Church Town

No, I am not a driving prayer sayer.

Though I like the reverence it endears

Onto a journey,

I am not one for journeying.

No matter how reverent the drive.

My bed

Is just as lonely as

And far more comfortable than

The road.

And I know that I am not the only one

Who stays in this comfort.

For what is left here,

When God has driven away those

Who say driving prayers,

Is a church town

Filled with staying prayer sayers.

Our voices raised together

To deify our staying.

So when the dark comes, I can sleep,

In reverence,

In the bed where I've slept my entire life,

And my neighbors won't think any less of me.

Author's Note

What do you think of the speaker in this poem? I tried for more with him/her than I usually go for with my speakers.

Reviews

[Steelwine]

I like the enjambment that makes "My bed" and "The road" stack on top of each other and stick out. It's clever, so is your word play that I was very happy to see you continued and elaborated on from start to finish. I was afraid you were just going to use it in the opening line which would have sounded tacky, so good work there.

Are you asking for opinions on the character or the speaker? I see a big difference between the two, is why. The character is static (in a good way), a do-good who goes through the motions (one of the "staying prayer sayers"); however, the speaker is looking on this character almost with pity. I say this because the last stanza is worded in a bitter, defeated, sarcastic way. After reading the poem through, I actually saw the first line as also being bitter. I like that divide between the character and the speaker and I think you handled it well.

My only suggestion is to make sure the speaker's voice doesn't get too academic. He talks about being from a close-knit church town but then he's using some really stilted phrases ("the reverence it endears onto a journey" / "voices raised together to deify our staying"). Unless you were trying to make a very sophisticated joke with the speaker raising his register just like the people are raising their voices to "deify their staying". If so, it didn't quite come out all the way and you should maybe put that line a little earlier in the poem. If not, it's awkward and you could rephrase things like that to make the poem more consistent.

[J.L. McGrael]

First of all, thank you for taking the time to really read both of the poem I've posted on here. I appreciate it. You definitely know what you're talking about, and I guess I was referring more to the character than to the speaker in my question about this piece. That was a good distinction you made.
Yes, I was going for something along the lines of a sophisticated joke with the language of this poem, but I see what you mean. I'll work on that.