Shattered

One of the simplest reasons assault victims don't come forward is they fear this reaction. Please be warned, this could be extremely triggering for rape/sexual assault survivors.

It doesn't matter if we speak

Or it didn't matter for me

There was no evidence seen

That he screamed

When I refused to give the green--

Light--

Glaring so bright

Stings my eyes

I clench my teeth and thighs

My repulsed rage beginning to rise

He was supposed to be a good guy and--

I--

Saw he got married

And I wonder what she thinks she knows

About the no's,

I said no, three times no.

Did he tell her and call me a liar

A s**t

A hoe

That it was simply regretted desire--

That night--

I never said I might

But he silenced my voice

And ignored my choice.

He didn't hurt me much physically

So I guess I'm somewhat lucky

But I never said he could f**k me.

I deserved more

Than being used like a w***e

But I wore

The uniform,

Pants smooth and tight

Shirt too short--

To be decent--

The nurse allowed me

To pull out my own hair

And offered me pills for the pregnancy scare

Before they swabbed and scraped me

Down there

They bagged up my clothes that shamed me

That were used in my case to blame me

While I never again was the same me.

Eyes followed me--

Everywhere--

There was a man that stared

As I passed him on the street

I pretended not to care

But my stomach roiled inside me

And I couldn't bear

The pit of fear coiled

As he slowed beside me.

I began to panic when he stopped me

But all he wanted was directions,

And I froze, silent,

Just knowing he had an erection.

I fumbled for words,

Cursed,

Stumbled on the curb

Mumbled a reply with a slurred inflection.

He probably thought I was drunk--

Correction--

I wasn't sloshed that night

And I knew something wasn't right.

Before it was done,

I put up a fight.

In the end I fought for justice

With ruthlessness

And was met with doubt about

My truthfulness.

I wept at my naivety and cluelessness,

My foolishness

That I believed that f****r would rue this mess.

I tried to speak

But it didn't matter

During the act

Or what came after.

I came forward

I reported

And only my life shattered.

It didn't matter.

Author's Note

Not sure how to format the transitions or breaks besides the dashes.