Cold Snap

Flash fiction of two hundred and eighty two words, written and edited over forty three minutes, about a time when counting the little things we did together meant the most to me.

The year I learned to fold space into a bridge, you decided to stay. You stayed put, but your laugh left long ago. It left me with few options.

I hadn’t told anyone of my discovery. I felt like a 19^th century capitalist, capitalizing on my monopolized method of self-enjoyment, my very own self-operated oligarchy over space. I never used it to steal or to malign others. I would however, find times throughout the day to pop into your house and tidy things up for you. I’d take out the trash, or make your bed. I’d bake you a sheet of vegan brownies all warm and ready for you to come home, laughing all the while as I pictured your surprise and wonderment. Especially when I’d leave the hot tray in your bathtub, or in a drawer of your desk for you to find.  

At first you did nothing. Then you left notes out, telling whoever was breaking into your house to stop, that it was illegal to” break and enter.” I never broke a thing. You had done that enough already.

By the end of summer, you were bringing in security consultants. You’d install new security systems every week, but I could always get past them. The day you finally put up cameras in your own house, I figured I’d just find the disks and erase them, replace them in the drive trays with fresh cookies. It was while watching the cold grey monitor show the meticulously recorded hours since the cameras were installed that morning that I realized why I had yet to be spotted, even by your neighbors; even when I had mowed your lawn or trimmed your hedge.

Author's Note

Rip it to shreds, fellows!

Reviews

[Marie Anzalone]

That first paragraph is sublime. The rest that follows reads like a mystery, one that leaves the reader gasping at the end. Very well done.

[LOfCharlemagne]

What an excellent amount of detail you have added in explaining his emotion. It made me fully understand how your protagonist is feeling. Your use of the 19th century entrepreneur/capitalist simile was spot on perfect. This story has excellent form, although i do suggest making the introduction a little bit stronger. It feels kind of confusing. I would work on making the first sentence explain what your story is all about. It really is one of the only things i could think of that would improve the story and how it flows. Your use of imagery "Cold grey monitor" also really helps me(the reader) understand how the tone of the story is changed, bravo to you! Overall just an excellent and well written piece.