Drifter

Drifter

A symphony of images play

Echoing my life gone by,

Standing by the roadside,

Backpack breaking my shoulder,

Holding my loved photo,

A family lost to time.

 

A violent shock clears my mind,

I drift ashore, my flotsam scattered by,

The beach shone with silver sand,

My mind tricks my head again,

I grasped myself, bowing in pain,

A broken bone found inside my hull.

 

Cars pass by my shaking image,

Ignoring this lost soul, adrift from all,

Night came; the cold touched me again,

Alone except my twisted voices,

My boat capsized, my home deserted,

My mind has lost its bearings.

 

 

Reviews

[Jwana Creer Yeshua]

This is a very, very strong poem. My review of this poem is written about someone who is lost. Lost in the world. They walking in the Land of Nod. The Land of Nod is not a place where anyone should it is the wrost place on Earth. When in this place you feel like thw world is ending. But in reality it's just beggining. One way, only one way we can get out of this place. This was is God. God is our stronghold and will help us thruogh anything. So when you feel like the world has stopped take a look around because it is just the beggining. Great Write! I will be looking for more in the near future.

Humbly,
Jwana Creer Yeshua

[Tovli]

nicely done. vivid in imagry. tovli

[Lexi Nicole]

Very, very intense. Great emotions. Great imagery, wording, and flow. Amazing work, you've got real talent. ^^

-Howl

[Faith]

one word, INTENSE! like woah, very deep...i pictured everything in my mind perfectly, you have a great use of imagery in this. i loved it
i love your last sentence the most♥

-Faith♥

[DC Gentleman]

Such imagery.. I love the last lines.. how it allows the poem to be literal or metaphorical..

Excellent work..

[Raef C. Boylan]

Some good poetic description here. At first I thought you'd overused the commas a bit, but they actually work well to create a consistent pace and flow.
I like how the concept of 'Drifter' can be taken literally or as a metaphor, depending on what the reader wants from your poem. I think you intended the narrator to be an actual drifter - homeless/hitchhiker etc...but everyone has felt lost in the world to some extent, so the emotive side of this piece has universal application.

"My" is repeated quite a lot throughout the poem; might be worth seeing whether one or two can be removed/exchanged for an alternative. Not a biggie though.

Great poem. Thanks for sharing it.

[Melissa Kesead]

Very sad and lonely poem with lots of imagery suited to a drifter. Thanks for sharing.

[Matthew Green]

I thought it was very moving and emotional. I like the way the first and last stanzas seem quite real, as though they could be happening, while the middle stanza is full of confused images - as though he falls apart then pulls himself together, but his position hasn't changed. I dunno if that's what u meant, but i thought it was good anyway.

I also like the way you use the same images, but jumble them up around each other - the boat, the driftwood, the man by the road etc.

The only bit i didn't get was the bit about the broken bone inside his hull, but that's probably just me.
So overall, yeah - it's pretty amazing. :D

[Jimmy Greenie]

nice. Lost....alone...Is this meant to be literal or just a metaphor? Brilliant either way, though. Well done

[a]

The thought, main idea isn't innovating or fresh - a road and one standing by it, a journey; but the way it is written - bravo! Great work!
Thank you!

[Legion]

Deeply lost. I know the feeling. Well done.