At the Bottom of it All

A Story by John Ryan

In a Bar.

Alone.

Drinking cheap whiskey in some Godforsaken Condemned Bar in the backwoods of no where.

Alone.

In a Filthy suit with 5 o`clock shadow at 10 o`clock at night.

Trying to get drunk again to get the images out of my head.

Another homicide

bullet shells

smell of old blood

and the sights

Oh the sights

of another poor soul lost in the toxic stream of Filth and vice that makes this awful world go round

and round

and round.

And yet here I sit.

In a Bar

drinking cheap whiskey

thick puffs of smoke from the days last cigarette rising

higher

and higher

making the room slowly fade away into a clear vat of nothingness.

A whole World in slow motion.

A valley with trains that shriek echoes

like souls on hooks.

Or a Canyon of Death with cows thriving before the Slaughter

And yet here I am

a savior if you could bear to call me one

sitting

Alone

in a Bar

with the task of

Find them

again

and again.

Cold steel bites my skin

Face in hands

fingers running through greasy sweaty hair slicked back.

Bawling like a Baby

because

I`m not good enough at my Life`s choice

Calling

to stop the unnatural process of Life

that took my Daughter

And now my Wife.
And the worst part is

At the Bottom of it all,

the Punchline,

the grand finale,
the climax,

is
The person who I really am looking for

But cant seem to find

is me.

© 2014 John Ryan

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I had this happen to me long long time ago in a bar, I wasn't alone ,but just went 3 weeks alcohol free. I said I was done I didn't want to go had friends wanted to get me out, come to find out they said they wouldn't allow me to drink,well I did! I was doing ok and after 1 hour all slowed down as you put voice by voice was all I heard , I lost it. I took my 4 drinks less than 10 minutes and said ill be outside waiting. Needless to say I am no longer friends with those people.