My Beautiful S

For a special person

You are so beautiful when you are clothed

And even more so when you are disrobed

Whether morning, noon, or night

You will always be my shining light

When we touch, it gives me such a thrill

Your love, I’ll never get my fill

Being next to you takes my breath away

A place I will always wish to stay

When our bodies start to touch

I want to kiss and hold you so much

The taste of your lips are so sweet

It makes me feel so complete

I want to take it nice and slow

But with our desire, its go, go, go

Our clothes in a heap

Down around both our feet

I grab and twist

While we kiss

You ache and moan

Glad you are not alone

As we continue our embrace

You have the look of joy on your face

This night will last forever

Will we stop, you say never

My love for you just seems to grow

How much I wish I could show

As we cuddle

In a puddle

We are more in love with each other

As I can now call you my lover

As we start to doze away

There is one more thing I want to say

I know you love me so please agree

Will you marry me?

Reviews

[Adreamer's Bluejay]

I feel like you did a good job of adding your voice and personality into this piece, but the flow of it felt a little off - perhaps it was the emphasis you put on your rhymes vs whatever it was you wanted to really say or describe about your time with this person you love so much. Also I like that this had a direct audience and theme and it really made me feel included in the moment you are sharing or dreaming of (sorry, I get in trouble a lot for assuming what is accurate and what is not in a person's work).

Nicely penned. I look forward to seeing more of your work/

[JSAECH]

I appreciate your feedback. I do get hung up occasionally looking for the rhyme. I am glad you felt included. I want people to feel the love that I feel. Thanks again.