Never Ending LoveA Story by Joey Nizz First time writing this kind of writing, give me your thoughts. August 8, 2010. She asked me to be her boyfriend after a a couple of weeks of seeing each other, I remember that day like it was an hour ago. I was only 29 at the time and was about to get a promotion when I get back from my leave from work, Crystal was my first true love and my only. We met at a club that I happened to be in because I was showing these 2 new colleagues around town and they asked me if they can go to a club and I took them to the Z club that over looks the sea side. We were enjoying the music the drinks and as usual I always kept to myself until they asked me to go checkout the dance floor and I was like hey what the heck I'm on leave, as we were all dancing, JD and Nigel were dancing with these two girls so I was like okay I guess I'll go back to the table for a while, and I bumped into this girl and she asked me to dance and I was like okay lets do it, we danced the night away and she asked me if we can get out of here ad we did, she took em to a restaurant were they had Shisha (Hooka) and we ate and she smoked (I wasn't a smoker back then) and after a while we left, I took her to her place and she asked me to come up for some desert and I did, she offered me some mini cakes and I ate them and she asked me to spend the night in her place since it was so late in the night. we sat and had a couple of drinks and we went inside of the bed room and made sweet everlasting love for many hours. We both fell asleep and I woke up very early in the morning (barely slept) and I noticed that the girl I was with is not here or anywhere in the apartment and had no way no communicate with her since we just met last night, I waited for 2 hours and decided to leave, maybe she went to work or something, I left her a note on her bed saying (Thank you for the night, I have enjoyed my time with you last night and I hope to see you again) and left my number also. She messages me the same day after a couple of hours asking where I was and why did I leave, I went back to see her after I got some more rest at home, we hangout at a coffee shop that became our main chill out spot and we have been together always ever since. Crystal was an amazing person. One of the smartest and most kind hearted. She had a well rounded personality which made her all easier to love. Her smile just glows and and radiates happiness and could light up everyones day. She was also a strong person who always gave her heart and mind to anything she sets out for. In addition, Crystal had a charming and cute face and an outstanding body. Her beautiful black colored iris matched her perfectly shining pitch black hair. She was every-mans dream girl. Till this day, I haven't had a single clue why she decided to stay with me in the first place, I wasn't good looking and never had a body of an athletic swimmer. being rather kind of chubby, I wasn't sure how I came to look in her eyes, but maybe just maybe, this is probably due to my fully developed mind set and personality. Through out my life my looks never made me stand out too much through the crowd. Crystal and I have always had a strong connection. We knew each others feelings before it was said. She knew me inside out and I confine in her even more than my best friends. She was very easy to trust and never broke that trust. I have admit that when I was younger, I had fantasies of being in a perfect relationship. I dream that one day, I would become a charming prince to a beautiful princess. Crystal was a very deep person, and was always haunted by the bad things that has happened in her past. Everything she said had a story and sometimes meanings and lessons from it. I remember the first gift I gave her on her birthday which was 8 days after we first met, I go her a platinum diamond set of jewelry in a black velvet cloth box. and that box was not just any ordinary box, I told her that whenever I wasn't there, I should just open the box and say everything thats on her mind into it and he would be able to hear it. The gist made her feel special and kept it ever since. Crystal had a whole crown of guys surrounding her whenever she was. She attracted them faster than she could get rid of them. I knew that her heart was mine and had no fear of losing that. That was until the year 2013. That was the year that my life turned from being the best to upside down. I had never experienced pain like I did that year. August 8, 2013, it was a beautiful day outside. I remember every little detail as if it was tattooed into my brain. That day, I had worn my jeans short and black polo shirt and walked into this coffee shop Crystal has told me where to meet her. it was 7 minutes to 9 o'clock and it wasn't even cold outside. Every time I saw her my hearty skipped a beat. There she was in her beautiful dress, no matter how cold or hot the weather. She was simply standing there but I knew something was wrong. The expression on her face worried me. When I reached her, she gave me a very quick and urgent kiss. Then she said four words I never hoped to hear. "We need to talk". she said it in a serious face. My heart trembling like crazy I started to shake. I was scared and terrified of what she would say to me. "um okay.. whats wrong?" I said it with a shaky voice, she took my hand an led me outside. We sat down on a bench and she looked me straight in the eye. I didn't dare to look back, as just afraid of what I would see. So I merely looked straight to the opposite side. "Chris says", I have something to tell you... you might be upset with me but let me finish what i have to say before you come to any conclusion. Lat week, at a friends hangout, I met this guy and his name was Nick. I took a deep breath and all I could do was just cry silently. "After the party, I got to know him better and I am in love with him. I know this is unfair to you but hey, sometimes we cant control somethings in life. I finally gathered my strength to look her in the eyes, I put on a fake smile and asked her, "Are you happy with her"? "What a dumb a*s question" I thought to myself. However, that was all my brain could come out with from the shock. "Yes I am" she replied. "Its not that being with you doesn't make me happy or anything but when I'm with Nick, its like its a whole different world. Do you know what I mean? "Yes... I do.." I said it with a heavy heart. "I understand". On the outside, I was happy and smiling even. But on the inside, I was hurting.. When she said those word, it felt as if she took my heart and shattered it into pieces right in front of me. With each word, the pain felt like a thousand knives stabbing at the remnant of my heart. "Promise me something okay?" "Chris.. I cant..." "Please? It would make me happy and that is my final wish before we go our separate ways.." "Okay then.. You will always be my friend. Goodbye, She gave me a brief kiss on the cheek and walked away... I sat on the bench, my heart heavier than a crane lifting bricks and my eyes swollen with tears. The world as I had known it has ceased to exist. I will never again know what it is like to laugh with my childish abandon because my childhood is behind me. Pain and sorrow will be my constant companions now and that the love of my life is gone now. I raised my eyes to watch her walk away forever into the crimson sunset. I don't know how long I sat there. It could have been hours, or maybe just minutes. I was not in a hurry to go home at all... I knew no one would be looking for me there anymore, I just couldn't think. A few months were a fuzzy blur. I left my job, and my friends, stopped eating and ceased all my communication with anyone. Day after day I sat there filled with nothing but pain. The pain was unbearable. I cried myself to sleep each night, thinking about Crystal and what used to be. I thought about all of the kissed, hugs, laughter and happiness we shared. I always wonder what I did wrong to make this wonderful and amazing love slip away? January February March April May June Before I knew it, summer 2019 has arrived. and its been a year since she left me and I still didn't get over her. Crystal and Nick were doing great together. They practically married, unofficially I hope. I could tell that Crystal was happy with him and loved him deeply. However, the way she made him happy drives me crazy. Sometimes I wish that she would become fed up with him and come back to me. I was selfish and wanted everything that he has now, this was all should have been for me. I would occasionally ran into Crystal and Nick from time to time. Evey time I see them, they were misled by the way I seemed to be coping on the outside. No one recognizes me anymore. I had completely changed. I didn't mind what people thought of me or cared or how they looked down on me. No one could possibly understand how I was feeling. People told me that if I prayed, everything would be okay. I've said the words. Nothing happened and nothings changed. The world is a field of never ending pain. was a constant torture like a walk of knives being pushed into my back, creeping their way to me one way or another. "Almost every night, I would take the black velvet cloth box unconsciously. I never did open it once. I was afraid of what would happen to me if her words come running back to my mind. I held it close to my heart, or where it used to be and then I teared up. I believe if you collected of the tears that dropped down in the few months or so, it would be enough to drown cities. I was.. I was exaggerating, but sadly I'm not. I don't understand how i can still have tears to cry. sometimes in the night, I feel like Crystal is right there besides me even though she was far beyond my sight and reach. That only made things worse. The worse way to miss someone is when your right beside them waiting to reach out and touch them, but you know you cannot, you cant have them.. May 20, 2019. That day I decided to die.. I just couldn't take it anymore. My life had o meaning now that Crystal is gone. I saw no reason to continue living. No one would notice or care if I was gone.. *sigh* oh well... I've decided August 8, 2018 would be the right date. Time crept by slowly, the fingers of time hauntingly counting down the days and nights of my life. Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Months have passed, May, June, July, just one more month of pain remains, I thought. Then, it will all be over. I could finally be in a pain free environment. What a happy thought that is, knowing that I can finally smile again.. I would miss her so much, I knew I would, but at least I know that I could watch her from above and smile at her success and happiness in life. July has passed with the usual tears and pain, I knew that I was running out of time, but I couldn't bring myself to tell Crystal about my plans, I could not be selfish and ruin her happy life with Nick. I see her everyday and yet not once did she ever notice me on the other side. I've memorized her schedules and followed her around just so I can see her more often that usual. Why did I do that...? all of that brought nothing but sorrow and pain, but why? why did I have to be so dumb? I guess its because my heart and mind still didn't let her go, I still love her more than anything in the world. no matter how she treated me, I know that somewhere deep inside down, she still loves me too... August 1, 2019. I could just feel it, my time is running on earth is coming to an end... Today I Watched with tears as Crystal and Nick walked hand in hand to the park, I should just be happy for her because she has found true love, but somehow, after all these years, I couldn't bring myself to smile to her. No one but me. knew how I truly feel, I hated Nick for stealing her away from me, I hated what he did to me, I hated the fact that she chose him instead of me, I was just angry, very angry. But what would that do? what would that accomplish? It didn't affect her at all... August 7, 2019. Tomorrow I finally die, the date of my death had to be August 8. Just six years ago, on the same day, Crystal had asked me to be hers And it was five years ago when she broke my heart, everything just happened on August 8th and so is my death. Earlier today, I consumed a large quantity of pills. I slowly waited for my life to end, I just sat on my bed that evening, finishing this very story of my life. I suddenly felt tired and I knew I only had hours left maybe more or less. I sat up for a while and memories kept flooding in my head, I thought about the happy year that I spent with Crystal and the smiles on our faces and our first kiss.. first hug.. everything... With my life ebbing away, I took out my black velvet cloth box, I recited every word of all her letters with tears smudging the words, I clutched the tightly to my heart, hoping that she'll remember me even after today. Her words filled my head until I could think of nothing else. I cried miserably and I knew there was one last thing I had to do. Impulsively, I reached for my phone and dialed her number, she picked up on the first ring. "Hey Crystal, I cant believe How long its been since we've last spoken to each other Don't worry nothings wrong: I lied, "Hello?" her voice boomed" "I need to see you..." I said in the tiniest voice and hung up. I wasn't sure if she will make it on time, the clock read 11:42 pm the day is almost over and so is my time on this earth. After a while I hear a loud bang on my door followed by loud footsteps up my room. Crystal walked into my room, as beautiful as ever, she rushed to my side and asked me whats wrong in a panicky voice. "I have something to tell you but please stay calm, in a few minutes, I will be leaving, forever. I just needed to see you one last time before I go, before it was too late. Thats the reason why I called you here". I touched her face, it was wet with tears, somehow, she understood what I was talking about. "No, no, NO!" she yelled. YOUR NOT LEAVING TO GO ANYWHERE! YOU CANT LEAVE ME HERE, REMEMBER WHAT YOU PROMISED ME!??" I put on a faint smile and took her hand into mine. "Just like how you promised me to be always together forever?" I chucked feebly. "Anyways, after I leave, I want you to read this story and this letter and you'll understand everything." I said pointing at my diary. "Thank you for coming to see me one last time before I leave, I was so scared I would die alone. Ever since we broke up 5 years ago, no one has ever told me they loved me, no one said I was important, no one cared about me, but thats okay... When I lost you, my life lost all of its meaning, I'm not loved, not cared for, and not important to anyone, I took so much effort to keep my heart going, I can't do it any longer, I'm so sorry that I have to break my promise", Tears of pain coming down out of my eyes. "Don't cry Crystal, I want you to be happy with me fir the last few moments of my life, oh good how it feels good to finally smile and be happy" I flashed her a weak smile, although I was in tears, I felt Happier than ever. "Chris, I love you.." I hear the pain in her voice as she chocked the words out. "Haha, I know you better mean it, your just saying these words to make me feel better about my life, even so I want to thank you because that it did mean a lot to me, now I can rest in peace knowing that my last wish came true, I can go now with a smile on my face because I know that the least person on earth loves me. Thank you..." I know I only had seconds left, I took my last final breath and one last tear flowed out of my eye. "I love you Crystal, goodbye..." My eyes shut,never to be open again, and just like that I left with Crystal by my side. "I love you too... I truly do..." she whispered but it was already too late and I had already left. "NOOOO!!!!" she screamed, unable to accept everything that happened!. I lay there besides Chris's body for a while, crying to myself. I read his story and his story says: Dear Crystal, Your probably the last person I will talk to before I die as I've decided to take my own life since life has no meaning at all anymore. I'm really sorry for breaking our promise. There is a lot that happened to me that you don't know about, I didn't want to ruin your perfect life with Nick. Ever since that day at the park 5 years ago, my life had turned into a living hell, as you told me that you wanted to leave me, I was in so much pain, there was no words to explain the way I was feeling. It was torment, every breath I took hurt because I knew you would never be mine again, happiness left my life and isolated myself from everyone, I was in deep depression, I had no one to talk to and no one to share my feelings with. So that I lived the past 5 years without a heart, I had only one reason to keep my heart beating: I still love you, but it hurts so much, I can't do it anymore... There wasn't a day that I lived without sorrow, I would seriously give everything and anything to feel loved like I did years ago, even if its just for one day. I would give anything in the world to be the Nick of your life, I would lay in my bed every nigh crying to myself, I would often fantasize about our future together or how it could have been and how happy we could have been, nothing has killed me more than seeing you with Nick, but If you think that you belong to him, then promise me you wont let anyone hurt you, when you walked away that day, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do but all I wanted was to set your heart free. When you left that day, you took my heart with you and a huge part of has died. There's so much pain in my chest, blacking out like a heart attack, life is hard, death is easier. I've always wondered what afterlife would be like, I guess I can find out soon ha?. I hope you live a long and a happy life before joining me, I guess I've finally learned to forgive you for what you have don't and I learned to live with the fact tat you didn't choose me, I don't blame you for anything, if you're wondering why I kept everything that was inside of that black Velvet Clothed box, I can tell you. I kept it all because every time I see it, every time I read your letters, I feel a little bit happier, I kept it because it was the only part of you that was still mine. It was the only thing I had left of you, it reminded me that true love does actually exist in this world. Crystal, I just want to let you now that I don't mind dying here and right now. I've lived life to the best of my ability, I have none but one regret: Letting you go... So i had to pretend that I wasn't going to miss you, I had to pretend tat this was what I wanted to do, haha, the funny thing is if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have this happy ending... oh well.. I just have to accept life and what is stores for me. Crystal, I'm really sorry for making you read this... You shouldn't have to suffer with me, I was so scared to be alone... with no one to share this with... Crystal, thank you for the great memories, thank you for showing me what true love means, and as long as your happy, I will be okay. Can you please take the black Velvet clothed box with you?, treasure it for me and finish up my story. Thank you! My time is almost up so I might as well finish this letter. As fir my will, I would like to have my heart separated from the rest of my body and cremated separately. I would like the ashes of my heart to go with you and the rest disposed of nicely. That way you'll know that my broken fragile heart never stopped loving you in the past and will never stop loving you in the future. Take care of my heart Crystal... I wish you and Nick a happy tear free life from the bottom of my heart! Remember to always keep on smiling! Love, Chris. P.S. I love you Crystal, I always have and always will. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- It killed me to see how much pain I had brought to her yet I never realized it, what an idiot I was, I thought to myself, how could I have left. I wish That I didn't leave him, he never broke his promise, he never stopped loving me, but what have I done? I broke his heart, I have smashed his entire universe into a billion tiny fractions. P.S. There is no ending to this story, fairy tales are wrong when they say "and they lived happily ever after". True love never has an ending... Then I saw her black Velvet clothes box, it touched me so much to see how he never gave up loving me. I would had done the same for him too, I knew he was still there, I could still sense his presence. I knew that no matter where she was physically, she will always loved forever in my heart, where he truly belongs. I knew that as long as I lived, there NOT be a day where I don't regret leaving him, I've made a decision to leave Nick, Chris never stopped loving me and I wont stop loving him. I love him more than anything in this world, people say you fall in love truly once in a lifetime, so once you've found true love, NEVER let go. Crystal.
© 2022 Joey NizzAuthor's Note
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Joey NizzManama, Reef Island, BahrainAboutWhatever the mind and heart creates, I put it down with my pen on a paper, whatever inspires me and whatever inspires others, I got to share the inspiration and the knowledge and the hardship that I a.. more..Writing
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