Chapter One

Kensie (the main girl) finds out details about her trauma and tries to deal with it the best way she can.

A sharp ping sounded to my left and it took a second for my disoriented mind to realize that it was my phone. Despite the pain that shot through my arm when I reached over, I picked up the phone and shame filled my stomach. 

‘Hey baby girl, hope I didn’t hurt you too bad last night (; ’ I threw my phone across the room as disgust coursed through my body. I turned on my side and curled into a ball. I was going through denial. My body retched and I ran to the bathroom, throwing up last night’s alcohol and pizza from the party. I was too tired to go back to my own room, so I laid down on the cold tiles and tried to wrap my mind around the idea of  what happened between me and Mark DiCanno. 

Some time around 8 o’clock I woke up again, soaked with my own sweat. I washed my face with some cold water and looked at my a swollen eyes. It still all felt surreal but something in the back of my mind told me it really happened. I stumbled back into my room and changed out of last night’s much-too-tight miniskirt and crop top. I walked back to the bathroom and turned on the water to the hottest temperature. As I stepped under the steady stream, I let the water burn my skin and I used my nails to scratch my body. My skin felt grimy and like there were a thousand ants crawling over me. I stood there for a good hour until my skin was bright pink and pruney. When I stepped out, I changed into my jeans and a plain T- shirt over some normal underwear and a sports bra. For the first time since I found out about thongs, I didn’t want to wear sexy underwear. I just wanted to wear normal clothes and blend into the crowd. I didn’t want to stand out and be noticed, I just wanted to get through the day, hopefully without seeing Mark. 

I grabbed my car keys and stuffed a granola bar into my small leather messenger bag for lunch. I had a feeling I wouldn’t have much of an appetite today, or any day for the next few weeks really. Feeling extremely grateful that my first three periods was a study hall, gym, and my elective class, I parked my small Volkswagen Beetle into my designated parking spot and headed towards my locker. I kept my head down the whole way and even though someone called out my name, I ignored them and pushed past a group of people to avoid any conversations. When I finally reached the 200’s hallway where my locker was, I saw Mark casually leaning against the door, fiddling with my lock and clearly waiting for me. I backed away immediately, hoping he didn’t see me. I could do without my text book, I’ll just borrow from the kid sitting next to me. My plan didn’t work out too well when I realized his classroom was the one next to mine. Mark ambushed me as soon as I stepped out of English. I could feel his hot breath around my neck as he tried to slip his arm around my waist. I jerked away and nearly smacked into the wall as I felt my throat tighten and start to hyperventilate. I slipped into the nearest female bathroom as he shouted after me “Aw c’mon babe, don’t act like that. That really hurts my feelings you know? You can’t hide in there forever!” and laughing as he walked away. 

I waited until the bell rang to leave the bathroom. I didn’t mind being a few minutes late to French, as long as I didn’t have to deal with Mark and his touching again. When I got to French class, Caroline pulled me to her side immediately.

“Is it true??” She asked. 

“What?” 

“That you and Mark are a thing!! It’s all over the school! I didn’t believe it because you turned him down last week. I thought you didn’t want anything serious.” As my best friend, Caroline knew most of my boy drama. Actually, that was all she really knew about me. We mostly hung out to shop and gossip about boys and who hooked up with who.

“We aren’t. Is that what he’s telling everyone?” My throat started to get that burning feeling again and I tried to take even breaths, but even thinking about Mark was giving me anxiety.

“Yeah! He said, and I quote ‘I knew I could get her in the end. I mean no one can say no to me. She secretly wanted it, I just had to work for it.’”

I felt like my gut was about to be ripped from my stomach. Was this why? Because I rejected him? It couldn’t be. Sure, we hooked up once, but at the time that was what we both wanted. So when he approached me a week later and wanted to take me out on a date and make me his “trophy girlfriend” I told him I wasn’t interested and that I didn’t want a relationship. I wasn’t even rude about it. 

I didn’t realize how much I was sweating until Caroline asked me if I was ok. I wiped my face and my already clammy hand came back wet. A few other kids were staring at me from across the room, as was Mark’s best friend Joe. He smirked at me, as if he knew all about what happened. I looked away but I could feel his gaze burning into my side. When Madame told us to pair up with the opposite gender, he a beeline towards me. I tried to stand up but he grabbed wrist and yanked me back into my seat. 

“I heard you like it dirty” he whispered into my ear. His breath smelled like garlic bread from the school lunch, and coupled with his physical touch, I felt nauseated. I swallowed the urge to puke and pulled my hand away.

“What are you talking about?”

“I saw the video. Mark showed me, you were so hot girl. If you weren’t his girlfriend, I’d want to try you out. Maybe he’ll be up for a threesome” He brushed his fingers along my arm and I could feel him mentally undressing me. I stood up so fast I knocked my desk over and even though I still had two periods left of school, I walked out the front doors and sped away in my car. I kept driving, out of that town, away from Mark and away from all the gossip and parties. I kept driving until I didn’t even know where I was. I had to clear my head, and figure something out, because I knew no matter what, I would never go through those doors again, or see anyone else from that town.