like a child.

You were the most loving woman I will ever meet. And I was cold to you.

You were the most tolorant woman I will ever meet. And I called you intolorant.

I was a fool. I should have tried harder to make you happy and less to persue my own agenda.

I should have listened when you asked me to change. 

I should have given you space when you needed to be alone.

I should have just held you when you were upset.

I shouldn't have pushed. I shouldn't have pried.

I shouldn't have lied. I shouldn't have told you you never tried.

I never should have made you cry.

I'm sorry "*****". From the bottom of my heart. No. I'm not asking you to forgive me anymore.

I'm recognizing that I destroyed the only soul I will ever know that was perfect.

I'm expressing my sorrow. For breaking the most beautiful soul I will ever meet.

I am sorry. For hurting you. For corrupting you. For betraying you. For taking you for granted.

I am never going to be able to forgive myself for hurting you. You didn't deserve it. And I don't deserve forgiveness.

You are right. You are and will forever be my deepest regret.

There are so many things I would do differently if I could turn back the clock.

I would have stayed in Maine and worked, and let you finish school.

I never would have let you spend the night at Heather's, And detour from your path.

I never would have left you. I never would have given you medication.

I would have been more patient with your needs, and given you more space.

And that day at the train station. I would have stopped you. And said I love you too.

You've forever changed me. And I'll forever be in love with you. 

And I'll forever regret my choices.. I'm so very sorry love...

I'm sorry I suffocated you. I'm sorry your petals were wilted by my flame.

Angels can't live in hell. I understand why you went away. 

If you consider this harassment, I won't fight you. I deserve whatever you wanna throw my way.

I will watch you succeed, and find happiness, and I won't be there.

And I will hurt. And that's going to be just fine. 

I will watch you find love again, and it won't be in me anymore.

And I will hurt. And that's going to be just fine.

I will live with my regrets. And that's okay.

I accept the consequences of my actions. 

I'm sorry I hurt you.

-Senpai, always.