To Reach Tomorrow (The reply to Keep Living, Jack)

The reply to Keep Living, Jack.

To Sarah,

I found out too late.

I went to the hospital where you were admitted but I could not see you.

You were already gone.

I received the letter a few days after and wanted to be there, to tell you everything, to express all the things left unsaid. And here I am, writing this reply even though I know you can’t read it. But, I need to do this.

I regret ever telling you to not write. You were right, I said it in anger and frustration. If I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I never meant to push you away like I did, I was full of fury and mad at the world. I didn’t want our love to end, even if I stated otherwise at the time. I was too stubborn to admit it.

I missed your kisses’ caress when I would come home from work. I missed your laughter filling our home. I missed that face you would make when we made a mess cooking. I missed waking up in the middle of the night and leaning over to see you lying there asleep.

And of course I remember the rose petals. I worked hard on that idea, you know. I never wanted the spark that brought us together to fade out, so I came up with things like that. I knew you loved it, despite being surprised when I yanked you into the tub, and I enjoyed every second it lasted.

As for our relationship falling to pieces, there was nothing we could have done at the time. It was a rough period. My father had died, we tried unsuccessfully to have children and we were losing the very thing that bound us together. I should have called you, I should have visited you, I should have.

I am haunted by those words. Those and that I was too late.

I loved you, more than I ever had the chance to tell you and more than I ever let on. You were the most beautiful woman, inside and out, that I ever knew. You were the hand that raised me up from the ground when I would fall. You were my inspiration would I had none. Most of all, you were the woman I loved.

I missed you so very much after we separated. I should have given it time and contacted you but I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me anymore, afraid that you would tell me to leave you alone.

I am so sorry.

Reading this now, after you’re gone, it’s like you are calling me from heaven. I shall forever hold the thoughts on this paper in my heart. I know that you will be close, that you will be watching over me. I’ll just close my eyes and bring back yesterdays.

Awaiting the day I see you again,
                Jack.

Reviews

[D Connolly]

The regret of things unsaid, or said when we wished we hadn't.... that's heavy. In a really weird way, I think it's easier when the person you've harmed is gone... that way we can pretend that everything is alright now and we're forgiven... I don't know. I hope so. I've got some people that I like to believe forgave me once they made it to the afterlife. The living hold grudges, is what I mean, and the dead, well, they're free to love us the way they did in the beginning.

[Jack Necron (Aubrey Jack Peaslee)]

That it is and I seem to write about the "what ifs" in life fairly often, likely due to my own experiences. I agree with that perspective, it's better to try to bury the hatchet than to leave things bitter or burn bridges. Some people don't accept that however and hold on to their anger. Thank you for reading, it's much appreciated.