Police Report

WESTERN DISTRICT, NORTHERN KINGDOM

REPORT

On 02/02/1446 (SR) at approximately 1835 I was employed as a sworn Police Officer with the Western Judicial District.  On the listed date and time, I was working undercover, riding an unmarked patrol horse (#14, MIssy), and assigned to the Currency Control Bureau.

At said time I received a messenger pigeon from Central Dispatch directing me to investigate ongoing racketeering at [REDACTED] in Brea.

"You misspelled 'Bree'.  No 'a'"

Bree.  As I was already in [REDACTED] having a be...

"Don't write that."

... root beer with my partner, Det. H. Evan-Thomas (Badge No. 10), I was able to directly observe a transaction wherein One (1) pony was purchased for the amount of Twelve (12) Silver Pennies.  I consulted my Consumer Price Index for Second Quarter 1446 (SR) / Northern Kingdom and determined that the price for a pony was ...

"How much are those things going for?"

"Ah, hang on, let me look it up ...'used/standard' would be one penny."

... One (1) Silver Penny, twelve times the Fair Market Value.  From my experience in working Currency Control I knew this hyperinflation was due to a stolen dragon horde of gold, silver and precious jewels being dumped into the local economy.  See Crime Report 10203 filed by Xerzes, Dragon, dated 1/12/1446 (SR). I was aware from briefings that prices for food staples including bread, beef, beer and wine had spiked tenfold in the last week and despite abundant supplies, local residents were starving as said supplies were being exported to out-of-kingdom markets.

"Don't write what we didn't pay for our free beers."

I displayed my ashen wand of authority* immediately arrested the following pony sellers:

Suspect 1 (S1), a Man who gave his name as John Doe.  

S2, John Roe, Wizard.  

S3, Shi'Thead O'Connor, dwarf.

S4, Bitemecopper of the Shire, hobbit.

These names are believed to be false.

I recovered and booked into evidence the following:

From S1 Man, a sword, broken or altered to less than the legal minimum length.

From S2 Wizard, a wooden club inscribed with the words "PROPERTY OF THE HOGWARTS ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT", reported stolen 1/2/1646 (SR).

From S4 Hobbit, two (2) pounds of a controlled narcotic, street name "pipeweed."

Ten (10) ponies, used/standard, description attached separately.

From each Suspect, the equivalent of approximately ten million (10,000,000) ...

"Make that nine million."

... nine million (9,000,000) Silver Pennies in equivalent gold bullion.  

For report on the raid on Suspects' hideout and seizure of the dragon horde, see Report of Det. Beatty, D.

End of Statement.

Based on the Beatty report and the above, I placed S1 Man under arrest for PC 293A (illegal sword); S2 Wizard for PC 563 (possession of stolen property), S4 Hobbit for PC 1456 (possession of controlled substance with intent to sell).  All suspects were arrested for PC 2945B (violation of currency control law), PC 23278 (operating Racketeering and Corrupt Organization) and PC 566 (theft of horde).  I transported them back to the station for pre-booking procedures.

This report will be forwarded to the Crown Attorney for the Western District, Northern Kingdom for prosecution.

Prepared by 2042 Fisher, J.

  

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* Not what you're thinking, you perverts.