Bright - Chapter One - Scary Movie Marathon

We are introduced to Emma, her best friend Danny, her fat, stubborn dog Rosie, and her weird neighbour Gus. But first, we meet some strange, scary little visitors.

Chapter One

 Scary Movie Marathon

 

There was no getting dry that night. The air was so thick and hot that I broke a sweat after toweling off from my cool shower. I slipped into my tiny, girly boxers and threw on one of my dad's vintage E.L.O. concert tees. I liked it because it had a colorful, faded spaceship on the front. Even though it was his favorite band, he let me have it. He said that he and my mom had met at that concert, so it was ‘only fitting' that I got to have it.

 

I shook my long, wet hair between my hands in the towel. A bead of sweat slid down my spine. I stood up, switched off the ventilation fan and heard a dog barking outside. I had left Rosie out there.

 

I ran from the bathroom, hoping that she hadn’t been barking long, otherwise I was sure to be expecting a call from Mrs. Gill any minute. Mrs. Gill lived across the road in a huge house. She was very old and very unhappy, but she had incredible hearing for a woman her age.

 

The stairs creaked beneath my feet with each step. It was an old house, and it was made of mostly wood. It creaked a lot.

 

I pulled open the side door quickly and yelled/whispered “ROSIE! SHUSH!”

 

She took no notice of me. Her rope was pulled as tight as it could be, and she was at the edge of the left side of the property, jumping around and barking viciously at Gus' small cornfield.

 

I shivered, even though the air was warm. I realized that it was most 

likely a raccoon, or worse, a skunk.

 

“Oh no you don't” I told her as I descended barefoot down the short steps. I grabbed her rope from where it latched to the post at the bottom of the stairs and pulled. I struggled to reel her in, like I was fishing for a big, stubborn lab. She inched her fat bum closer with each tug, barking the whole way.

 

I finally got her inside and closed the door. She sat, scratching and whining at the door.

 

“Defiant today, are we?”

 

 She looked up at me with her big old amber eyes and panted.

 

 

The phone rang.

 

 

“Hi Mrs. Gill… Yes…. Yes, I am so sorry about that…. Yes, I know, it won’t happen again… Well it won’t happen again tonight…. Again, so sorry! Okay… Yeah, have a good night… Well, have a better night…Okay…Bye." Click. I hung up the phone and looked over at Rosie.

 

 

 Damn dog.

 

 

The TV was still on when I walked into the living room to get the VCR out of the cupboard. Danny was coming over in a little while, we had a scary movie marathon planned. That night was the classics; Night of The Living Dead, the Exorcist and Poltergeist. We usually started going through the collection early in the month, that way we could fit all of them in before the 31st.

 

 

Danny was my neighbour/best friend since as long as we could both remember. My mom said it all started when I stole his tricycle. We were four, and my mom was talking with Danny’s mom in the yard, so she didn’t notice at first. Apparently, I saw him playing with it, pushed him off and hopped on claiming it for myself. My mom ran over and scolded me, handing the tricycle back to Danny. I cried, so he let me take it home. I hated when she told that story. It always made me sound like a brat. In my defense, I was an only child, so it did take me a little longer than most kids to figure out that not everything in existence belonged to me.

 

 

 I plugged the VCR into the wall and it came to life with a loud HUM sound. I grabbed the white, yellow and red wires and plugged them into the front panel of the big box TV. This abruptly cut off the news report about a fire that had happened the night before, just a few minutes from my house.

 

 

There was a tape that had been left in the VCR and it started to play on its own. I recognized the film right away. It was one of my favourites; Explorers, the 1985 sci-fi classic, starring a young Ethan Hawke and a very young River Phoenix. River was my first celeb-boy crush, and I remembered being devastated at eight years old, when my dad had informed me that River had been dead for five years. But seeing him on screen then, I realized that my love for him was still very much alive.

 

 

The movie was halfway through and I tried to think of the last time I had watched it. It had been months since our last family movie night, but then I remembered.

 

 

The three of us were comfy on the couch when the phone rang. We paused the movie when my dad got up to answer it. He spoke in a hushed tone to whoever was on the other end. He hung up, said that he would be back in a bit and walked into his study, closing the door behind him.

 

 

I waited for a while, but then, noticing my mom asleep on the couch next to me, I turned off the TV, lightly shook her awake and we both went to bed. I remembered seeing the warm glow of his desk lamp through the crack under the door as I ascended the stairs. That became a common sight for the next month or so.

 

 

 

#   #   #

 

 

 

Just then, the lights in the room flickered. That usually happened when there was a bad storm on its way. Perfect for a night of scary movies I thought. I wasn’t sure why I liked scary movies so much. I figured that I enjoyed the feeling of being scared, while still knowing that it wasn't real. Which is probably the reason why anyone watches them.

 

 

I left the movie on while I got up to make a bag of popcorn.

 

 

As soon as I walked into the dimly lit kitchen, there was a loud CRASH that came from the back deck. I jumped back, and Rosie ran to the sliding glass doors, and started barking again.

 

 

Racoons, I thought.

 

 

I walked up to the dark glass and reached my arm out to the side, flicking the switch of the back-porch light, but the bulb had burnt out a few weeks earlier and I kept forgetting to change it.

 

 

I heard some more noise out there, but it was too dark to see. I grabbed the small flashlight from the ‘everything drawer' by the fridge and proceeded to inspect the situation.

 

 

I squeezed through the small opening of the door, while blocking Rosie with my foot. I stepped onto the back deck and shined the light in the vicinity of the garbage cans and saw that one of them had been knocked over. I scanned around the cans from where I stood, checking for little glowing eyes, but I didn’t see any. I didn’t really want to see any, so I stomped loudly as I marched over to the spilt can. I tilted it back up and secured the lids on both.

 

 

I walked to the railing and looked out at the stillness of the backyard. The stars twinkled brightly above, and the corn stocks to my left gently tapped each other in the delicate breeze. The air was quiet, save for the constant chirping of crickets and the croaking of toads in the dark woods beyond the yard.

 

 

It was a beautiful calm, humid night and had he been there, my dad and I would have been stargazing at that very moment. I learned more from him about astronomy before the age of six than I ever had in my eleven years of school.

 

 

“Emma, do you see that big, bright star right there?” He once asked me, pointing up and to the left. I was quite small then, but I looked up, trying to decipher exactly which one he was pointing to. I closed one eye and grimaced.

 

 

“Which one?” I asked.

 

 

He saw that I was struggling so he bent down, picked me up and planted me on the railing in front of him. Holding onto me with one arm, he pointed up with the other.

 

 

“You see that line of three stars right there? That’s Orion’s Belt. Now follow that down, and you’ll see the big bright one.”

 

 

My small, frilly, floral dress tickled the scab on my knee and I scratched it. My mom was still choosing my outfits back then and putting my hair in pigtails. She wasn’t ready to come to terms with the fact that her only daughter was developing into a tomboy.

 

 

“I see it!” I exclaimed.

 

 

“It looks like one big, bright star, right?” He asked, testing my perception, as any good teacher should. He had less wrinkles back then, and much less grey hair. He seemed happier too, his green eyes twinkled a little brighter. And he smiled more often.

 

 

He lifted me up again, under my arms and brought me down in front of the telescope. He readjusted the view and brought it to a position where I could reach and told me to look. I closed one eye and peered through the eyepiece with the other. I saw it, and quickly looked back up at him in astonishment.

 

 

“But… it's two stars?” I asked with uncertainty.

 

 

“That’s right.” He said with a big smile. “Sirius A and Sirius B. Two stars, but because we're soooooo far away. From here, it looks like one big GIANT star.”

 

 

That’s when he tried to explain that light can ‘play tricks' on a person. That was probably the best way that he thought a six-year-old could understand it. Later, looking back, I assumed that he meant it as a deeper message. That things were not always as they seemed.

 

“Okay little miss.” My mom interrupted. “Time for bed. Go brush your teeth and get ready. I'll be up there in a bit to tuck you in.”

 

 

I sighed and looked up at my dad with big eyes. He knelt down to meet me at my level and kissed me on the top of my blonde head. “The stars will still be here tomorrow.” He assured me.

 

 

I scowled and turned on my heel, marching into the house to obey my mother's orders.

 

 

 

#   #   #

 

 

 

I laughed at that memory, realizing that I really was a brat.

 

 

Just then, I heard a rustling sound in the corn field. I aimed my light in the direction of the sound and held my breath. I froze for a few seconds but saw nothing. I shivered again and decided to go back inside the house.

 

 

Rosie had stopped barking and was lying near the door. I resumed my original task by placing the unfolded bag into the microwave and pressing the ‘popcorn’ button. As I waited, I looked at the random things that were magnetically stuck to the fridge door. I had gotten so used to things being there, that I had rarely ever taken the time to look at them. I noticed a newspaper clipping of me, running into the ribbon at my 10K race from June. I had won first place. But my parents weren’t there to see it. I had just finished, and I was searching the crowd for them. I was out of breath and a lot of people were trying to congratulate me, but I was too busy searching for my mom and dad. They had always made it to my big races. If not both of them, one of them was always there to meet me at the finish line.

 

 

I found my coach in the distance, talking to two police officers. I froze. I saw the looks on their faces. And then they looked over at me, and my heart fell into my stomach.

 

 

The microwave BEEPED at me. I poured the popcorn into a large bowl, added a little salt and shook it around. I was making my way back to the living room when the lights flickered again and Rosie, out of nowhere, started barking at the back door.

 

 

“Ugh! Rosie! Stop that!”

 

 

I went to go pull her away from the doors and close the curtains when I saw something! No, someone! A tiny thing! Or person! It looked at me for a second with big black eyes and then scampered off into the darkness.

 

 

What the hell was that?

 

 

My heart was pounding and I was pressed up against the wall, popcorn at my feet. I didn’t know what it was and I was definitely too scared to find out.

 

Rosie was growling and snarling. I had never seen her like that before.

 

 

My rational mind was suddenly nowhere to be found and my imagination had taken over.

 

 

I ran to each possible entrance and locked all of the doors. I rejoined Rosie in the kitchen when the power went out completely. I froze. Suddenly, Rosie stopped barking. The house was silent.

 

 

Rosie started growling quietly at the ceiling and then, I heard it. Whatever that thing was, it had gotten onto the roof. I stood there, listening. I heard the sound of it’s tiny feet above me and realized that it was walking toward the living room.

 

 

The Chimney! I thought.

 

 

I squinted in the darkness, trying to find something to use as a weapon.

 

 

My mom’s cast iron skillet.

 

 

I grabbed the heavy thing from the stove and made my way to the

fireplace, removing the metal gate that blocked it.

 

 

I stared at the dark, empty pit and listened again. I heard faint clicking sounds echo down the chimney. I realized there were two of them. Whatever little creepy things were up there, they were NOT getting into this house. I held the skillet in front of me with both hands, ready to swing.

 

 

Something grabbed my arm from behind. Without thinking, I turned and swung HARD!

 

 

“OWWWWW! Emma! What the f**k!” Danny yelled, holding his left rib.

 

 

I was so relieved to hear his voice. I put the skillet down and leapt into his arms.

 

 

“Oh my god, Danny! I’m so glad you’re here! You have to help me!” I pleaded, my voice shaking. I burrowed my face into the nape of his neck. I couldn’t stop myself. I was absolutely terrified, and now there was a strong man…ish person… in my presence who could rescue me. I’m pretty tough, but at that moment, I didn’t care.

 

 

“What? What’s going on?”

 

 

Before I had a chance to answer, there was a bright flash of white light outside the window.

 

 

“Danny I’m really scared.” I told him.

 

 

“Of what? What happened?” He asked, wrapping his big arms around me. He could tell I was scared. And he was good at comforting me. Like a big brother. Or a brother that’s the same age as you. I suddenly felt awkward hugging him for so long, so I quickly retreated and picked up the skillet from the coffee table resuming my defensive stance.

 

 

“Someone is trying to get into the house.” I whispered to him seriously.

 

 

He pulled his flip phone out of his pocket and turned on the flashlight setting.

 

 

“And they’re trying to climb down the chimney?” He asked legitimately curious.

 

 

“They were on the roof and then they…”

 

 

“They?” He interrupted.

 

 

“Yeah, there were two of them. Weird little naked goblins, and they were talking to each other, making these creepy little clicking sounds.” I realized then, how silly it sounded when I said it out loud.

 

 

“goblins…” He said, slowly prying the skillet from my white knuckles.

 

 

“Yeah…uh...naked ones…” My face turned red immediately. And Danny burst out laughing.

 

 

“Don’t laugh! I’m really scared!” I still wasn’t really sure what I had seen, but my heart was still convinced, and so were my lungs.

 

 

“Are you sure you didn’t just see an animal?” Ugh, he was so nice, and he put up with so much of my s**t.

 

 

“Okay Mr. Rationality why don’t you go out there and see for yourself.” I challenged him.

 

 

“Okay. Maybe I will.” He turned and walked toward the back doors. I hurried behind him. There was no WAY that we were separating. I bunched some of the bottom of his tee shirt behind his back and clung to it tightly.

 

 

Something crunched under his feet.

 

 

“What the?” He said, shining the light down at the popcorn. He didn’t say anything about it, he just kept walking.

 

 

Just as we reached the doors the power came back on. He placed his phone back in his pocket, slowly unlocked the door and flicked the switch for the back-porch light. He flicked it off and turned back at me with a condescending glare.

 

 

“I keep forgetting to change it.” I whispered with a ‘so what’ kind of look.

 

 

He took his phone out from his pocket again and turned on his flashlight. He opened the door and stepped out onto the weathered, wobbly planks of wood. He scanned the perimeter with his light, but we saw nothing. He did this a few times, until we both heard rustling over, to the left of us.

 

 

He jumped and I screamed.

“Holy s**t! Gus! You scared the crap out of me.” Danny shouted, relieved. (Ha! he was scared too.)

 

 

“Oh, sorry about that, I just heard some commotion over here, and I wanted to make sure that Emma was alright. I know that Maggie’s working late tonight.” Gus answered.

 

 

Yeah, of course you knew that weirdo! Ugh… He was nice and everything, but there was something about him that always creeped me out. Maybe it was because he was crazy tall - like 7 feet - he had super light blonde hair, he lived in a tiny, rundown cabin in the back woods with no electricity. He was in his forties, and apparently had no family. Or maybe it was because he had only moved there 3 months before and was already putting the moves on my widowed mother. Or the fact that at that very moment, he was standing in his corn field, wearing dirty overalls with dirty hands hanging by his side, clearly doing some gardening at 10pm on a Saturday.

 

 

“I’m fine.” I cleared my throat. “Thanks though.”

 

 

“Hey Gus, have you seen any animals out here tonight?” Danny asked.

 

 

Danny didn’t find Gus weird. Well he did, but not in a creepy way. He often talked about cool things that Gus told him, like what kind of soil orange trees grew best in. Or how to build your own solar panels. Gus was one of those ‘jack of all trades’ kind of guys.

 

 

“Uh, yeah actually.” He said. “A family of raccoons came running through here a little while ago. They did quite a number on my corn here.”

 

 

Danny turned to me and grinned.

 

 

“Well that would explain a few things.” He whispered.

 

 

 

 #   #   #

 

 

 

Danny placed the skillet back on the stove and said nothing. I bent down to clean up the popcorn, but I could feel him looking at me. I glanced up at him. He was leaning against the stove with a smug look on his face.

 

 

“Shut up….” I looked down, continuing my task. He giggled at me.

 

 

“I didn’t say anything.” I could hear the smile in his voice as he said it. I hated that he had been there when that happened. And I hated that he was now able to make fun of me until I was back in diapers.

 

 

I dumped the popcorn into the garbage and set the bowl by the sink.

 

 

“Maybe we should warn the cops to be on the look out for raccoon bandits.” He said.

 

 

We both laughed.

 

 

“You’re so mean!” I said, playfully punching him in his side.

 

 

“Ahh!” He winced and clutched his left rib where I punched him. 

 

 

“Oh my god! I forgot I hit you!”

 

 

Danny lifted his shirt, revealing a newly formed bluish-purple pigment developing on his left rib. I made sure NOT to notice the definition of his ab muscles while I looked. (Where the hell did those come from I wondered.)

 

 

“Yeah.” He said matter-of-factly. “You’ve got quite the swing there, slugger.”

 

 

“I’m sorry. Here, let me get something.” I began rummaging in the freezer.

 

 

“It’s okay, really, It’s not that bad.” He said, still leaning against the stove.

 

 

My heart sank a little when he said that. Danny was accustomed to the occasional bruise and scrape. I figured that it had started when he was about 12.

 

 

His older brother Noah had moved out on his own when he turned 18 and his mom died of cancer shortly after we met, when he was really young. He said he didn’t remember much about her, except that she had really curly, sandy hair, and she always had red nail polish. His dad Jack drank a lot, and it was no secret around West Glen. He had gotten himself into a bit of trouble from time to time.

 

 

Danny always passed it off as a work injury. His dad ran a mechanic shop at their house. Danny said there were lots of things to bang yourself up against. He said he was clumsy.

 

 

But I had heard them fighting from time to time. One time was pretty bad. It was the previous summer. I was home alone in my room, listening to my new Fleetwood Mac album. My window was open and I heard a bottle smash. I ran to my window and turned down my record player.

 

 

Jack was clearly wasted, teetering as he walked toward his car, but Danny wouldn’t let him get in. Jack said he needed more beer. Danny told him that the store was closed, but Jack thought he was lying just so that he wouldn’t drive. That wounded Jack’s pride - never a good way to go with Jack-. I saw him from across the small field that separated our houses, Jack punched Danny so hard in the face that Danny fell to the ground. Jack looked like he was stunned, he didn’t move, he just watched his son on the ground, struggling to stand. Danny got himself back up, and Jack tried to get back in his car, but fell flat on his butt. I heard Danny tell him that he would go to the store for him and buy him more beer. Before Jack could get back up again, Danny took the keys from his hand, jumped in the car and sped off down the road.

 

 

I was still sitting by my window when the house phone rang moments later. It was Danny.

 

 

“Hey, weird question, but can you go to your bedroom window and tell me if my dad is still in my driveway?” He sounded so calm, just business as usual for him.

 

“Yeah, he’s still there… Oh wait, he’s walking to the front door now… okay he’s inside the house.” I said.

 

“Cool...cool... what are you doing right now?”

 

“Nothing much, just listening to my new album.”

 

“Cool, mind if I come over?”

 

“Sure.” I didn’t want to tell him that I knew what had just happened he never talked about it.

 

He drove in slowly with his lights off. I met him at the front door. We both just stood there awkwardly for a little while.

 

“Thanks.” He finally broke the silence. “My dad’s having a bit of an episode.”

 

“I can see that.” I was staring at his bloody, busted lip.

 

It was clear that he had forgotten about the evidence on his face. He 

reached one hand up and touched the sore spot. Then tried to explain. “Oh no, this was just an accident.”

 

He was going to defend that man to the grave. I couldn’t force him to press charges. And I was more disappointed with Danny continuing to enable his abusive father.

 

“So do you want to just stand here all night? Or would you prefer to get your a*s whooped in Mario Kart again?” He said, walking over to the living room. He pulled out the Nintendo 64 from the cupboard and started to plug it in.

 

I decided to give up the 'concerned friend' tactic and switched to 'friend'.

 

“Yeah right! I beat you so bad last time! But we are NOT playing Rainbow Road! You always cheat.”

 

 

#   #   #  

 

 

I handed him a bag of frozen peas to hold against his bruised rib and gave him a fueled look that was full of things like “I hate that I hurt you. But even more, I hate that you are used to being in pain.” I didn’t have to say anything. I was pretty sure he knew what it meant.

 

We joked around in the kitchen for a while, waiting for a fresh batch of popcorn and got our snacks organized. Oreo's and lemonade for me -I have a weird palate-. Danny always had to have Dr. Pepper with his popcorn. He said the flavors complemented each other. He grabbed two bowls and poured the popcorn into them, dividing it equally.

 

“Why are you using two bowls?” I asked.

 

He seemed reluctant to answer.

        

“You always eat all of it. If I don’t have my own bowl, I’ll only be able to get two handfuls before it’s all gone.” He looked worried, as if I still had the skillet in my hands.

 

I was going to try to act shocked at that statement, but I knew that I wouldn't have been able to do it convincingly.

 

“Yeah, you’re right.” I said, grinning at him.

 

I sat on the couch, placed my snacks within arms reach and gave a sleeping Rosie a few scratches on her belly. Danny sat in the big comfy chair at the other end of the coffee table.

 

“What are you doing?” I said.

 

He looked at me confused with a mouthful of popcorn.

       

“Sitting?”

       

“You can’t sit over there. How will you protect me?” I said.

       

“Oh right, how silly of me.” He moved over to the couch and sat next to me.

       

“Okay.” He said. “Which one first? Poltergeist?”

 

I nodded 'NO'

 

“The Exorcist?”

 

I nodded 'NO' again, but this time with more fear in my eyes.

 

“You know what?" he said softly. "Why don’t we reschedule Scary Movie Marathon for this week. And instead, why don't we watch something completely un-scary?”

 

“That is a fantastic idea!” I said, grabbing the remote. I clicked 'Rewind' and the VCR hummed and rattled loudly while it worked.

 

Danny sat back into the couch, munching happily on some popcorn. I grabbed my small bowl, laid on my side, propping my head up on a throw pillow and placing my feet on Danny’s lap. Our usual routine.

 

“So what’s this one?” He asked.

 

“Explorers! Three boys build their own spaceship and fly it into space and meet these really funny aliens. You’ll like it.”

 

 

#   #   #

Author's Note

New version of Chapter One :D
All comments are welcome!

Reviews

[emipoemi]

You - are - a -natural!! This is a fantastic opening to a great series-to-be. Enjoyed every moment of it. The action was told brilliantly (even with the jumps back and forth through time, which only need to be tweaked in temporal tenses in a couple of places, for sometimes you're speaking in the "present" when you should be in the distant past). You should be careful with long strings of adjectives to describe just one noun....they tend to be too much (two is good, three is ok, four is pushing it). You should also be careful when detailing too much to the reader directly (lines like "Of course, this was a time before Netflix. 2007 to be exact. Did I not mention that? Oh, and I was about sixteen"....this kind of writing, even in first person is weak and sloppy, and it's better to find a different way of saying that). I feel the death of the father was a little underwhelming given how that last exchange between he and Emma played out. You do give us a little bit of nudging that it was a possible murder set up, but if you're going to go in that direction, give us a bigger hint - not an obvious one, but something that tugs at our hearts more than just a car crash.....he was a retired detective, but what were those books and papers he was going over that stressed him so much? Of course, that detail might be revealed for later, but the breadcrumbs should be lain out a bit here, so your readers can start thinking about the story as a whole. Not that it makes any difference, but how did Danny get in when all the doors were locked? Her relief at seeing him definitely overpowers the curiosity of how he even got in, but the reader would pick up on it, and the subject should at least be covered before they start watching the film, which by the way is a great echo! I love how they end up watching her favourite film (kind of set it up that she does have feelings for him, even though she claims she doesn't....typical teenage mentality lol). Simply magnificent! Well done! I'm hooked!

[emipoemi]

Much better J! Much better! I love how we see/learn more about the father and care for him more; and how we learn more about the friendship of Emma and Danny (makes readers love them even more). Fantastic!

Just a couple of notes (small ones):
- Is Emma saying "click" after her hilarious chat with Mrs Gill? Because that's what it seems like when the end quotes come after. The end quotes should come before and the "click" in italics (Titles and actions mentioned in the text should be in italics....or quotes with regards to titles).
-"Just then" = weak writing (if casually placed about the narrative). Simply describe the action happening, it's much more interesting.
-Most importantly, the "goblins" are going to conjure some anticipation in the reader that won't be answered until the end (I would assume). I love the scene that "something" is happening, for it adds some hilarity that Halloween is on the horizon, and she's about to have a scary movie marathon with her best friend - but better not have Emma see the "goblins" and understand that they're creatures out of the ordinary, for then you ruin the whole story in the sense that people would be waiting for those creatures to come back, but if I'm correct, they won't come back until the end to set up the scene for the rest of the series. Just a small tweak: get rid of the image of her actually discerning something out of the ordinary. The chimney scene can still be kept, for it's still playing with the hilarity that she's about to have a scary movie night. But no "goblins". You could even add a joke at Emma's expense, that "this" may be happening ironically because she has seen "Explorers" one too many times (lol). You figure it out. I'm only saying, to keep readers focused more on the story that you're going to develop in this "prologue" get rid of the "goblins" and then at the end, add a nod to it at the end, maybe.....

But overall, this is much much better! Well done!

[J.L.Q.]

Yeah, I know I'm really having some trouble with describing that scene. And it's so funny because this is actually slightly based on something that ACTUALLY happened to me. I had been watching WAY too many UFO documentaries and I was home alone when I thought that I saw an alien standing in my woods lmao.. But yeah, I'm still working on a way to perfect that 'scary' bit, and make it believable. This first chapter has definitely been my most difficult to write, but I guess that's usually the way that it goes. But thank you for having faith in me! I've been debating whether or not I should just scrap the whole thing and start over! Thanks again :) (as for the typos, and lack of italics, your're right. I have to get better at reviewing before clicking "save" - just laziness on my part I guess :P

[emipoemi]

for one so passionate about this series, let the passion fuel your advancement. You've proven yourself worthy as a writer; this story has potential - you got game! And if you scratch it, it won't come out the same, because the Muses want it to go like this (it's only the nitpicky banalities - which to be fair would ultimately become big flaws if unattended - that need to be looked at.....ideas tend to pop up at the most unlikely of times. Simply keep writing this book, and they'll come eventually. Don't stay on each chapter until perfection, for you're going to do a once or twice over at the time of completion....and that's where the fun part is).

And it's funny how the mind plays tricks on us given the current circumstances...lol

[J.L.Q.]

YESS you are absolutely right. That's what I intend to do from here on out!

[Vivian Fisk]

You ARE a natural! I've had to turn my view up to 300% to be able to read, but I will be reading the whole thing soon, when I'm able. I mean this, you have a natural flair for dialogue, and your situations are beautifully realistic. Your people are likable. I'm not very far along and the suspense buildup (both for what's happened to your dad and what the hell is outside) is very effective. I will come back to read all the rest and you will hear from me again!

[J.L.Q.]

Thank you so much! I am so glad that you are enjoying it so far :)