Walter

Walter fled from his home amid a siege of crockery, though he himself would not have used the word "fled".
He, more accurately, would have set the record straight by stating that it was high time for his nightly stroll and he'd better get to it. Not that a nightly stroll was necessarily a habit, but it was always a good idea to strive for self improvement, no time like the present.
A sugar bowl followed him out the door along with the shrill voice of his wife.
"And don't come back til you know how to hold civilized conversation!"
Walter ducked the glazed bit of pottery and cast a dark look back toward the cottage.
"One to talk, madam, you're one for sound advice! Why, when you've learned to keep a civil tongue in your own head, I shall do the same." he muttered, dusting himself down and heading toward the woods at a brisk pace.
Behind him a window banged open.
"I heard that!" his wife shrieked into the night.
Walter quickened his pace. He had nearly reached the cover of trees when he heard
"When you've done sulking, run to the dairy! We've run out of milk!"
He turned and stomped his foot.
"Blast, woman, it's because you've thrown it at my head!"
Before she could issue further demands he turned on his heel and stalked into the woods, still muttering to himself.
"So this is why wizards don't wed. I should have listened..."
Walter kicked at a perfectly innocent pine cone and felt extremely sorry for himself.
As a general rule, wizards did not marry. It wasn't a written rule, or even a spoken aloud rule. It was more of an assumed rule, and most (in fact, nearly all) wizards simply did not marry. Most never even saw women, unless it was in passing or they happened to be wealthy enough to employ a house maid. Many neglected to do even this, as it is widely believed by wizards that mess inspired creativity in works of magic. Women were thought to be a distraction, one which the truly dedicated wizard was encouraged to avoid at all costs.
Walter met Madge, midwife and witch, shortly after the completion of his apprenticeship. He was instantly smitten. Heedless of the advice from his former tutor and ignoring the words of caution issued from his peers, he married. He was, after all, officially a wizard, in his glorious prime, the world was his oyster, and what did any of those people know about love anyway? Had they ever been in it? Walter thought not. So he dove in.
At first, it seemed that Walter was an exception to the general rule. In fact, his magical abilities seemed to improve, and he secured a position as the King's Wizard. The King seemed skeptical about harboring a married wizard within his walls, but once he saw what Walter could do he invited the pair to move into the castle immediately.
It was a blissful year that followed.
It was true that the castle was more than a tad drafty, but Walter was employed and in love, two things that never coincided for the wizarding tribe. He was changing history, he was a pioneer for all wizards that wished to go against tradition and face the wide world with a partner in life. So he braved the drafty corridors and the King's shifting moods with a smile on his face, feeling extremely fortunate indeed.
And then, inexplicably, Walter's magical powers seemed to evaporate. Even simple spells became hard for him. He couldn't conjure a storm, couldn't make a fire, he couldn't produce gold from straw. Some of his enchantments even backfired.
Upon learning this the King immediately evicted the pair from the castle. For a time Walter tried to set up shop as Miracle Man, but his spells were too unpredictable and in some cases his patients had to be sent to other wizards to repair the damage he had inadvertently caused. Walter and Madge moved into a humble cottage and lived off of what Madge could bring in as healer and midwife.
Walter contemplated his life in the woods often. This was his favorite place. It was quiet, soothing, and most importantly he was alone with his thoughts. His wife did not follow him out here and the animals did not judge him. He stood in a clearing among the trees and stretched, just breathing in the invigorating air. He reached his arms as high as he could, feeling the gentle breeze with his fingertips. 
Walter stretched.
And stretched.

In the end, it wasn't that Walter had decided to remain a tree for so long. At the start, the idea had been to escape from his wife for a night. This idea came to him while in a grove of rather attractive oak trees, and Walter could not think of a better way to go unnoticed than impersonating a tree.
At first he found it invigorating, a delightful change of pace from being a cantankerous old wizard set in his ways. He stretched his limbs up to the sun and swayed gently in the breeze, delighted in the feel of birds landing on his branches and squirrels scurrying about his trunk. He watched the animals and took in the sky, blissful and content to observe forest life and bask in the solitude and quiet among the trees.
After a day or two of this he felt he'd had enough. How could trees do this day after day, year after year, all of this standing around and slow growing? There was a robin attempting to cultivate a nest somewhere near the region where he supposed his neck would be, an activity that Walter did not appreciate at all. In fact, it itched like mad.
He tried to turn himself back into a cantankerous old man.
For a moment the world shrunk back down to normal Walter size, much to the shock of the nesting robin.
Then he shot back up to new oak tree Walter size.
This went on for some time until, exhausted, Walter gave in and once again stretched his limbs toward the sun in supplication.
Walter the wizard, now Walter the tree, waved in the wind and waited.

And waited.

Then waited more.

And continued to wait, because this is what trees do. They wait and they grow. Walter did no growing, just waiting.
Very few people walked through that part of the forest, and those few that did could not hear Walter. When he spoke, to the untrained and nonmagical ear all that could be heard was the rustling of leaves or the snap of a twig.
The days stretched out into weeks, just as the weeks gave way to months. Walter watched the seasons change from his post in the quiet clearing. The spring night he'd left his angry home seemed long ago as the days started to lose their length.
As the temperature dropped, Walter wished for his hearth, for his pipe and his cloak. Trees don't feel the cold as humans do, but he wished for these comforts all the same.
Walter sighed, dislodging a few brittle leaves from his top branches.
'Soon the frost will be upon the land and my thoughts will be slower to form.' he reflected with a great amount of self pity.
He wondered if trees could hibernate as some animals will do. It had to be worth a try.

No. Trees do not hibernate.

In fact, trees don't sleep. Ever.

Author's Note

Thoughts, opinions, witty banter welcome!

Reviews

[Nonnye]

Hi,
I liked the humor in the opening lines and the whole post had a lightheartedness that was enjoyable even as it became more serious. For a story to be enjoyable for me is if I can read it though without being distracted by the writing. For the most part this did that. My only recommendation would be: keep the humor in the opening line but rework it a bit. The fact that he "fled" from his home with dishes flying at him is funny as it his trying to deny that he fled, but his justification of his actions seemed to come out of place.
I think you meant "barrage" vs seige" in the first line? Hope to see more to this. What happens to Walter? and why did he loose his powers?

[JLGottschalk]

Thank you, I appreciate the read and subsequent review. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
More will be revealed...and indeed has been already, bit by bit...

[Bluemerlin]

This is an interesting beginning. I'm curious as to what you'll do with this, because this chapter is a rather witty way to launch your protagonist into all sorts of misadventure. I wonder where his wife's gonna be when he gets back xD good show.

[JLGottschalk]

Thank you, I greatly appreciate both the read and review. Misadventure is great fun, particularly when both magic and sarcasm are integrated into the story. I'm glad you enjoyed this!

[Bluemerlin]

And I have to say, you have a very eternal style with your words. The plot, for me, wasn't what carried this story, it was your style. So congrats on both the idea and the execution.

[JLGottschalk]

Why, thank you kindly!

[SweetNutmeg]

That was delightful! Poor Walter.

[JLGottschalk]

Thank you! Poor Walter indeed, but he did it to himself and it makes for entertaining circumstances.

[Peninsula Pariah]

Reminds me of my mother and step father. My mother has certainly been known to throw crockery at her fleeing husband. He was unable to become a tree, however. He simply returned for more abuse.

Im digging the story, and will be following along. Appreciate the effort!

[JLGottschalk]

Thank you! I'm glad that this struck a chord with you, and I'm very sorry that your step father lacked the ability to shift into a more convenient shape. Alas, this is a talent that I feel far too many of us are lacking...

[A. H. Pinley]

I love the ending. Not expecting the tree ending. So sturdy is the tree and Walter became one. Nice!

[JLGottschalk]

Thank you. And thanks for reading, I appreciate it! There is more to come, it will be added soonly.