Emma

I watched her there

Weeping but not broken

The crowd chanting

Mouths wide open

The image burned in my brain,

The stirring of hope when

Emma spoke then.

The beauty of youth

Marred by grief

Caused by a man

Who was a thief.

He stole lives

Shattered bones and teeth

Stole innocence with his evil beneath.

People thought she'd go back to her life

While many spouted government lies

But the day those children died

Others rose up and screamed a battle cry.

"Never again! Never again!"

They wept, not broken

The crowd chanting

Mouths wide open

And my heart leapt with hope when

Brave, strong Emma spoke then.

I've never seen what she saw that day

Felt only a fraction of that fear in a violent fray

I never had to sink to my knees and pray

That the terror would end, just go away.

How many men and women,

How many elderly, how many children?

What number of lives must it take?

How many more mistakes can we make

Then cover them up with sympathy faked

So greedy men's thirsts can be slaked?

"Never again! Never again!"

We weep, not broken,

Our voices rise

Mouths wide open

And we will never forget the truth

That brave young Emma spoke then.

Author's Note

I don't often do spoken word or rhyming, so I know there's a bit of awkwardness. Also, I know that this is a touchy subject, so please try and keep your reviews relevant to the actual writing.

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

The writing's fine, I feel comfortable objectively stating that most usually do far worse. Are you sure that's all you want to hear? That's no fun.

[Jaclyn]

Well, I figured it's a writing website, not a debate on the subject of gun control or unruly teenagers...but constructive criticism on the poem itself is always welcome.

[Davidgeo]

It's hard to detach the ideas from the content. Like I said before, there's really nothing wrong with it... you're a good writer. But if you don't want to talk about the ideas you put forth I can't really go much further than just saying.... "good job".

[Jaclyn]

Sure you can! Anything regarding, "hey, this part was a little awkward" or "I feel like there could be more rhyming in this particular area" or even "your imagery *here* was particularly interesting/weak/strong/vivid" etc is helpful and does not touch on the subject matter of the verse at all. I mean, I think I get where you're coming from, but I don't think my writing will get worse or better from people debating with me on my choice of people I admire or feel pride for, ya know?

[Davidgeo]

You missed my point entirely... again, there really isn't any technical aspects I would change. I'm not interested in giving you generic form suggestions just for the sake of leaving a comment, a large amount of people here already do that. More importantly than that, I think feedback should also be about improving your intellectual approach and discussing evolving ideas/concepts. Writing is this easy part... thinking coherently, logically, and originally throughout is generally the hardest part. If you are not looking to be challenged in that regard I can understand it, but I can't respect it. It's the sign of weak mind in my opinion. Have a nice day, we don't need to speak any further.