The Darkness

A little paragraph that has taken me from poety into writing. Perhaps someday destined to become part of something bigger... a story, screenplay. What do you think?

Silently lurking about in everyday shadows. As the day fades to dusk it awakens. Its yawn sends a chill through me. I am reminded of my impending misery. I seek out any light I can find. Despite ill attempts it grows. It cloaks the happiness of day. The suns sets, fate is sealed. My nightmare engulfs me. Love retreats behind closed doors.  Leaving me to face my ghosts. Alone I surround myself. Any comfort I can find. Still the night surrounds me. The voices close in, growing louder and louder still. Ears covered and eyes squeezed shut. My screams are silent. Seconds pass like hours. My sorrow leaves me exhausted. Limp and victim to my horror. I submit to fitfull slumber. Praying for daytime to come quickly. I pass into my hell. After a lifetime of tears I awaken. Beaten and sore from my tormented night. Like a frightened child I’m afraid to look. I first feel for marks of my pain but there are none. I look at my hands for red but there is none. Slowly I move to the mirror afraid of the light I once prayed for. As I raise my eyes I am as I was before. No outward sign of my fight. deep into my eyes, locked tight behind them, a betrayed child trying to escape. The light of dawn has shut her away. A warm rag. A comb through the hair. A fake smile to hide what’s inside. A respite solitude to get through one more day.  One more day to find a cure to my plaque, my curse before it returns to me once more.

Author's Note

I am writing in pieces to try and determine where I should focus my writing. Story, screen play, fiction, nonfiction. Please help me by providing feedback on where to take this and its quality. I appreciate any thoughts!

Reviews

[Mitch]

I like where this is going but I must admit I had a hard time reading this. You use a lot of short, clipped sentences and that makes it tiresome to read. You should want a mixture of both long, short, medium sentences. All kinds of sentences. It helps your writing to flow better. I think if you were to do that to this paragraph you really could be getting somewhere, maybe even forge a short story out of this. Your word choice is spectacular, I absolutely love it. If you write more on this, I'd love to read :)