Until We Meet Again

I cant believe its been this long, so many days have passed, so many weeks followed with the months that became the years.

I didn't know on that day that your name was called, your name was called to go up in the clouds, it  broke my heart to lose you. You left peaceful memories in my heart and mind to remember you by, and even though I cannot see you I know you are always by my side, as I was for you when you used to be around.

I never got to see your face, not even once before you left, I never got to whisper words to make you feel safe, I never guided you to help you through the pain, Ill never get to sing to you just to see you smile or to see you sleep peacefully, there are many countless things I can never get to do with you because the hardest thing is not being with you anymore.

You lived in your own world, filled with nothing but pain and agony, I witnessed you being pushed around and I was there to pick you up,  I used to see you the next day with bruises and cuts and whenever I asked whats wrong you always said that you fell or any other excuse, and I believed, not knowing the truth of your abusive drunk father who beat you down almost everyday, he beat you, he raped you and he threatened you, everyday you used to come to me with a smile, and we used to talk about our plans of the future and everything that made us happy, little that I knew of what really happened after you went back home, everyday!

You were always strong enough to keep that special one in a million smile of yours, you were always alone and no one ever understood you, you were a beautiful vase that had roses, that shattered and with its broken pieces the roses were scattered with their petals on the ground.

Never saw it coming, but little did I know, I thought I made you strong, but I guess I was wrong, I didn't know it came down to this when I found out that day, you decided to pick up the blade to end it all, that blade took you away from me and I never got to say what I wanted to say, it was very hard for me to believe it until you were six feet under, I couldn't understand what was going on so I started to dig you out, half way through I realized that this was real so I had to stop, I was the only one who was there for you that day and that made me feel sad, I was alone that day when I saw them put you down, I didn't even look around to see if anyone else was there, because it was so silent  so quiet so surely no one was there. 

It was raining that day and it felt like tears, the tears you held on for so long from the pain and suffering, but I guess your finally home now and somewhere where you truly belong.

Those special memories we shared and your memory will always bring me a smile, ill try to keep that smile for your memory, but only if i could have you back for just a little while, we will sit and talk again, just like we used too, just like the old times, you always meant so much to me, you meant the world to me and will always do, you understood me more than anyone and I thought that I understood you too, the fact that you are no longer here will always bring me pain but know this, you will forever be in my heart.

I miss you and I love you, always had and always will

Until we meet again.

Author's Note

I will still always be there for you,
And wherever you are now, I hope you finally found the peace you were hoping for.

R.I.P Pauline

Reviews

[Black Jess]

so sad ! I'm so sorry for you loss :(
it's mingled with agony, pain and the beauty of expressions

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your review, it has hit me hard when I got the news a few years back, and it still comes back to me every now and then.. anyways.

[zaisham9393]

I am sorry for your loss.This is sad, beautiful and heartfelt!
Thank you for sharing!

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome and thank you for reading :)

[Gwenn the little girl]

The emotions here are so sincere and heartfelt! My eyes were filled with tears in the middle part where you described her torture, and the water in my eyes escaped when I read, "Until we meet again."

In my opinion there is nothing more painful in this Earth than separation by death. All the regrets and self-blame are so overwhelming that we wish we could rewind every single thing over. Your piece was just so raw with emotion. Simple but heart-wrenching. It speaks volumes about your love for her.
.....
I hope you're fairing well, mate. I am SO sorry for your loss. I don't know if this really helps, but from what you described in the story, you were a really good companion to Pauline. You mentioned that you thought you didn't make her strong, but you gave her so much. I think that's the most valuable thing you could give, your love and your time.

Please do not blame yourself. She is in heaven now, and I am positively sure God is taking care of her right in this instant. Up there there is no more pain, no more torture, and no more tears for her. She will be happy for all eternity, and someday, you two will be reunited once again, just like before.

I am sorry if this review seems so sensitive for you, but I hope this helps. I know nothing of your pain or what she has experienced, but know there is God out there, all caring and loving.

Thank you for posting a part of yourself. :)

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your comment, I had to re read it again before I replied and I also had water in my eyes ready to escape.

I agree with you, having to be separated with someone by death is heart aching and mind consuming, and it takes us a almost a life time to get over it even when we actually think that we did but when these memories resurface.. thats when we know that we are still not over losing a part of our selves.

Thank you for saying that, sometimes I used to feel that I wasn't really there for her as much as I should have but looking back, I think I was.. I blamed myself for her taking her own life because I thought I was never truly there for her on that day maybe, but sometimes the heart and mind struggles can make you make things even though you are getting help for them.

Thank you and I hope your right, because I believe that as well, people who suffer on earth do get what they truly deserve one way or an other even in the after life, and I know that Im saying "Until we meet again" but I hope now that she got what she truly deserves up there.

Its okay, your review gave me a smile, a smile because I see that there are people who still care you know? and I agree god is everywhere and god love us and is taking care of us and whatever happens to us in life that makes us feel pain, god will always open a new door for us to feel happy.

Your welcome and thank you very much for your heartfelt comment :)

[Gwenn the little girl]

It's a relief that I was able to help you! Yes, even if you feel so downcast sometimes, know that people still care. Even people you don't know cares about you.

In the matters of the heart,love knows no stranger

GOD BLESS

[Joey Nizz]

I agree, love knows no stranger, loving people no matter who they are can give us enlightenment and make us feel good about ourselves.

Thank you for being one of those people my friend :)

[Abraham George]

detailed emotions always make my heart beat faster. you doubled the speed. great work my friend.

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you so much, it always makes me smile to read your views :)

[Abraham George]

smile? becoz of my foolish comments?

[Joey Nizz]

Your comments are so sincere and honest, their not foolish don't think that :P

[Abraham George]

just kidding bro

[Joey Nizz]

lol you got me

[Paul Bell]

That is one tough poem. Was sort of hoping daddy died a tragic death. Though that never seems to happen. I'm with Izzy on this one.

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you Paul for reviewing, I'm sorry if you lost your dad in a tragic accident, that's what I got from your message and if i am wrong i'm sorry for misunderstanding.

[Paul Bell]

Sorry Joey. It was reference to Pauline's father. Hope he suffered.

[Joey Nizz]

I apologize for misunderstanding and yes me too, I hope that he did, people like him don't deserve to be happy if their happiness is on other people's expense.

[Island Hippy]

Aloha, this made me well up with tears. It's incredibly sad but written with so much heart and sincerity. Izzy

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your review Izzy :)

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is so heartbreaking and sad. I can feel the pain in this, well done

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your review :)

[Tabby Mac]

This is deeply sad but a beautifully written tribute.
Tabby

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your review, I just wanted to tell her story, at least this way some people will finally acknowledge her presence and know her story you know?

[Tabby Mac]

Your words painted a strong beautiful friend. Even in its sadness it speaks volumes of her and life.
I'm sorry for your loss. This must have been a painful write. HUG
Tabby

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your thoughts, I just wanted to tell her untold story to the world.
It was heartbreaking for me to remember but i was glad that I did, this write had been waiting too long to be written.

Thank you.

[Carol Cashes]

She loved you enough not to share her heavy and (to her) shameful burden. That's quite the eulogy, Joey, and she made a difference in your life that she maybe didn't know then, but she does now.

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you carol, I never looked at it this way, I believe your right :)

Thank you for your review and your words :)

[Giulia King]

This is truly beautiful, Joey. I love this.
She's looking down on you with a big smile, may she rest in peace

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you Gullia :)
I hope so too :)