The Pill

Xanax to help me with my dying mind

Restoril to help me close my eyes and obliterate my thoughts and wake a new

Xanax, stop giving me these racing thoughts that run wild in my mind uncontrollably and confused

Pestoril, you're the one that changes my insomnia to the dreams I've been longing for when you finally make me shut down in the night

Xanax, please help me forget but don't destroy my thoughts

Pestoril, please help me shut them down again but please make me wake again

Xanax, I don't wanna forget the feeling of...

Pastoril, please I don't want you to lock me up deep inside

Xanax and Pastoril, Don't make me forget, I wanna stay in love with my sorrow

But dear god, I really wanna let it go!

Come with me again as we go back to bed, I don't wanna sleep alone

Xanax, Pastoril you hid my struggle but couldn't hide my emptiness

You let it show

Looking at my reflection to see what you wrought

Nothing but ugliness and the darkest shades under my eyes

Shades of the very darkness I have fought

My reflection holds nothing but lies

The lies that I have tried to conceal by using you

But both of you brought me nothing but more pain

messing up my mentality to make me look insane

I can't really hold on to me

I wonder whats wrong with me?

You drowned my well to sore

Deep down the water I inundate to its very core

Only here in the darkness you have besieged me is where I know myself

I'll never be free unless I break it by letting go of me

So please

Let go of me...

Shadows and voices reappeared to me as soon as I gave up on you

My friends, please I need you again

Having you is better than to be alone

I had to wait until the very end when I had to fall again

Once again among the ashes

Once again I must ask you

Why can't I hold on to me

Whats wrong with me?

Xanax, Restoril please help me

Xanax, Restoril stay away from me

Reviews

[hiding]

I absolutely can't express in words how much I adored this reading! I struggled with drugs, and every ignorant boyfriend I ever had did as well. Until the most current one, when he changed my world around.. slowly but surely. Great piece.

[Joey Nizz]

Im sorry to hear about your struggle with drugs but I am more than happy to hear that you have won the battle against it :)

Thank you for sharing and reviewing :)

[Davidgeo]

I struggled with benzo's pretty hard after I got out of the military. The VA would pretty much give you whatever you want under certain circumstances; that s**t almost killed me and certainly did turn me into a different, horrible person for a while. Even though they did help me at first, eventually it became a serious problem. A lot of teens these days love to be trendy and say they have PTSD or are depressed and anxious... then they end up on venlafaxine or Prozac with a little Depakote and some kind of benzo for their made up panic attacks/sleep disorder and just like that... bam... their entire brain chemistry is rewired and now they actually are fucked up in the head. Pharmies like that should be a weapon of last resort, I wish I never met them and just smoked some weed and cathartically yelled at my psychologist for 45 minutes a week. This is an important poem you have written... I hope the brooding little emo teens on this site take this to heart and stay the f**k away from that s**t. Getting off it once you're on it for a while is a god damn nightmare

[Joey Nizz]

Im sorry to hear that you went through it all, I know that it must have been a real living nightmare to break free from, but im really glad that you pulled out of it, and you put it all behind you, and I hope your not having any urges to go back to them again.
A lot of people think that by using these narcotics, it'll make them feel better or make them feel like a brand new person but no, its all in their heads, sometimes mind tricks can be played in our heads and we should fight them and not submit to them.
I hope the teens of today can open their eyes and see the destruction that these narcotics.

[Davidgeo]

I forgot to mention this. . . benzo's like Xanax and Restoril and its cousins are not medical narcotics. They belong to a class of drugs called benzodiazepines. You should change the title of this to reflect that as calling this "narcotics" makes no sense.

[Joey Nizz]

I was actually thinking of a similar word and all i could come with was narcotics, and I googles and found other words that day but i think that this word is the one most people know.
If you have any other names that you think that are best please let me know.

[Davidgeo]

Um... anything that accurately depicts the subject. The word narcotics has absolutely nothing to do with benzodiazepine's. Using the word narcotics in the title simply because it sounds better is intellectually dishonest. But it's your poem and this is just a small poetry site so, if you like it keep it.

[Joey Nizz]

I dont really like to mislead or to to be dishonest to my readers, so thank you for telling me about this.

[Davidgeo]

For aesthetic purposes you could always use the abbreviated "Benzo's" instead of the full word in the title.

[Joey Nizz]

I actually thought about it before I added the full word, now that I heard it from someone else then maybe I should change it to Benzo's

[Davidgeo]

It's definitely easier that way.

[Joey Nizz]

Yeah, thanks, I appreciate it.

[CAPOLAVORO]

Nice piece. I like the idea of two opposing views yet interdependent on each other to create a wonderful thought of struggle and pain. Keep writing Joey. :)

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for your review and support, I'm glad that you liked it :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

There is an earthy reality to this as the struggle between wanting to be free of dependence and wanting to be free is played out. Good pathos!

[Joey Nizz]

Thanks man I agree with you, Thanks for reviewing and for sharing your thoughts.

[duff]

Now this is intense. Gut wrenching stuff when we come so dependent that we feel trapped. Solace and relief cease to exist. One extreme after another. You did an awesome job of creating the painful and chaotic mood that so many experience. Nicely penned.

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you, I'm glad that you think so!
Many people think that they can ease their pain by using supplements or drugs, it only adds more pain and damage to them selves, its really sad to see this, I've lost some one due to this years back, she wasn't a close friend but still it was very sad.
I hope that this message would open the eyes of any reader who uses these drugs and see that its just useless and adds more struggle.

[duff]

You're welcome! I absolutely get it. Here in the US the opiates and other painkillers are destroying people like wildfire. It's everywhere you go. Sad stuff to think about. I'm sorry for your loss.

[Joey Nizz]

I just hope she found her place, where ever she is now, People just wanna get away, but not like this, this will make you go away for good with time.

[duff]

Hopefully peaceful. It's no joke. I just sent you something that pertains to what we're talking about.

[Joey Nizz]

Thanks I'll check it out.

[duff]

Thank you Joey. It's a pleasure chatting my friend

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome, good talk :)

[rowan.taylorrr]

this is honesty heartbreaking. it's amazing that this can be represented with words, it broohjh me to tears. i love this so much, thank you

[Joey Nizz]

Your welcome, I just wanted to express how would someone who had this problem feel,
Im glad you liked it and thank you for your review :)

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

Wow! Frightening trip into an imprisoned, tortured mind where drugs both save and destroy. No peace. No peace. Back and forth. Delusional or raised like Lazarous. So well and bravely written, I feel this - " I had to wait to the very end when I had to fall again." Makes tears. Great.

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for reviewing and I'm glad you've liked it :)
And yeah there are a few people out there that are stuck between the choices of giving up the drugs but they also think why give them up, their the only thing that understands them and makes them feel good, their just at a constant war with their minds.

[Rassoul]

"You drowned my well to sore
Deep down the water I inundate to its very core
Only here in the darkness you have besieged me is where I know myself
I'll never be free unless I break it by letting go of me"

I really like how you wrote this, perfectly written, nice job!

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you Rassoul im glad that you think so and thanks for your comment! ^^

[emmajoy]

This is so finely written, it hurts. Your use of language, whether fact or fiction, methinks the former, but.. .. is incredibly visible, incredibly honest. In fact, in a way, the way you continue from the third stanza becomes a haunting audible chant.. or something similar.. not sure how to express it.

Trouble is that it is more than hard to throw away crutches .. the memory of them is deeply embedded and somehow lure a being when dark times hit. Please, find the light.. yes?

[Joey Nizz]

Thank you for reading, and yes we must all look for the light that will show us the way, the right way.
I just hope for everyone who struggles with drugs or struggles with anything can find the light that will save them.

[emmajoy]

Tr ue, every word.

[apennylate]

A haunting back and forth... Meds and I go wayyy back... This was a deep one for me... Really brought some personal emotions to the surface... Extremely well penned, and with a haunting voice...

[Joey Nizz]

Im glad you think so and thanks for reading.
Im sorry if this writing brought back some unwanted memories.

[apennylate]

No need to apologise... Was a wonderful ride

[Joey Nizz]

One ride in the memory book ay?
Im glad your fine now and no need for meds hopefully.

[apennylate]

I think we are all a bit F.I.N.E.... Haha, but seriously... I am splendid, thanks for the concern... Keep writing badass stuff...!

[Joey Nizz]

Lol yes we are, thats great im glad that your! and you got it!