I think Jeremy writes really well, I´ve read a number of his poems are they are all excellent, written with care and thought, full of literary value. This is a cracker too, Jeremy is not afraid to take a position and take on a real big subject, and it´s not only excellently written, but has the right moral position, and transports it with lyrical power. Great.
Corruption is the one word that stands out for me in this poem. There is so much I don't think we will ever really recover from it. The earth is truly in trouble. This is an interesting topic.
it's true, where is this world coming to? it just seems like it's out of our control now and it's headed for its own end. we don't actually contribute to making the world a better place, instead we pollute the earth. i agree with capitalist consumption, how the commercials make you think you have to have this product, you have to be engaged on your gadgets non stop, crossing the street, at dinner or you can't exist in this society. it's sickening. great job!
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thanks for the feedback :). I'm glad you liked it!
This poem speaks to the degradation that our planet suffers as humans, its most evolved and sophisticated inhabitants, continue to 'progress' into a grotesque mockery of their former primitive selves, eschewing all things natural in their pursuit of monetary gain, which seems to transcend all of the simple and worldly pleasures that Earth offers. It's sad to think how (in America at least) exercise is becoming rarer, obesity more common, pollution continues unabated (with new initiatives to remove existing EPA regulations), and the national political scene is increasingly becoming concerned with the issue of economic productivity, long enshrined as the most important aspect of life at the expense of just about everything else.
Those are just my thoughts :3 the fact that I'm thinking so much shows that your poem is provocative, and I think you did a good job of putting forward your point, even though I did feel that it could have been more aesthetically pleasing overall. It's effective at making readers think though.
Lovely vocab and word variety throughout, but you messed up your form of "its" in the third to last line though! a really minor mistake, but since you're an English teach I thought you might like to know XD good work.
I think Jeremy writes really well, I´ve read a number of his poems are they are all excellent, written with care and thought, full of literary value. This is a cracker too, Jeremy is not afraid to take a position and take on a real big subject, and it´s not only excellently written, but has the right moral position, and transports it with lyrical power. Great.
we killed it. And some of us will pay for it with our lives...our future...our children's future. It's our karma....and we have no one to blame but ourselves.
I'm a former English & Literature teacher who has always enjoyed the magic, power and simple romance of words well written.
My favourite writers include Pablo Neruda, Liam O'Flaherty, Anthony Eaton.. more..