At the Bottom of it All

In a Bar.

Alone.

Drinking cheap whiskey in some Godforsaken Condemned Bar in the backwoods of no where.

Alone.

In a Filthy suit with 5 o`clock shadow at 10 o`clock at night.

Trying to get drunk again to get the images out of my head.

Another homicide 

bullet shells 

smell of old blood 

and the sights 

Oh the sights

of another poor soul lost in the toxic stream of Filth and vice that makes this awful world go round

and round

and round.

And yet here I sit.

In a Bar

drinking cheap whiskey

thick puffs of smoke from the days last cigarette rising

higher

and higher 

and higher

making the room slowly fade away into a clear vat of nothingness.

A whole World in slow motion.

A valley with trains that shriek echoes

like souls on hooks.

Or a Canyon of Death with cows thriving before the Slaughter

And yet here I am

a savior if you could bear to call me one

sitting

Alone

in a Bar

with the task of 

Find them

again

again

and again.

Cold steel bites my skin

Face in hands

fingers running through greasy sweaty hair slicked back.

Bawling like a Baby

because

I`m not good enough at my Life`s choice

Calling

to stop the unnatural process of Life

that took my Daughter

And now my Wife.
And the worst part is

At the Bottom of it all,

the Punchline,

the grand finale,
the climax,

is
The person who I really am looking for

But cant seem to find

is me. 

Reviews

[00000000000000000000000..]

I had this happen to me long long time ago in a bar, I wasn't alone ,but just went 3 weeks alcohol free. I said I was done I didn't want to go had friends wanted to get me out, come to find out they said they wouldn't allow me to drink,well I did! I was doing ok and after 1 hour all slowed down as you put voice by voice was all I heard , I lost it. I took my 4 drinks less than 10 minutes and said ill be outside waiting. Needless to say I am no longer friends with those people.

[C. Rose]

A very sobering piece.
Makes the reader slow down and digest his suffering.
Well done.

[Susan Beth Horvath]

This is very nicely penned chock full of emotion and heart.. I can relate well to these words.

[Dandelion]

Nicely written. It is full of pain and depression which is very strong. Good job!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

Striking of a read here...when the bow breaks...type of feel...it resonates in pitch in its entirety...the wholeness is present...like the reader gets a birds eye view of the situation...yet the real question is finding oneself...while fixing the mess of others...relieves the pain...but never puts peace of mind in the person...really suffering...

[SCWareham]

Hey John,

Nicely done. I enjoyed the style; kind of like Dashiell Hammett meets Dante or Milton...or something like that. As I see it, it's a piece formed purely from emotion, and that gives it an edge.

Thanks for sharing. Be well, hope to chat soon...

[John Ryan]

Glad you liked it
I've always like Dante's divine comedy

[nickdaman6]

What I really like about this piece is it brings the imagery of what it's like to serve as a soldier or a cop. This is what they really have to deal with almost every day. It's not glorified or honored, but quite the opposite. It's bloody, hurting, and at the end of the day you lose yourself a bit more. Good job man, really good job!

[John Ryan]

Thank you very much!!!

[Dannyisawriter]

Very powerful emotions! And I really liked what you did with the ending.

[Jack Wolfe]

Hey, John, thought I'd take a look, and since it was short I stuck around. The painful emotional monologue going on here is easy to relate to, the problem is it's more a poetic verse without the metaphors . . . there is a story here, and it is very rich in emotional undertone, but its hard for me to review this as a story . . . I suppose it meets the criteria, but there's no character, no plot, no overall depth.

It was an enjoyable read, don't get me wrong, I liked it, I'm just not sure how to judge it. Is it a story? A poem? A monologue? A Memoir? If written from a story stand point, I could go in depth, about grammar, style, fluency; as a poem, then format, the only way I can really rate this is on if I found it enjoyable (which considering the context . . .). I did enjoy it, and its an interesting style, and there's also the chance that I'm stuck in the old ways. I'll have a look at those other piece when I get a chance (assuming you still want me to) and go from there.

Thanks for the read, John, and I hope this doesn't come off as an attack, not my intention.

Jack Wolfe

[John Ryan]

Thank you for review,
I guess i should maybe give an explanation as to the way that i write.read moreThank you for review,
I guess i should maybe give an explanation as to the way that i write.

Ive always been inspired by writers like Earnest Hemingway, i always try to say a lot without necessarily writing a lot.
I essentially try to write stories or poems that lets the reader build the story or fills in details of the writing,
this, to me, opens for interoperation rather than one meaning thats being forced in front of another.

Thank you

[Sami Khalil]

"sitting
Alone
in a Bar
with the task of
Find them
again
again
and again.

Cold steel bites my skin
Face in hands
fingers running through greasy sweaty hair slicked back."