I cant believe its been this long, so many days have passed, so many weeks followed with the months that became the years.
I didn't know on that day that your name was called, your name was called to go up in the clouds, it broke my heart to lose you. You left peaceful memories in my heart and mind to remember you by, and even though I cannot see you I know you are always by my side, as I was for you when you used to be around.
I never got to see your face, not even once before you left, I never got to whisper words to make you feel safe, I never guided you to help you through the pain, Ill never get to sing to you just to see you smile or to see you sleep peacefully, there are many countless things I can never get to do with you because the hardest thing is not being with you anymore.
You lived in your own world, filled with nothing but pain and agony, I witnessed you being pushed around and I was there to pick you up, I used to see you the next day with bruises and cuts and whenever I asked whats wrong you always said that you fell or any other excuse, and I believed, not knowing the truth of your abusive drunk father who beat you down almost everyday, he beat you, he raped you and he threatened you, everyday you used to come to me with a smile, and we used to talk about our plans of the future and everything that made us happy, little that I knew of what really happened after you went back home, everyday!
You were always strong enough to keep that special one in a million smile of yours, you were always alone and no one ever understood you, you were a beautiful vase that had roses, that shattered and with its broken pieces the roses were scattered with their petals on the ground.
Never saw it coming, but little did I know, I thought I made you strong, but I guess I was wrong, I didn't know it came down to this when I found out that day, you decided to pick up the blade to end it all, that blade took you away from me and I never got to say what I wanted to say, it was very hard for me to believe it until you were six feet under, I couldn't understand what was going on so I started to dig you out, half way through I realized that this was real so I had to stop, I was the only one who was there for you that day and that made me feel sad, I was alone that day when I saw them put you down, I didn't even look around to see if anyone else was there, because it was so silent so quiet so surely no one was there.
It was raining that day and it felt like tears, the tears you held on for so long from the pain and suffering, but I guess your finally home now and somewhere where you truly belong.
Those special memories we shared and your memory will always bring me a smile, ill try to keep that smile for your memory, but only if i could have you back for just a little while, we will sit and talk again, just like we used too, just like the old times, you always meant so much to me, you meant the world to me and will always do, you understood me more than anyone and I thought that I understood you too, the fact that you are no longer here will always bring me pain but know this, you will forever be in my heart.
I miss you and I love you, always had and always will
Until we meet again.
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