Valentine's Day Blur

A story about a very stupid and short Valentine's Day.

So once upon a time a bunch of dumbasses began ruining the coronation of my friend King Steven? Why? It was Valentine's Day and we're jackasses who got paid to f**k around.
I don't know what's happening, I'm high as s**t off valentine's myself and about to go broke if I finally get a new car. And now I'm at a King's Coronation lighting their throne on fire! Hell yeah! And now I'm sitting on the king's flaming chair to look cooler than him.
Now I'm running to the lake so I don't f*****g die from the burns. I'm laughing as I run. I land in the lake. There's some guy and his girlfriend? Is he one of my friends? I don't f*****g know, kick him in the dick and steal his girl. There was a whirlpool and now her hero boyfriend is chasing after her. God, I'm so high. They drugged me but I don't care. I try to swim back to land but now I'm on a komodo dragonnnn. It grows wings and I'm flying through the air! Dieeee dragonnnn! I stab the dragon and we crash into the ground.
I awaken from my drugged up haze a broken man. Who was also just robbed. And they're screaming about an inheritance. I didn't even know I had money to give out a inheritance!!!
Welp, now I'm dead too fast to explain. Also I don't have a will. So now I'm dead and my family is fighting over the money for the car I had saved up. A shame. Truly a shame.
Also there's like some news reporter just screaming about what's happening with the channel 4 news. She's hot but now I'm mad it's on the news. S**t, now everyone knows I'm dead. F**k reality bros.