Past Diary

A Chapter by Huh

Where should this excerpt go? Front, middle, end? I'm leaning towards the end. Please forgive, it's not edited.

Diary

April 5th, 2024.

I had to look at a calendar for that.

I finished my diary today, my first one since the accident. It was my mom’s at first…

My entries:

3/6/24

I just got a diary and I’m going to remember things. And things are going to stay the same as I wrote them. This is my favorite thing. I forget what my 35th favorite thing is. I love Mya. She just came out of the bedroom. One favorite of mine is this diary. Another is having so many favorites. I love coffee. My 44th is my back pain, funnily enough. My 43rds is being able to write. I hate pollution, but I love life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Allegedly March 4th, 2024

Following mom’s entry:

(Wrote in third person)

She walked one mile and then 2 the next day. She road A scooter. Grandma and Nanny are her 5th favorite thing. Change is 14th. I guess time is 2nd still Mya and Shadow 4th place. I don’t know the 3rd favorite. Kelvin’s 9th place, I wanted him 2nd place, but no…I had to be independent, so 9th it had to be. I wish Dad would wake, but he’s sleepy. Goodbye

Diary entry next:

Angry

I’m asleep

Very next entry:

Angry

That’s why I’m in a dream

3/6/24

Todays Michelle day. Michelle. I learned impulse control. I learned impulse control I was talked to by Michelle. It made my day. She has gray hair. 4 days ago I woke up. Todays mich-elle day. Things change. I love you hi..

Goodbye

Next Entry: 3/6/24

This

multiverse

don’t you forget it

You love Kelvin

Hello Hi!!!

04/06/24

I love saying Hi and Hello. I turned on the garbage disposal by accident. I was in an accident. That was real. So was Kailey. I am still learning. My family has to keep in mind “One day at a time”. For impulse control, I remember I might regret things later. Me and Kelvin will have to take it slow this time. That’s okay, he’ll wait. He’s my hero. If I didn't hate Disney princes, I'd say he’s my prince charming. I Love him. He’s too cute. Kailey’s with the other Kelvin. That’s not funny. She’ll marry him. I love Kelvin nonetheless. Hmm. My first inspiration is change. Grandma and Nanny visited, they share 5th inspiration. It used to be 60th. Nanny wanted to move up. There’s something I’ll be embarrassed by later. This is reality. I told Kelvin (its) Michelle (Day). I’m going to write a whole page. My back hurts. For Michelle day I saw grandma and nanny. It made their day. If I think something long enough, things actually, I’ll always have something to say. If I have a daughter, I’ll name her Nalisha. I’ll let Kelvin look in my journal, he’ll like it. Me and Kelvin keep no secrets, at least I don’t. I should not look at other guys. Bye, bye.

04/7/24

Today is a bad day. I get angry. I’m embarrassed. I wish last entry wasn’t in my diary, but it was good it was long. Todays a bad day. I get angry. I was going to hit a man, for a second. Todays a terrible day. This is a good entry, I got impulse control. I love Kelvin. I’m to obsessive. Sorry for writing that. Todays almost a good day. I gave mom back my ID. I almost Killed Mya. I am glad I didn’t. I’m glad she’s alive and so Shadow. There cute. I’m wearing an OTC shirt and my Circles uniform Today. I have better impulse control. This entry is longer than I thought.

04/7/24

Today is Katrina day, like a hurricane!

I wrote Kelvins name 8 times and I think I said “I love him” 5 times. I love him. Yesterday I think I learned impulse control. Todays Katrina day. I’m glad. Today I learned how to be angry!

I’m not going to drink my Dr. Pepper for a second. I’m not angry. Today I learned how to be angry and calm! That’s a great combo. I had a bad coma. Ihave TBI. I really love Kelvin. I’m getting better about impulse control.

CHaracteristics: In love with Kelvin. I really (love) Kelvin, I have impulse control. I have a good memory. I think in retrospect. I’m good at poetry and writing. I LOVE KELVIN. I’m serious, but opposite. I’m obsessive. Everythings new. I have to take things real slow. My back hurts. I love writing. I’ll read this to Kelvin. I love him, a lot. I just met him. I’m intelligent, I’m super woman and sleeping beauty. I love Kelvin. I’m obsessive, but I love him A LoT. I have OCD, not really OCD, OCD.

04/7/24

“But in the long run staying true to your temperament is key to finding work, a love.”

Quiet. Miranda day.

“Quiet leadership is not an oxymoron”

Quiet. Miranda day.

“One genuine relationship new relationship is worth a fist full of business cards”

Quiet. Miranda day

Miranda day

Tomorrows amanda day

I love love Kelvin

Quiet

………………………………

Kelly Mandy!

Kelvin + Kelly

I shouldn’t say it, it’ll hurt my parents, upset them, but I can’t help it. I love LOVE KELVIN!! Kelvin would find this too much for him, but its still not enough. I’m having an anxiety attack from the very moment I woke up at 5:20 to now. I had a good dream about nanny and huskies, I think. I slept great. Surprised I’m having a panic attack after that! It is about Kelvin with a different girlfriend than me. But he’d be happier then. I can’t Imagine it. At all, but he deserves it! I must be tougher. This is the longest panic attack I’ve had, yet, and it not the last of its kin or over! kelvin , pretty please never get another girlfriend! Don’t listen to me, I’m to weak, Can’t stop it, even if it’s, whats good for you. I love you Kelvin!!!

multiverse

don’t you forget it

You love Kelvin

Hello Hi!!!

04/06/24

04/7/24

Today is Katrina day, like a hurricane!

I wrote Kelvins name 8 times and I think I said “I love him” 5 times. I love him. Yesterday I think I learned impulse control. Todays Katrina day. I’m glad. Today I learned how to be angry!

04/7/24

“But in the long run staying true to your temperament is key to finding work, a love.”

Quiet. Miranda day.

“Quiet leadership is not an oxymoron”

Quiet. Miranda day.

“One genuine relationship new relationship is worth a fist full of business cards”

Quiet. Miranda day

Miranda day

Tomorrows amanda day

I love love Kelvin

Quiet

………………………………

Kelly Mandy!

Kelvin + Kelly

Kelvin

M-I-N-E!!!!!

By Far

Kelvin

….

Kelvin might choose

another girl, that

would be better for him

He can’t be unlucky

twice in a row!

Kelvin

Guapo

Nalisha

in March, yesterday I had a spat with the love of my life, Kelvin. I don’t even know if he knows we were having a spat. I he doesn’t, then to him we didn't. To me, we did! I'm a little bit peeved, pist! I forgive Kelvin, infinitely though. So I’m okay and ecstatic in one way. I Think/Thought Kelvin was pist/hurt. He might be. That’d be understandable, very understandable!!! He might not be. I told him a hard fact, a harsh truth. I just had to admit. Here it was, I think the highest of Kelvin, but I simultaneously think low of him and that’s not okay, right, nice! I know, tell him, “he’s smart” and that ‘s very true to me. Kelvin thinks one of the reasons I’m with him is because, I’m trying to figure him out, he’s a fascination/fascinatingly, of mine, MINE!!! He’s dazzling! I remember going to a beach, turtle mound, buying Florida books and reading a bit of them, I wish I had them now, I’d read all of them as I’ve always wanted and more. I’m going to Florida, someday, soon enough in most ways, but also too early in other ways. Leaving MO is like ripping my heart in half, but it’ll be whole, fuller, and I’ll be fine. More than Fine, Full! Happy, ecstatic, in love, loving. And more. Much more…I like Florida anyhow. If me and Kelvin broke up again, even as friends, I’d still move. If he said he got a different girlfriend I’d still move. If he said he was against it, just maybe I wouldn’t, or at least not tell him.

I don’t know if I could behave as he, just in case asked, it would be very hard. I’d still be his friend. BFF if I had it my way! It’s a brew for disaster. perhaps, I want it to be a recipe of disaster selfishly, I want the chance of getting back….I feel/think Kelvin’s angry, hurt, saddened, but I feel/think he’s also not. I simultaneously think those. Kelvin’s never been mad at me, he say…but he’s been annoyed before and annoyed is a form of anger, at least it is to me! I’m not mad at him really. I do however think however he’s a simpleton, completely I think he’s outstanding of him. He astounds me! And now, he’s so romantic, very nice to me, polite and charming, dashing, I have to say it, dazzling…I don’t think he’s mad or annoyed sometimes…I sor(t) of hope he’s not. I only mean for the in the kindest, most polite, good things togo his way!! He’s my favorite!!! I think the best of him,. A truly, absurdly selfless wouldn’t last. I want to be closer to him, I need it…I am a (...) heart though. Kelvin never says…as much as I want! But I’m good with that. One major I’m with Kelvin, other than he’s hot and good, in heart, wholly inside and out, is because his responsibleness, his work occasionally, his bussing, tubrunning, restaurant skills, because he makes me work-harder, he makes me warm, he tells me I’m pretty and good, very polite, kind. (...) I think he says I’m a good gift giver. (...). Kelvin’s my best puzzle, my (...) best choice!! So now what one sort’ve spat was about was about…was I missed a calling him that day, I always miss him, even when I’m with him, I just can’t get close enough! I’m an addict and he makes me extremely obsessive and better and happy and(...even?) and a teacher some more. I think…he was awake and wasn’t texting or returning my text, but I don’t know how the text app works? I should just let it be gone (...), roll of my back like water off a ducks…I feel terribly ashamed, hurt, afraid, hurtful, upset, remorseful, long(ing?), helpful, a little helpful, solem, happy, in love, loving, forgiving, good. I accept I’m sort've good, but I think differently. While I feel/think that I’m sort’ve perhaps good on some kind of level, I know, I think I’m bad…I hope Kelvin doesn’t get or even need a new girlfriend other than me! I’d of course be okay with them, sort of ecstatic, happy for them, I know Kelvin deserves it, better! Kelvin deserves the best!!! I hope its not just words, I hope its true, I think Kelvin has said, I think he’s made it perhaps clear,n

He need me on some levels. Kelvin makes me better, (...), just he raises me up. I had a made up conversation with him, it was real good! Mostly though I am serene. I get mad so easily, I should not though, it’s unfortunate, inevitable, I should especially not get mad at My Kelvin. Kelvin…I really love him! (...too much information)? It’s fine either way he is. I still stand up for myself anyhow. I wonder what Kelvin thinks of my being (...too much information). I don’t know what I think about it…? I’m just happy with us! (...too much information) (...) Because it makes me feel safe, protected, helped, helpful, tenderly cared about, warm (...) very happy, right, humbled, doing (..too much information), kind of pretty, in love and (...), adored, well, well-behaved, justified, connected to the world, and good, contentment,(...), empowered, happy, but mostly it makes me feel loved and close, (...), Kelvin! I can’t tell you exactly how happy I am (...to much information! (...)! Kelvin’s! (...)! I’ happy. /So I name today Sarah day!!

March, (...) My goal is to make you use a dictionary. (: (:

I love You!

Here’s what I want to say, my mom implies that you can’t love, she says your a selfish, practically egocentric, she says and implies your a narcissist. She says you only like things when about you, complimenting you…?These are my insecurities right now. If you were like that, I wouldn't regret being with you in whatever way I can be with you, whatever form…I hope this doesn’t affect your opinion of her, I think you guys are getting along so well! It makes me happy! And to a degree, I think she likes you too…?

Foolish Games by Jewel

You were meant for me by Jewel

white Flag by Dido!

Fade Into You by Mazzy star!

Not a Pretty Girl by AniDiFranco

Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy!

Sitting on the Dock of the Bay by sara bareilles

I’m Sensitive by Jewel

Strong enough by Sherl Crow tears of rage I cannot bide

Angel by Sara McLachan

Hands by Jewel

Near You Always by Jewel

Schism by tool Do you know tool? I feel like this is Dejavoo

Continues…

I imagine my parents rich. my dreams and wants are rich. I(t) could as be as simple as a stack of $1 dollar bills. It could be $100s. We could be rich. I think we are…(to be clear, richness is not the case, unless you include good fortune/ luck)

Sometimes its not discomfort, but just a shadow of what should be their.

Sometimes something feels like a mischance, not in a sad way, but a full and hopeful way. No, it feels like plodding. I cherish those times…

I think we’re soulmates, me and Kelvin

Today, Sara day, no particular sara other than herself, is solemn and sad. A good day, but the (with) hard emotions…

I want to learn sign language and spanish, and listen to russian song.

Is Kelvin’s drive just to chill? that’s how my uncle Coby is.

That’s what my mom said…

You can’t dislike her by what words she lets slip.

I feel the loss of a song deeply.

I’ve written a lot today

Poem

Poetry

Tree of Life = poetry

Mom’s entry

No one pisses me of like Kelvin does, my mom’s 2nd place. Getting under my skin.

I know myself, I know why (...) (I’m immature,) Nothings full right now, nothing is structured in me as it should be yet. At the moment, I’m ecstatic. Too hyper, child like. But despite this flaw, much of me is matured. (maturing)

Poetry-I am

Poetry accrostic-INDEPENDENT

The thirds when I woke up (I mean woke woke, of March)

Poetry-acrostic-EAT

Poetry-acrostic-KELVIN

Poetry-acrostic-ALONE

Poetry-acrostic-TBI:

The Beginning of a good life

Brain Trauma

Its not the end of the world, it makes everything shine and you stronger

Poetry-acrostic-ENCOURAGE

TBI means your a survivor

Bowing down to strength

Imitating that strength, you are a lot! Inspiring, a inspiration

My mom looks different in my shirt, npt in a bad way at all. My shirt looks different on her. On me it looks polite, kind, well-meaning, (graceful) and beneficial, soft, subtle, outstanding, heartful, like sleep,or drowsy, good, cute, wear. On mom it looks the description is much bigger! It looks very serious, kind, polite, a good judge, a good character, learning, learnable, leading, tellable, nice sounding, melodic voice, a benevolent show to watch! (it appears a deeper and darker blue, the velvet rose more subtle, slimmer)

Poetry-acrostic-TODAY

Poetry-acrostic-HAPPY

Memories of Kelvin…

Poetry-acrostic-AMOROUS LOVE

Poetry-acrostic-John

Poetry-acrostic-MANDY

I’m bleep tenacious!!!

Tenacious

Tenacious Loving

Tenacious

Poem

Mom’s entry

Causes of anxiety attacks:

the letter C:

Going out the door

Going in the door

loud noises

Anger

Songs with the wrong frequency

Counting

losing

Dropping

things being harmed

things disappearing/missing

Failing at a task

Using my left hand

Todays panic attack (...)

04/04?

Bleep them all, both, team!!!

Principals: (Kelvin)

focus/have an objective
ask Kelvin (to) be easy on me for rn, ask people I need to do that.take a weight of my back and heart, take it easy on myself! Voice if I reasonably need something.
Take things slow, slow enough just to handle. Meditat, (breathe) between moments.

New Entry:

Kind, polite

Emotionally new

Little egotistical, a little shameful

Little obsessive, Everything's new, emotions are amplified, Every thought feels important, recordable, rapid though.

Your loved, Everyone

New Entry:

To explode with vivaciousness, Newness

Be unknown

I have

New Entry:

To be taken care of

Bring a community together

Inspiration, I am grateful beyond words

prev chapter

© 2024 Huh

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Added on September 20, 2024
Last Updated on September 20, 2024

TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury)

Forewords

By Huh

Author

Huh

MO

About

My favorite singer currently is Fiona Apple; overall, Regina Spektor. I'm passionate, and my passion gets away from me sometimes; like a rabbit zipping along, making me the narrow-eyed hawk that chase.. more..

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[more writing]