Behind The Mask.

I heard her whisper in my ear in the dark night while i was pretending to sleep. I had a feeling and kind of knew that something wasn't right when she'd softly says how sorry she was and how bad she felt. I was confused and wondering what was she sorry about? that thought just kept on haunting my brain. My dreams were haunted by a dark-haired man, but his face was hidden.

In the dream, she would hold him in her arms while they stood upon a high cliff, overlooking a beautiful valley. They kissed under the stars in the moonlight. I’d wake up with a start, and tell him that I thought he might be cheating on me. this only angered him, and so I tried to let it go.

Her sister had a boyfriend, he had a long dark hair, and was kind of thin. Something about him made me uneasy, and remembering my dream made it really worse, i knew on that moment that I didn't want to be around him, and so I stayed away as they all spent time together.

A few months after seeing them spend time together, my mom offered to my girlfriend and I on a vacation. The 

only thing stopping us was our pet puppy that needed to be cared for. My girlfriend suggested that her sisters boyfriend would watch it and take care of it, and on top of that, he would do it for free. Something in me didn’t like the idea, but I always had trouble saying no to something that is free. I now know that free is never really free.

While we were on vacation, my girlfriend seemed rather cold and distant. Sometimes she was downright cold, and all she wanted to do was stay in the hotel room and drink. She also spent a lot of time on the phone, but wouldn’t tell me who she was speaking to. I spent the days with my mom, going on long walks by the beach, thinking about my girlfriend and  my heart felt heavy as I wondered what was going on in my girlfriends mind, what was she up to?.

After arriving home, I began to make some ravioli with chicken. My girlfriend was outside on the gardens chair with her sister. When she came back in I began to prepare a plate for her food, but she looked at me in a way I had never seen before. I thought maybe she was disappointed in what I had made for dinner. My heart fell to the floor as she asked me to come in and sit down on the sofa in the living room.

I didn’t want to sit down. The fight or flight response activated through my whole body as I wondered what she was going to say. Somewhere in me knew that my life was about to drastically change. Then came the words I never wanted to hear. “I’m so sorry, but I’ve been cheating on you,” he said. Suddenly instead of tears, a numbness came over me as she began to explain more and tell her side of the story.

Not only had she been cheating on me, but I came to find out that it was with her sisters boyfriend, and that 

it had taken place in our own house. While I was busting my a*s at work, she’d been gallivanting throughout the 

house with her lover. “But I still love you,” she said, “and I promise I won’t see him ever again. Please don’t 

leave me!”

I stormed out of the house and went to visit a few people that I worked with, the only friends I had. They basically gave me an eye-roll when I told them. 

“We knew she was cheating on you,” they said. I didn’t need to hear that at the moment, for what I really craved was just a compassionate person to talk to. I felt so alone.

A burning feeling raged through me as I went back home to deal with my new reality. I could barely look at her,

I was so full of disgust. I began to drill her with questions, wanting to know every detail, which she grudgingly gave. The more I learned, the more furious I became. All I could see was red and wanted some kind of revenge. 

How could I stay with a person who had stomped on my very heart and soul? Looking around my house at our puppy, and even at my furniture, I didn’t know how I was going to give it all up. I chose to stay, and that began a cycle of deterioration within my entire being.

She said that if I married her, she promised to never cheat on me again. Red lights of caution filled my mind with an utter cry of knowing it was a bad idea. Somehow, at the same time, I wanted to win her over. I agreed and thought that maybe we could put this mess behind us.

The day of the wedding came sooner than I hoped for, but nevertheless, I was determined to keep the woman who claimed she loved me. As I walked down the aisle, adorned in black and white, I wondered if onlookers mocked me for wearing a color that did not define me. Blocking out the red flags of dread, I continued on with the wedding.

As the ceremony came closer to an end, a loud voice cried out that the wedding must stop. Looking behind me. 

in shock, I watched her lover approach us with fire in her eyes. He slapped her across the face and announced in front of God, and all of the guests, that we couldn’t get married because he knew that she was pregnant with his child. 

Everything in me felt like it would not be contained. I felt like I was going to vomit all of the crowd.

I ran from the room, tears welling up in my eyes. Never had I been so embarrassed in my entire life. 

To be humiliated in front of family and friends on the day that was supposed to be a celebration of her and I, 

only to be ruined by deceit.

I cried for what seemed like a thousand years. No one could console me, and so they stopped trying. 

I began to throw out all of her belongings into the yard, not caring what the neighbors might be thinking.

Sanding alone in the front window, I saw my now, ex-girlfriend/ex-fiancé drive up with the man with the long 

dark hair. The desire to make a scene in the street, and tell them both what I thought of them rushed through me,  but instead, I remained silent.

Every piece of my heart chipped into unrecognizable fragments of despair. Would I ever love again? Could I ever  have the same trust with anyone again? What was life without her? So many hopes and dreams shattered into nothingness. All that remained, being my broken heart. I went to my bed and collapsed onto what I knew to be an area of her betrayal.

I knew from that day forward that I would never trust anyone in the same way again.

I would never expose my true feelings, or lay my heart out on a platter for someone to possibly devour. The me that died that day dropped into a distant file within my mind. Nothing has ever been the same since, and I live in absolute seclusion. There is no happy ending to this story, so I hope that is not what you were waiting to hear.

For all of the years together, never thought that you're true face was behind a mask.