My life change when I met you

In this life, they have taught us that everyone can find love in this world. I use to believe that, until all this happen. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that everyone can find love, but when you found it and then lose it, is all over. You may think that I'm saying that because I've never found a person who I really love, but guess what I did so you mother fuckers better shut the f**k up. I'm sorry for my temper It's just people talk like they know me, when in reality they don’t.

It was 1:00 am, Lorelys and I were heading to San Juan, we needed to be with the group. Luckily she knows where there going; she put a tracking device on Kevin a while back when we were looking for his parents at his house. We were driving in a Toyota Prius, yes the car that looks like a vagina. She was driving, while I was still recovering, I was also sleeping. She kept looking at me to see if I was improving or just getting worse. She stop for a moment and check my wounds and she saw that everything she did was working, so she kept driving.

Few minutes later she started to see me sweat like crazy, like I was having a nightmare. I started to scream saying "Don’t leave me" over and  over again. She started to worried so she tried to wake me up. I kept talking in my sleep and started to say " I'm sorry, I'm really sorry". Lorelys couldn’t take It anymore, so she gave me a slap in the face. I woke up!

Josh: Ouch! Hey that hurt you know!

Lorelys: Good, you were scaring me.

Josh: What are you talking about?

Lorelys: You’ve been talking in your sleep saying Don’t leave me or I'm sorry.

Josh: Just forget that is not your business

Lorelys look at me with a serious face, let me tell you something about that face, its scary f**k. You look at that face and it makes you want to cried inside. Anyway  she throw a soft punch on my  arm. For me it hurt cause I was injured in that arm, so I look at her with a what the f**k face.

Josh: Why the hell you did that for?

Lorelys: Cause you haven’t change that f*****g temper of yours. Every time  I ask you if your ok or when I worried about you and s**t. You do this s**t all the time.

Josh: No I don’t!

Lorelys: Stop saying that! That’s another thing, you always one to be right in the argument. You better stop that s**t!

 

 

 

23

 

I was quiet for a while, I told her that I'm sorry. There was a big silence for a while but then we started talking.

Josh: I'm sorry Lorelys, I know that I got to change some things about me, but it hurts you know.

Lorelys: Its ok Josh, you just make me mad sometimes when your acting like that. Sometimes I can't stand it.

Josh: Sorry....

Lorelys: So hows Carol? Is she in San Juan?

Josh: ….

Lorelys: What happen?

Josh: (Exhale) I'll tell you, but is going to be a long story.

Lorelys: We got a long way to catch up, so tell me.

Josh: ok

When I was a teenager I was always lonely, fill with rage, hate and sadness. All my teen years was wishing to be dead; I felt like I was in a f*****g nightmare wishing that all this would be over, but it didn’t end. I walk a lonely path, where everything was pitch black, were the roads are cover by darkness. I couldn’t see where was I going, I didn’t have anyone who could help me lead the way. You have no idea what is like to be invisible, to be alone, to be empty inside.

In September 2015, I was 21 years old. Was eating alone in a cafeteria watching Sword Art Online on my phone. For me that was a normal day, I really couldn’t care less what was happening around me, cause in that time nobody cared about me so why should I cared what's happening right? Anyway I was watching anime and a girl pass by me and heard  Kirito voice. She quickly turn around and told me " I love Sword Art Online". I looked up to her and saw this beautiful girl, with a gorgeous smile. She was white, with black hair, brown eyes; she was beautiful. I saw her and saw light, That was my first "love at first sight", her name was Carol.

Carol: Hi I'm Carol.

Josh: …

Carol: Are you ok? You look a little pale.

Of course I was pale, I was nervous as f**k. First feeling I get like this with a girl, a feeling that I did not know what it was. I like girls before, but nothing like this.

Josh: (Nervous) Hi.. I'm Josh

Carol: Is nice to me you Josh. So do you like anime.

Josh: Um...Yes I watch them all the time, this one is my favorite.

Carol: Oh my God really? I never met a guy who likes Sword Art Online before. I like it too.

Josh: Yes is a good anime, I mean I watch all kind of anime.

Carol: That’s awesome hey you don't mind if I sit here to watch it with you?

 

24

 

Josh: No not  a problem at all.

Ok at first I was like, is this a prank from someone, cause not everyday I see a beautiful girl, who I do not know, wanting to sit with me and watch anime.

We watch anime all afternoon that day. It was an amazing afternoon, the best one I ever had. That day every time I look at her I smile like a freaking idiot. Yes I could say I was a liking this girl and the way I express it was like p***y s**t, but hey maybe I like being a p***y, I like being in love. After we finish seeing anime. I had in mind to invite her on a date.

Josh: So Carol....

Carol: Yes?

Josh:  Would you... Like to go on.... a Date with me?

She look at me and smile and said " Yes, I would really like that". I was surprise for the answer, I never expected that. Up to that day went out a lot and we were basically falling for each other every single day.   We talk all the time, we said good morning and good night everyday. She met Kevin and Lorelys, two of my best friends that I had and the only ones who can help me in my ways. They both loved her, especially Lorelys, talking about anime and freaking Korean music

It was December 23, 2015, It was the day that Dr. Bonilla announce the cure. That day we were fighting about how I was acting.

Josh: Carol I don’t know what are you trying to say. Why aren't you talking to me? It's been three weeks since I heard from you.

Carol:  I didn’t want to talk to you because every time I say something or tell you some news, you always tried to disagree with me.

Josh: Oh come on now, not always.

Carol: (angry) See, this is what I meant!

Josh: Well if that’s the case why you didn’t tell me this before? That’s another problem, if you don’t like how was I acting why didn’t you tell me, I could've done it before this discussion. You need to stop being so silent and tell me how you feel.

Carol: You know what, goodbye.

She left and went outside for a moment, she was really angry. In that moment I was upset but not much like her, but minutes has pass; so I went outside. I got outside and I saw her sitting in a bench. I went to her and gave her a big hug.

Josh: (Crying) I'm sorry Carol.

Josh:   I know I got to change a few things in my life, but I need you to help me change them. From that day we met I've been changing. That's because you're the one that’s helping me change who I and making me become the man who I'm destined to be.  Each day you make me the happiest man alive, turning me into something good. Please don’t give up on me.

She heard I said and started to cried, she hug me back.

Carol: I'm sorry too, I should've told you how I feel  weeks ago.

25

 

From that day we've been helping each other out, our relationship kept growing.

On February 24, 2016, there were news on the television about the zombie outbreak in a facility; where it was spreading around the country. That time they were announcing evacuation for the people who wanted to be safe in San Juan. I told Carol about this plan.

Carol: Are you sure it’s a good idea?

Josh: Of course it is, we must go there, it’s the safest place right now.

Carol:  Ok, we will go together.

They arrive in three days, we were waiting in line for a couple of minutes. There were seven school buses there to pick  everyone in the area, we got to the last one. It was our turn and the soldier let Carol threw but didn’t let me pass.

Josh: Excuse me sir, I'm with her.

Soldier:  I can't let you pass is already full.

Carol:  It's ok Josh let's wait for the next one to arrive.

Josh:  No Carol, you go.

Carol:  NO! I am not going to leave you here.

Josh: Ill be fine, I want you to be safe, that’s my mission. Go

Carol gave me a hug before she left, she also told me that she love me. That was the first time she said it. I told her I loved her too. Carol hop on the bus and left. The soldiers told us that tomorrow they were going to continue with the progress.

I stood there for a while thinking that everything was going to be ok, until it happen. I heard an explosion not far from here. The first thing I thought was Carol, so I ran towards the explosion.    After minutes of running I got there and saw all the school buses destroy. There was blood and organs everywhere. I started looking for Carol but I couldn’t find her. I was thinking that maybe her bus isn't here, until I saw her. The body was half burn, her legs was out of place and one of her arms was cut off. She was dead. In that moment I couldn't control myself and started screaming. I was crying so much, but from that day my heart turn cold. Ive lock all my emotions and let anger control me.

That day, I lost hope, hope in life and faith in myself. I should've killed myself when I had the chance then all of this wouldn’t have existed. This is more painful than being alone, cause losing someone you love is worse than dying alone. From that day I am not the same, I let darkness conquer me, I let it get inside me and make themselves feel at home. That day is when I lost my humanity.

Lorelys was bursting into tears, she felt sad not only for Carol death, but for what I have become. She knew that I like that girl a lot, but she didn’t know how I really felt for her.

Lorelys: (upset) I cant believe you!

Josh: What?

Lorelys: After everything you two accomplish, you went back to your old ways and gotten worse.

 

26

 

Josh: Lorelys it was my fault! I told her to go, if only I told her to stay with me... She wouldve been alive.

Lorelys: Listen carefully, is not your fault. You didn’t know that was going to happen, stop blaming yourself.

Josh:   You know something, I thought that you died. I saw your brother crying, thinking you were dead. I'd also cried, to find out that someone that I cared about died, you think that your death was easy for me? I couldn’t take it anymore.

Lorelys:   But I'm not dead. Look I'm sorry that I didn’t appeared  before. I was watching you're back from a distance.

Josh: I really don’t care Lorelys, I'm just glad your alive.

Lorelys: You know something. I saw a glimpse of your change once. I was glad that you were happy. Please Josh, go back to that time and take the anger, hate and loneliness out of there. Don’t let the darkness control you. You are good person, fight it.

What she said made me cry, but I promise her I will change again. I'm happy she is alive, and thankful that she saved me. But now it's time to be strong, it's time to finish all this. I know it wasn't my fault, it was that f*****g doctor's fault. He is going to pay for his actions.

 

TIME TO KILL SOME MOTHER F****R'S