Drifter

Drifter

A symphony of images play

Echoing my life gone by,

Standing by the roadside,

Backpack breaking my shoulder,

Holding my loved photo,

A family lost to time.

 

A violent shock clears my mind,

I drift ashore, my flotsam scattered by,

The beach shone with silver sand,

My mind tricks my head again,

I grasped myself, bowing in pain,

A broken bone found inside my hull.

 

Cars pass by my shaking image,

Ignoring this lost soul, adrift from all,

Night came; the cold touched me again,

Alone except my twisted voices,

My boat capsized, my home deserted,

My mind has lost its bearings.

 

 

Reviews

[Jwana Creer Yeshua]

This is a very, very strong poem. My review of this poem is written about someone who is lost. Lost in the world. They walking in the Land of Nod. The Land of Nod is not a place where anyone should it is the wrost place on Earth. When in this place you feel like thw world is ending. But in reality it's just beggining. One way, only one way we can get out of this place. This was is God. God is our stronghold and will help us thruogh anything. So when you feel like the world has stopped take a look around because it is just the beggining. Great Write! I will be looking for more in the near future.

Humbly,
Jwana Creer Yeshua

[beancountersar]

Such a touching and powerful poem full of images and emotions. I like your depth and sense of reality here. The poem flowed very well and told a story..painful.
Bravo!! I loved it.

[Suicidal Teddybear]

wow amazing thatsall i can say
x

[Scott Free]

Wow--very well done.
I can never find a way to criticize such strong poems like this. You did so well!
I really loved the imagery of this tramp, this drifter, and how you likened it to a piece of driftwood--that, sir, I believe is what we call a stroke of genius.
Very nice!
~S

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is indeed such a powerful piece of writing!
I loved the imagery and few of the extended metaphors, like -
"My boat capsized, my home deserted,
My mind has lost its bearings." - This is definitely a beautiful piece!
The poem concluded very well with these lines....
Very well penned! :)
(A violent shock clears my mind - This line though put me off :( )

[Horsey]

Really good! Very touching. I agree that I sounds like the person is lost. You have used just the right amount of emotion.

[Wunderlich]

This is excellent. Great use of imagery. Very nice job.

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Wow that was great! Wonderful read. I like freestyle, non-rhyming stuff.
"My mind tricks my head again," I had a little problem understanding this. My mind tricks my head AGAIN? when was the first time? how is it tricking the head?
That was the only thing I had a problem with. Other than that, great. It has a nice flowing style.
Gj.
--Andrew

[Luna]

I liked this a lot.
It had such imagery and it was extremely well written.
This is also pretty emotional and I, too, get the feeling of being lost.
Nicely penned.

-Luna

[Alex Caine]

I love this!
The imagery you've used is so, well, potent. I felt almost as if I were seeing and hearing the things you described. Fantastic job!