Chapter Five

Kensi finally makes a decision that leads to her driving to Kyle's house and getting a peak at his life and his struggles.

Since I woke up passed out on the bathroom floor at my aunt’s house, I regressed and returned to my quiet, brooding, and isolationist personality. I refused to acknowledge the few friends I made since Kyle brought me out of my shell, not even Anastasia. She didn’t give up though. Even though I never responded to her, and even gave her attitude, she insisted on sitting next to me in class and showing me all of her great ideas. But most of all, I pretended Kyle didn’t exist. I didn’t try to talk to him at all, not even for the project. I did my work, and handed it to him, but I didn’t engage in any conversation. He spent the first week since our fight trying to get me to talk to him. He sat next to me at lunch and and in any classes we had together, but after a week of failure, he started to give up.

Even though I enjoyed our witty back-and-forth conversations and missed our daily Cafe Mac and Cheese run, I refused to let him have another chance to hurt me. I’ve had enough betrayal and pain to last me a life time. I had believed that I’ve felt loneliness the first time around when I isolated myself since the incidence, but that was nothing compared to this. The only thing I missed before were the parties and drunk nights filled with slobbery kisses and rushed groping. But this time? I lost someone who I had shared jokes and thoughts with. I had fun with him while I was sober, and the other friends that I made had made me laugh and enjoy parts of the day. But the truth was, no matter how happy they made me feel, I was simply handing them a sharpened knife. 

I could tell my aunt was getting worried about me. She kept suggesting we go out to dinner, or spending more time with me, but I always came up with an excuse. “I have to stay late at work today” “I don’t know, I’m really tired today. I just want to sleep or something”. Kasey started slipping packets about depression into my backpack or under my door. She also asked about Kyle at breakfast. “You haven’t been hanging out with Kyle as much lately. Did something happen?” 

“No, we’ve just both been super busy.” I turned away and started buttering my bagel so I couldn’t see her expression, but I knew she didn’t believe me even though she didn’t try to press further into it. That day, I stayed later than everyone else at the office. I was helping Jane plan a birthday party for a 10 year old girl. I hadn’t met the client, but from what I heard, she was adorable and easy to work with. She had wanted a pool party, but a laser party at the same time, and I was tasked with the job of coming up with ideas. 

When I finally went home, all the lights were off which meant either KC was already asleep, or she was staying late at work. But as I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t see KC’s jeep anywhere so I knew I was in for another night of TV dinners. The second I entered the kitchen, a familiar scent hit my nose, and I was almost sure I was simply going through withdrawal. I walked into the kitchen, and in the middle of the dining table, was a big bowl of Cafe’s Mac and Cheese. Written on a note next to it in a messy scrawl was, I’m sorry. I know this doesn’t make up for it, but I really hope you can forgive me. I understand you want your space, so I’m giving it to you, but I’m always up for a real Cafe run whenever you want. 

I didn’t need Kyle to sign it to know it was from him, I’d seen his messy handwriting enough times to know that he left the note and the food. I lifted the cover, and I saw that he even added bits of bacon to my Mac and Cheese the way I liked it. I certainly didn’t forgive him, but I wasn’t exactly mad at him anymore. He was right when he said that he wasn’t the one that who said all those things at the Pizza Joint that night. But nonetheless, I didn’t want to give him the opportunity to hurt me. I settled down and at the food which was still slightly warm, and started working on the ending of “The Book Thief”. 

When I saw him in school the next day, I could tell he was hoping that something had changed, but all I said was, “Thanks for the food, but I don’t think I’m up for our old routine. It’s hard for me to trust people, and what happened at the Pizza Joint is just another reason why I shouldn’t try again. I’m sorry.” I waited for him to respond or try to convince me the way he did the first time we met, but all he said was “Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault, but my offer still stands.” I smiled at him, and walked back into my corner of the room, and tried to convince myself that it was the right thing to do. 

During lunch, one of Kyle’s friends came and sat next to me. I wasn’t sure which one he was, but I think his name was Matt. “Hey pretty girl, hope you don’t mind eating lunch with me.” I glanced at him and started to get up. He grabbed my arm and said “oh come on, don’t be like that. You ate with Kyle everyday.” I glared at him, and said “He’s not an a*s like you.” Trying to shake him off, I glanced around and saw that no one was paying attention to what was happening and I was obviously not going to get any help. He pulled me back down into the seat before I could leave. “Listen here, I just want to spend some time with you, maybe go on a date?” I found myself so repulsed by his wink and the mere idea of going  on a date with him I almost didn’t hide my shudder. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” I had never heard Kyle sound so mad, and I have never been so happy to hear his voice.

“I’m taking Kensi here out on a date bud. You’re more than welcome to join and make this a threesome.” Matt laughed, alone and unaware of Kyle’s death stare. He glanced at Matt’s hand holding my down and looked at me. I shook my head, indicating I wasn’t comfortable with anything that was happening. “Yeah? Well stand up real quick will you?” Kyle directed his question towards Matt, and waited until Matt was fully standing before punching him in the face. I heard the crunch before I saw the blood, and within a few moments, I knew that Matt was either knocked out cold, or was in too much pain to fight back. Before Kyle had time to turn and talk to me, at least two teachers were already calling for the nurse and dragging him to the principal’s office.

At the end of the day, I stopped by his locker, hoping I could talk to Kyle, but he never showed up, and I figured that he was most likely suspended. For the first time since I moved, I called in sick for work and ditched my responsibilities. I drove to his house, not quite sure what to say, but knew that if I were to ever change my mind, now was the time. I pulled into his driveway, and sat in my car for a long time, tempted to just drive away, but something kept me from leaving. I finally walked up to his house and before I could even knock, the door swung wide open and he pulled me into his arms in a giant bear hug. 

“I saw you pull up half an hour ago, and I figured you would either come in, or you would never let me into your life again.” Still shocked by his sudden show of affection and stunned by the feeling of being touched, I didn’t speak or move. He realized how tense I was and immediately let go. “Hey hey hey, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I was just really happy that you’re here.” He took a step back and I exhaled. I smiled at him and said “It’s fine, not your fault, just a little surprised by your hug thats all. Thanks for punching him though. I feel bad you’re in trouble for me…” I drifted off as I looked around his house. The first thing I noticed was how neat everything was. There was virtually no clutter, no dust, and everything seemed to be where it should be. I wondered how he managed to keep everything so clean when suddenly I heard mumbling and a small girl walked into the room holding a duster. 

“Syd, come here.” He motioned for her to walk towards me, but she kept her head down and out of her pocket pulled out a small bottle of hand sanitizer and quickly squeezed some out on my hand before walking away. Not quite sure how to react, I rubbed my hands together and simply said “thank you”. Looking a Kyle, I saw how embarrassed he looked. “How old is she?” I asked him.

“She’s ten. She has severe OCD and some autism.” He started walking towards the kitchen.

“Syd, do you want anything to eat?” Within a few moments, I heard her walking towards us, and as she walked past us, I realized what she was saying. 

“41,42,43,44,45,46…” and so on. “How many steps did you take this time?” Kyle handed her a spoon and a cup of vanilla pudding. “52” She climbed onto her seat and began carefully peeling back the seal on the pudding. 

“Did you say hi to Kensi yet?” He handed her a plate of four baby tomatoes and six carrots. She crunched on a carrot before saying “Hi Kensi.” I smiled and returned her greeting even though she never took her eyes off her food. “There were only 38 crayons in the box today.” She finished her food and brought them to the sink. Kyle started to wash them as she hugged his waist. At ten years old, she was only as tall as his hip, and the perfect height for him to casually brush her hair back, or clean food off her face without too much trouble. 

“I’m so glad you came home early today.” She looked up at him, and something in my stomach clenched. He really was a good guy, his sister’s adoration proved it. Kyle glanced at my direction and smiled. “Why? Wasn’t mom going to pick you up at 12 anyways?” When she shook her head, he turned off the water and turned to face her. He dried his hands and picked her up before setting her down in his lap across from me. “Syd, what time does mom usually pick you up?” The intensity of his voice made me realize something was very off. “Around 5. I’m always the last kid to leave.” Syd’s nonchalant manner made it obvious that she thought it was normal. Kyle’s jaw tightened and he gripped the table cloth. Sensing his need to process this information, I spoke up. “Hey Syd, do you know how to braid hair?” She looked up from the flowers she was counting in the tablecloth, and after a moment, continued counting. “67,68,69,70,71,72,73,74,75… no” The single syllable at the end made me feel better. For some reason, I really wanted Syd to accept me, and not just because she was Kyle’s younger sister, but because she had some kind of vulnerability that I could relate to. “Do you want to learn?” I made no attempt of standing up or making physical contact, and instead waited for her to initiate it. I could understand her discomfort with being touched by someone that she wasn’t familiar or comfortable with.

A couple more minutes passed before she stood up and walked out of the room. She paused at the doorway and looked at Kyle for confirmation. He nodded his head and mouthed “thank you” to me. I smiled at him and said “no problem” back before following Syd. 

When I walked into her room, the first thing I noticed was the bookshelf, neatly stacked, alphabetically and then by height/width. Walking over, careful not to touch or disturb anything. I was amazed to find some classics such as Pride and Prejudice, Great Expectations, Moby Dick, and A Tale of Two Cities. Looking at Syd, she was carefully arranging a variety of hair ties and clips by colour on her desk. “Did you read all of these?” Without looking up she said “Kyle’s helping with my reading. I like these better than the workbooks.”
“I see, these are great books and so advanced. You should be so proud of yourself.” I sat down in the middle of the room and waited for her to sit down. I took my hair out of its pony tail and began to separate the first handful of hair into three sections. As I taught her, I was amazed by how intelligent she was. She quickly grasped the concept and after a two tries, she had french braided her own hair. We also had a short and mostly one sided conversation at first. 

“Other than reading, how do you like school?”
“It’s good. My favourite class is math.”
“What are you guys working on?”
“Long division.”
“Wow, do you know your timetable?”

“Yes”
“What’s your second favourite class?”
“Science. We helped the caterpillars turn into butterflies.” After a moment of silence, she added on, “did you know that there are 735 different kinds in North America, but the most common butterfly is in Europe? It’s the cabbage butterfly.” She slipped a butterfly clip into her hair at the base of her braid. Kyle walked into the room and said, “wow, look at your hair. It looks amazing! Did you do that all by yourself? Syd looked so happy at her brother’s compliment I couldn’t help but smile. 

“Anyways, I was going to say do y’all want to watch a movie downstairs?” 

“Can I watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s?” I was surprised when Syd directed her question at me. 

“Of course! I love Audrey Hepburn!” She jumped up and began running downstairs. “That’s the only movie she’ll watch. I’m surprised she even asked, she usually just puts it into the dvd player. Hey, if it’s ok, can we stay until my mom gets home? I want to talk to her about this, and then we can go hangout somewhere else.” He took my hand inside of his and played with my ring.

“If you want privacy, that’s fine too. but whatever you want.” I looked down at our hands and watched him twist it around. “No I want you to stay. I think it’ll be good for Syd to have a female friend. Also, I’ve missed you a lot.” I smiled at him and linked my fingers between his. “ I did too, I was just too stubborn to admit it. Does Syd spend a lot of time with your mom?” He looked pained and stayed silent for a long time, “My mom says they do, but I think she’s lying. She’s supposed to pick her up everyday at 12, but apparently she’s putting her work and personal life ahead of her family life again.” Again. I knew how that felt. I remembered the long nights when my parents gave me boxed dinners and put me in my room with some stuffed animals and told me we were playing a game: if I stayed upstairs the whole night and didn’t make noises, I would get a brand new toy of my choice, whatever the cost, as long as my parents could impress big business guests in their fancy pool with a jacuzzi and underground kitchen/living room behind the built in waterfall. As I got older, I began to take advantage of these nights to go to parties or clubbing with the fake ID I asked my parents to make me. I didn’t want Syd to grow up feeling this way, and even despite her autism, she would be forced into bad habit as a method of coping. She might not end up drinking and grinding all night long, but there were plenty of other awful methods to ask for much needed attention.

As we walked downstairs, he squeezed my hand, “where did you go?” I looked up at him and said, “I’ll tell you later. Let’s watch the movie first.” I let go of his hand and sat on the left of Syd as he sat to her right. She had a bowl of popcorn in her lap, and was already sucked into the movie. 

Sometime around 5:30, just after we finished the and helped Syd clean up the crumbs, wipe oil off the coffee table, and vacuumed the floor, Kyle’s mother stormed in. “What is the matter with you?!” She yelled at him without acknowledging or realizing I was in the room. I felt a small hand grab mine, and looking down, I was surprised Syd was comfortable enough to initiate physical contact. “Do you want to go upstairs?” I bent down to her height so I could be eye level. She nodded her head and I tried to lead her upstairs as fast as I could. Once we reached her room, I asked “do you want to read a book with me?” She let go of my hand without responding and walked to the bookshelf. After picking out a book, she settled down in the middle of her bedroom floor with “Black Beauty” as we waited for Kyle to settle matters with his mother.