The Dimming of a Chandelier

This is a poem I wrote to share my experience with coercion and sexual assault. It's meant to show my feelings of victim blaming and shame, and the way my experience changed me.

I see that girl every day.

She wears the biggest smile.

She greets the flowers,

The morning air.

She's blasting her favorite song,

Fixing her perfect hair.

She's walking on the sidewalk,

All her clothes so bright.

Just walking with a skip in her step,

She's such a lovely sight.

She truly is the only one here.

This girl is a chandelier hanging from some rope.

A beautiful -fragile- display.

She lights up the room every single day.

She was  stuck inside her head,

wandering about the streets,

Today was the day he cut her last thread.

We all watched this beautifully-breath taking chandelier

Shatter at our feet.

What happens to someone when they run out of fight?

What happens to a chandelier when it runs out of light?

You can try and fit the pieces, but it will never be the same.

There is nothing okay about what he did.

He took away her beauty- 

he stood there,

watching her fall.

Now she's stuck, 

unable to move from the floor. 

What was all of this for?

I know what she was thinking.

"Maybe if I just do what he wants, he'll be mine."

"if I just listen to the power he's using with his hands..."

"Maybe it'll all be fine."

But he ends up like the others.

He said she wasn't enough ?

If doing what he wanted- isn't what he wanted,

Then why is she even here?

She didn’t say no, so I guess that means yes?

How can something be your fault if you didn’t want it to happen?

But it has to be her fault, 

Who else is to blame?

Sure he cut her away

But she's the one that gave him the blade.

How could it not be her fault?

Others say she's wrong,

That somehow the experience has made her strong.

But if it 'wasn't her fault',

Why is she here?

Why can't she pick herself up and move on?

If she thought obeying him would make him stay-

Why should she be grateful that he is gone?

Why did he do this?

And then why did he leave?

He could've just stayed her friend,

Why did he make her bend,

Until she broke? She is shattered.

what the hell was all of this for?

If either way she ends up back on the floor, 

At least one of the ways she wouldn't have cuts on her leg,

for every goddamn time she thought of his bed.

At least she wouldn't look at the scars on her thigh,

Every goddamn time she thinks of this guy. 

At least she wouldn't have to question why they always do this. 

What makes men decide she's nothing more than something useless?

Why would he do this?

Why would he cut her down,

Just to watch her bright light dim?

If she's so numb to the pain,

then why does it still kill her inside?

She just wants to feel again.

We watched her pour the poison into her blood. 

Each drop taking a little bit more of herself.

She thought it would heal the sore.

She just wanted shine once more.

I wish I still saw that girl.

Looking in the mirror,

I wish I could still see her looking back at me.

But I don’t want her to see me now.

I want to be her again.

I want that innocent smile.

I want to sing without a care in the world- 

I want to be seen.

I want to feel again.

But she would be so disappointed in who I am. 

If his goal was to dim my light,

I guess.. I guess that means he won right?

If the only time my light still shines is through pixels on a screen,

A frozen moment. Moments before I was frozen,

What was all of this for?

I still walk on that sidewalk.

I listen to a different song,

My headphones blocking out the world.

I drag my feet- I have no motivation to get where I'm going.

Like a leaf in the wind, I'm simply blowing. 

I ignore the wilted flowers,

Somehow the air's turned sour.

I still see that girl.

Her memory is always near,

But now I realize,

I truly am the only one here.

Author's Note

please ignore issues with punctuation. what are your thoughts on the flow of the poem and the overall understanding?

Reviews

[mattavelli]

Hello! :)
I like the chandelier metaphor and how you used it, as well as the girl walking on the sidewalk. Overall, I feel it drags just a bit in the middle. The story reads like she’s upset that he abused her, and she’s upset that he left; which is an odd combination.