Eden

we left the garden

like

a

day 

dream

or

a

fever

hand in hand

we walked

into the waiting sea

the Serpent 

sang

a siren's song

the sword

split

the ground behind us

a place where sorry hearts

simply

can't

stay

her shade still stalks

this silent room

this

solemn silence

a sailor's

drunken

soliloquy

Author's Note

So everyone's been writing their lost love poems lately, this is mine, in its fashion...

Reviews

[Patricia]

Very nicely done, wonderful writing, serpent like set up, yeah, I love it.

[John Sullivan]

Awww, many thanks Ms. P!

[Arundass TP]

Beautiful poem. Enjoyed reading 👍

[John Sullivan]

Thank you so much Arundass!

[Desert Knave]

I've had a few lost loves and recall leaving the garden quite clearly. Nicely done. ~Jim

[John Sullivan]

Yeeup. Wistful days. Many thanks, Jim

[John the Baptist]

That damned serpent again. Just when things are looking perfect, he pops up to prey on human weaknesses.That flaming sword says no return. What can you do but drink?

[John Sullivan]

Ahahaha, thankfully my drinking days are behind me, had a little problem for a minute... but yeah. They never quite leave us, do they?

[Green]

Makes you wonder how they thought about Eden after they left it. I feel like it would be something similar to the feelings you evoke in this. I think poignant is the word that fits best, strong and provoking but with hints of sadness. I love all the s's in the last few lines, made it sing like the serpent's song.

[John Sullivan]

Thank you for your thoughts, friend! 'Twas an unfortunate situation, but was many years ago now. A time for memories, these days... what else to do but write 'em out? Thanks for stopping by!

[Neville]

Your fashion might well set a trend John and I wouldn't mind one little bit .. a compelling little treat sir, write from one end to t'other .. & verily muchly enjoyed .. Neville

[John Sullivan]

Awwwww, the pleasure is mine Nev, as always

[Vol]

John,
Anyone who has lost in love has been that drunken sailor. Some recover from great sadness, some from anger. I think tears are better than broken dishes...
Vol

[John Sullivan]

Not even gonna lie, I've wept those tears... they never quite leave us, do they? Memory is a funny thing. Cheers Mr. L

[Marie]

Wow! A very poignant write from your poetic pen today, dear John. "The Fall" is very finely inked and described in this wondrous write! Thank you for sharing...

[John Sullivan]

And thank you so kindly for stopping by, Marie. You're most kind

[Pete]

cool poem. sad and heavy. well described. not a good event for sure.

[John Sullivan]

'Twas in fact an unfortunate situation. I dunno everyone around here is writing about lost loves and failed relationships, baring their rotten souls... figured I'd do the same.

[Pete]

a clothesline for hanging out dirty laundry.

[John Sullivan]

Ahahah, our filthy torrid secrets all out in the open air. Cheers, Pete

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I think this is a very romantic poem. A different take on Romeo and Juliet.

[John Sullivan]

Thank you, friend. Cheers