First Daily Thoughts

I hope you can enjoy my mind.

So it's just a typical day. Wake up grumbling, extra layer of spray for Lansdowe(what I named my mohawk.), pull on pants and a shirt, and walk out the door. Walk to the bus stop, drink my coffee, and sing like an idiot in the dark. Alone. AND I FRIGGIN' LOVE IT!!

 

All my life i've been the odd kid. I'm short, stubborn, and weak. Mix all that together and you either get the nastiest attitude on the planet or a coward. I will leave you to decided which of the two I am.

 

It's my dream to be a singer, to have my voice drown out the all too common idiocy of society. People don't quite realize how stupid they are, always rushing around, always looking for the next big thing. Pointless.

 

If America was smart, they'd follow the Napoleonic plan. Just don't attack Russia. Hitler and Napoleon made that mistake.

 

Then the bus pulls up, i get on, and trudge straight to the back. As we pick up more and more people, more and more people glare, their eyes glistening with anger and discontent. Whether it's at me or they just have a c**k in their a*s, I'm not sure. I'd be mad if I had male genitals in my bum.

 

It's about this time when I start brewing on why I hate them so much. Everyone in my school is either a wanna-be G or a redneck. Both always wanna fight, both always brag about how high they got last night(AHA that rhymed). I personally have a love/hate relationship with drugs. If you do drugs because you're depressed, f**k you, It only makes it worse. If you do drugs because you're druggie buddies do them, f**k you, you're an idiot. If you do drugs because you simply enjoy it, we should trip sometime and make memories I won't remember. Drugs good. Drugs and idiots bad. Very simple equation, I promise.

 

Somewhere between fueling the fire inside of me and day dreaming, Alex crawls onto the bus and plops down next to me. He's a short b*****d, like me, and is either depressed or hyper. You know, you're typical bi-polar emo-in-denial kinda kid. Annoys the living piss out of me, but we can relate alot and I pity the poor b*****d. He has hte potiental to be extremely intelligent, but wastes his energy on trying to impress people or earn respect. Not too sure which one.

 

When Alex is depressed, I wanna hit him. When he's hyper, I wanna slaughter him. The boy drinks more than anyone I know (breaking my record of 23 shots at 97 pounds.) But he does it more for attention than to say "hm, I like this feeling." I remember one time, on the way home, he wouldn't shut the hell up. Some random horseshit, mindless babble. So I told him to shut the f**k up. He laughed nervously and asked if he really annoy my that much. I nodded. He proceeded to pout and ignore me for the week. oppsie. One day he asked if we were still cool and I said yes.

 

"But I annoy you." he said.

"So do half the women in this school, but that doesn't mean they aren't hot." and I just walked off. God, I hope he doesn't think I think he's hot. I don't bend that way.

 

By now, we're at school and trying to find something to do. We used to hang with Dalton, but that big oaf left. He was cool; one of approximately five or six people I could stand. Maybe more, probably less.

 

It sucks being smart. I have a list as to why:

1. You usually don't think you're as smart as you actually are or think you're smarter than you actually are(I probably suffer from the latter.)

2.You're probably a sarcastic a*****e who everyone hates.

3. You're more than likely depressed because you know how much the world sucks, know how to change it, but also know the third estate is too stupid to listen.

4.When you're intelligent, love suckkkkssss. Try finding a hot, smart girl that isn't taken or egotistical.

 

That's pretty much the first two hours of my day.

Author's Note

review please, i wanna grow with my writing.

Reviews

[RM Americano]

You had a couple of typos that MS Word should catch.

I think the parts you put in parantheses could just be deleted, they only sound childish.

But then again, you're only 16. If you goal is to write and sound like a 16 year old, keep doing what you're doing.

If your goal is to grow into a master of your art, part of it will come with age and the rest of it will come with adjusting your voice. By voice I mean the language you use and the speed of the piece. I'll use this paragraph as an example:

"When Alex is depressed, I wanna hit him. When he's hyper, I wanna slaughter him. The boy drinks more than anyone I know (breaking my record of 23 shots at 97 pounds.) But he does it more for attention than to say "hm, I like this feeling." I remember one time, on the way home, he wouldn't shut the hell up. Some random horseshit, mindless babble. So I told him to shut the f**k up. He laughed nervously and asked if he really annoy my that much. I nodded. He proceeded to pout and ignore me for the week. oppsie. One day he asked if we were still cool and I said yes."

When you refer to the other kid as "the boy," you lose a bit of authenticity because people don't really talk like that. Old people call young men boys, but young men don't call other young men boys. You could say "kid" or "guy" or even find something else to work there.

23 shots at 97 pounds is a lot of drinking. What I'm more interested in than knowing this record that he broke is how you feel about being so dimunitive. Is it your goal to bulk up? Or would you rather be that size because it takes so much alcohol to get your narrator fucked up that if he grew any more he'd go broke?

Then the bit about random horseshit and mindless babble. Your protagonist is trying to sound as though he is above the mundage use of every day cliches, but he uses them to describe things that disgust him. Is that supposed to be ironic? Or you have not taken that into account. You should clarify. Either the narrator is a poser and he betrays his true nature with his rants, or he is authentic and needs to avoid using borrowed phrases (cliches).

Let me know if this is the kind of feedback you want, I can go over more with you.