Secret Service

 

SECRETS

 

Ah yes, I was in espionage y’know. Had a hard war if truth was known, but of course, I can’t talk about it. 

 

Lysanders, yes, I’ve been in more Lysanders – what! It’s a ’plane. Don’t they teach you anything? - than you’ve had hot dinners lad. Never mind your pressurised air-conditioned Boeings. We spies had to rough it. And I mean rough. Landing in meadows with a crowd of frog peasants holding torches. Never knew where we were landing ’til we got there. Even the pilot, I used to think sometimes. Just a six figure map ref., that’s all. 

 

Sealed lips, that’s what we had, Oh yes and fluent French and German ‘ich spretche Dootsh’ an’ ‘Donny moi un grenool ’ an’ all that. I tell you, I fought a war I did. ’Course, soul of discretion I am. I could tell you things that’d make your hair curl. Why, that Pierre le Plonque, y’know, he’s in the French cabinet now. He was a collaborator. Don’t tell anyone I told you. Churchill, well he made ’is fortune. Y’know that Austrian gold they found in a lake. I was there when it was lifted out. Just don’t ask me where the last truckload went – nudge, nudge!

 

It was a real thrill. Every minute could have been your last in Intelligence, believe me. You never knew the moment when the Gestapo would come knocking at your door. It all depended on your cover. Keeping mum was the thing, I mean you told nobody nuthin’. Mind you, I’ve always maintained that. Y’never need be afraid I’ll give anything away. No sir, I’m British Intelligence trained. Anonymity is everything as I said to my colleague in 1943 just before he was picked up by the Quislings in Oslo. Fred Dunwoody was his name. I remember ’cos I’d just introduced him to this nice Norwegian bloke in a bar. Never forget it, I mean ‘Dunwoody’. The Norwegian thought it was a queer name - I could tell by the smirk.

 

Y’know the Hoo-Hah over the memoirs of that Lord Beaubrum of Gobby that went to Australia? Now there’s a bloke you couldn’t trust. He’d have sold his own grandmother if truth were known. Fancy mouthing off about your experiences and letting all those things out of the bag. I mean! He was no good as an operative in the field either. He was ordered to find out the date of a big German offensive in Belgium and never got a dickie bird.  I took the straightforward approach. I just asked a frog. Well, he gave me the date and asked if I thought we could stop it. Of course, said I. We’ve got 15 divisions just waiting for them. He gave me the right date and there we were. We’d have annihilated them if they’d appeared where we expected them. Unfortunately, they took a completely different route. Still, I’d done my bit.

 

By the way I know you’ll say nothing but of course, Mum’s the word. Still under the Act of course.

 

His listener quietly strolled into a nearby building, picked up a phone and arranged a quick assassination. Secret, of course.

 

Author's Note

Not serious, just for fun

Reviews

[Ron B]

Wow. Very well written and the ending is brilliant.